A Miserable Life Changed Forever

Eye-Opening Moments Unleashed are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about A Miserable Life Changed Forever.

                                                                                       
Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:03 A Miserable Life Changed Forever
• 17:02 Key Takeaway

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #206 of Eye-Opening Moments Unleashed where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about A Miserable Life Changed Forever.

A Miserable Life Changed Forever                                   

Misery was my name as a child. Misery was my name as a teenager. Misery was still my name as an adult. I never looked happy. Many often said, "Smile, Emily," and it irritated me. People smile when they have something to smile about. Why must we smile on cue or look happy when we are not? Why was I not happy? I wanted to be happy, but I just wasn't. Occasionally, I would crack a smile, and others would say, "You look so beautiful when you smile, Emily; you should smile more often." The comment only irritated me more; I hated the judgment. Then, one day, at the age of twenty-five, my whole life changed, and I found the location of happiness.

At five, I landed in Grandma Sandy's home, fifteen hundred miles away from Mom and Dad. I can't remember life before that, so my life began at five. Feeling thrown out and unwanted, frowns appeared on my face. Living with Grandma Sandy, Grandpa Charlie, three uncles, and two aunts, they carved a small space for me. Grandma Sandy was caring and loving. Grandpa didn't talk much with anyone. Aunt Tessa and Aunt Cassie were nice to me. Uncle Holden, Uncle Rick, and Uncle Ray constantly reminded me that I did not belong in their family. The frowns on my face seemed to be like tattoos that had a permanent indentation on my face.

Smiles crept in here and there a number of times while I was seventeen. Grandma's family never noticed. They never really looked at me. It was as if I were invisible or an annoyance because I was a human who did not belong living with them. But I noticed I smiled. I smiled because I was in love for the first time. Keith gave me a reason to smile. He encouraged me, made me laugh, and wanted to know me by asking many questions about me. I felt like a noticed human being, so I smiled. Someone was interested in my feelings and thoughts; it made me smile big smiles.

I thought falling in love was the definition of happiness because it made me smile, and it made me happy. When I escaped from my life in Grandma Sandy's household, exhilaration filled me with more smiles. I found my way to college. I deemed college my ticket to freedom from misery,  escape from where I didn't belong, and escape from the reminders that I was thrown out at five by my mother. The freedom attained felt especially precious because I found ways to fund my college education without the help of any family members. No relative would help me anyway, so getting that ticket myself was more than fulfilling. My smiles couldn't be any bigger. Love and freedom became my definitions of happiness.

Engrossed in learning new things and feeling the freedom of expression allowed, I smiled from ear to ear. Professors listened to my voice; people heard me, and I was not invisible. I seemed to have found happiness, but sandwiched between all the happenstances were many folds and layers of misery.

In Grandma Sandy's household, I struggled to deal with the pain of being told I didn't belong. It reminded me daily that I was tossed out and unwanted by Mom at five. The child that I was could only frown. The teenage me only frowned, too, but smiled when I fell in love and escaped to college. But the silent internal pain trapped inside weighed down with scars that would not heal. 

The little Emily inside believed no one could ever truly love her since her mother threw her away. Fearing abandonment like that experienced with her mom, she habitually drove others away by abandoning them before they could ever have a chance. It left little Emily alone again and again. Her broken heart would not heal. If it began to recover, as in small moments of joy, it would stop when moments of pain came and lasted longer than those of happiness, so the unwanted and unloved feeling would stay and fester inside ceaselessly.

The traumatized little Emily stayed inside the adult me, so I was often found with a frown on my face. Trapped, little Emily did not know how to release herself from the prison of feeling unloved, unwanted, and unworthy. I only hoped for sprinkles of joy here and there to help me keep trudging forward.

It wasn't until I overheard a conversation about a life-changing program that an unimaginable turn in my life came about. The soft discussion piqued my interest, and I immediately signed up for the Landmark Forum, an international personal development program. People claim that it can change your life for the better in three days. It sounded incredible, but I was desperate for a happier life and wanted to try it.

Indeed, my life changed for the better in only three days. The results were astounding. It was not temporary or momentary; it is permanent. It has been over thirty years since that fateful day. The concepts conceived have stayed with me, ingrained in me, to guide me, give me hope, and help me see that possibilities abound.

I awoke as if I had been asleep in a nightmare for a hundred years. At twenty-five, the door of darkness opened. Sunshine streamed in to embrace me. I could feel the warmth like love and see beauty before me; it breathed life into my soul. I stopped walking around like a zombie. I was alive; I am a living human, and I can feel it. What happened? 

I always thought I needed something to make me happy, or that something had to happen to make me happy. Falling in love, a successful escape, or eating a bag of crispy hot fries made me happy. Something outside of me always needed to happen to make me happy. I inadvertently gave away my power and became a helpless victim. I had no control over my happiness; someone else or something else was in charge of it. Ouch!

I awoke to discover that happiness and many other things are a choice. Feeling warm and tickled, I smiled for no reason. I found I didn't need a reason to make me smile. With joy in my hands, I can choose it. Walking to a bus stop, I jumped on a bus and deposited my coins to pay for the ride. The bus driver said, "It is a happy day for you, isn't it?" I then realized I was smiling, and it was for no particular reason. I was happy because I was happy. I was happy because I could feel the warm sunshine. I was youthful and able to get on a bus and go places. I didn't need anything to make me happy. I just needed to choose that state of being and choose to see the endless beauty in life.

There could be days or weeks when I am unhappy, but I can pop myself out of it because I remember that happiness is a choice. When I am fuming with anger, I feel it and then remember that I can stay angry or stop being angry. It is my choice. With a firm hold that I have a choice, the power is in my hands. I never want to be helpless again and allow myself to put it in someone else's control. But if and when it happens, I can remember to get it back in my hands. 

Because my mother sent me to live with my grandparents fifteen hundred miles away, I thought she didn't want me. I thought she didn't love me. I deemed myself unlovable, unwanted, unworthy, or not good enough. That was the conclusion the five-year-old me decided. That conclusion stayed with me, imprisoning me in misery for many years. My misery was my own doing. The narrative I created induced frowns on my face daily. Ouch!

I had decided that my conclusion was the truth or a fact. I unknowingly assigned myself a life of misery because I interpreted what happened the way I did. I abandoned relationships so they would not leave me. I never believed anyone could love me, so I didn't appreciate the love granted to me. I constantly achieved accomplishments to prove that I was worthy. I struggled to meet challenges to prove myself worthy of loving and being. Though there were positive effects, the motivations were negative. Indeed, the narrative I created directed the path of my life. While my life may have turned out okay, the pain and misery endured were not.   

I woke up to know I had a choice. I can choose and create the narratives that bring me peace and joy. I decided to create a new story. My mother sent me away to my dear grandmother, who was able to give me the love and care I needed. Had I stayed with my mom, I would not have gotten it, so I was lucky. I thought I was the chosen and unlucky one to be sent away, but I was the fortunate one!

My shift in perception and my change in the narrative I created made all the difference to tickle me with joy that I was lucky! Separating the facts of what happened and my interpretation of it brings forth power and contentment. How?

Mom sent me away. That is a fact I cannot change. However, what happened after that, how I responded or interpreted it, was in my hands to determine. I have the power to choose my narrative. I choose the one that will make me happy. After suffering what has seemed like a lifetime of misery because of my interpretation or conclusion, I learned my lesson. 

Having published nine books on adversity thus far, some congratulated me for such an achievement in four years. However, I cringed inside because I have had so much misery, and I have more stories of misery to write about. How could I celebrate that? I could because in the next moment, I reminded myself how my negative interpretations caused many struggles and challenges, but strengthened my character. Importantly, I was able to overcome each one because I shifted my perceptions and saw possibilities. The result is a torn and battered soul soothed; peace, contentment, and smiles surface. Eye-opening moments of revelation also lifted my spirits and made me acknowledge an abundant life despite the adversities.

I am clear that had I not taken the three-day Landmark Forum, I would still be living a life of misery with specks of joy sprinkled here and there. The tools acquired from the three days have given me the power to choose, shift perspectives, and create possibilities at any moment. Knowing that the power is in my hands and anything is possible when you see it, is the freedom to live fully. 

Knowing alone doesn't do it. Acquiring the ability to practice and generate different perspectives that create possibilities is precious. I got it in the Landmark Forum. Frowns still show up on my face, but I have fewer. And I know I can always generate more smiles and don't need to have a reason to smile. It comes from within me, and external factors do not determine it. I rejoice!

Key Takeaway: Though I have had a miserable life filled with adversity, I found the tools for a meaningful life. It includes a shift in perspectives and claiming the power of choice.

Next week, you will hear a new real-life story called Never the Same After That. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments Unleashed, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!