The Three Rings (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about The Three Rings & The Undiscarded.

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Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:01 The Three Rings
• 11:22 The Undiscarded
• 19:09 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #183 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about The Three Rings & The Undiscarded.

The Three Rings
One 1.5-carat round diamond on a gold ring sparkled before me. One silver band filled with glittering small gems on it laid before me. And a gold-plated ring with two interconnecting hearts gleamed before me. I once wore these rings. The buyers of the rings each proposed to me several times before. I was preparing to move and needed to declutter, downsize, dump, donate, and sell many belongings. Staring at the three rings, I wrestled with what to do with them.

Window shopping in Hong Kong, Evan caught sight of a jewelry store and insisted we go in to look at some rings. I said, “No!” but he pulled me into the store anyway. Evan had proposed to me before, and I was afraid Evan would put me in an awkward position again. I loved Evan; he was like my best friend, but I had no romantic feelings for him. Evan quickly asked the clerk to take some rings out for him to see. He asked me which one I liked. I refused to say and said that I did not want anything. I shook my head and said no again, but Evan continued to look at the selection of rings before him. He chose a ring with two interlocking hearts. It was clear that Evan had those feelings that were not just friendship for me. How is this one? he said. I said, “No! I don’t want anything.” I repeated myself, but Evan didn’t listen, so he bought it.

Evan and I continued shopping and enjoying each other’s company since I was visiting him in Hong Kong. After roaming the city on foot for hours, we were tired and sat down to dinner. I told him he was a great guy, funny, intelligent, and romantic. “Then why don’t you want me?” inquired Evan. I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t say anything. I only had one answer, but I couldn’t say it aloud and didn’t want to hurt Evan’s feelings. We didn’t have chemistry, and I didn’t feel that way about him. I couldn’t make myself have the romantic emotions he wanted from me. He knew I didn’t feel the same but insisted I take the ring anyway. If I didn’t take it, he said we would sit at the restaurant until I accepted it.

I felt terrible, but in the end, I gave in to his wishes. And he smiled with joy that my hand reached out to accept it. I treasured our friendship and occasionally wore it privately as I reminisced about our friendship that spanned over thirty years.

Devin asked me to marry him several times, and by the third time, I said they were just words because he didn’t have a ring for me, so he was not serious about it. He said I never answered, which was true. I loved him and wanted to marry him, but I had many doubts that it would be a good union. We got along exceptionally well and had great chemistry, but he was unreliable and untrustworthy, among many other unmentionable things. 

Devin picked me up the next day and brought me to a jewelry store. He told me to pick out what I wanted. I wanted a band that would be easy to wear, and I wanted some sparkles. It didn’t take me long to see one I liked. I tried it on and just like that, Devin bought it immediately. Devin’s whole face smiled; he put the ring on me, and he said, “Now you are mine.” Feeling the ring on my finger, I had a warm sensation envelope me. I felt like he was mine, too. It felt like it was a promise ring, and I was content with just that at that moment.

Anson proposed to me, and I laughed. Please don’t ask me why, but I thought it was a joke! He said I was his first serious girlfriend and the first person he ever proposed to, so he was serious in what he said. On my end, he was the fourth person to propose to me, so it wasn’t something particularly special to me. I didn’t take him seriously because I didn’t marry any of the ones who proposed to me before him. I said you are not serious because you don’t have a ring for me. Please understand! Though I had prior proposals, they didn’t push through to have me walk down the aisle, so I came not to believe my ears or take them seriously. 

Soon after I told Anson that he couldn’t be serious with his proposal, he called a married friend to ask for the address of a jewelry store. The next thing I knew, we were on our way to the jewelry store. I didn’t have anything in mind, but when I looked at the selections, it didn’t take me long to choose one I liked. The sparkling diamond made my eyes twinkle, and I couldn’t believe Anson was buying me a diamond ring. He bought it, and when we got in the car, he put it on my finger, and we were engaged. 

I loved the 1.5 carat on my finger and enjoyed looking at it sparkle in the light, but I couldn’t have myself wear it anymore because I divorced Anson. I loved the silver band with embedded gems, too, but I didn’t want to wear it anymore because Devin cheated on me. I adored the gold-plated interlocking hearts ring, but I didn’t feel right to wear it because I didn’t love Evan in the same way he loved me. I couldn’t wear the three rings anymore; what would I do with them?

Looking at the ring Anson gave me reminded me that we didn’t live happily ever after. It only made me remember the emotional abuse, the controlling demon, and the anal monster that made it difficult for me to stay in the marriage. Staring at the ring Devin gave me only disgusted me because he cheated on me. Gazing at the ring Evan gave me made me happy and sad at the same time. I have happy memories of our friendship, but I also feel sad that I could not reciprocate his love. With the negative feelings of anger, disgust, or sadness, why did I place them on the table to stare at them and torture myself? 

They were in my possession or storage for too long, and something needed to be done. I needed to find closure with them. I wanted to close those chapters. I was moving away for a new beginning. I didn’t want to bring them with me. They wouldn’t take up much space, but they took up too much space in my mind. Something brewed in me. Something told me I needed to do something about them. They already sat too long in my house, and my house would be sold soon. Where will these rings go? Why don’t they just decide what to do for themselves, so I don’t need to be tortured by their presence?!

I decided to keep the ring Evan gave me; remembering our times together still brought smiles to my face. I loved the friendship we had. I sold the ring Devin gave me and mumbled to myself, “Good riddance, I am rid of the cheater. ” Devin devastated me; I walked around like a zombie for months, and it took ten long years before I forgave him and stopped making myself suffer because of it. 

I also sold the ring I got from Anson. I watched the jeweler use his tool to examine the value of the diamond. He was surprised that I was selling a diamond with such clarity. I gave him the document to prove its authenticity; they matched, and just like that, he cut me a check. My eyes popped out in disbelief to see how much he paid me for the diamond. I stood there staring at the check and thought to myself, I am going to the bank to cash it, and I’ll find that he gave me a fraudulent check, and then I’ll find that I was scammed. What am I going to do? How can I know if the check is real? I stood there to see if the guy would show any signs of nervousness or something that would let me know he was trying to scam me.

He only proceeded to carefully detach the diamond from the gold ring. I watched him. The sight of his actions told me that the diamond and the gold ring were just things or objects, and I was the one who gave them so much meaning. Like many things, people attach meaning to objects, but they are just inanimate things. 

Busy at work, he did not question why I was still standing there. I wanted proof that the check I received was real, but what could I say to him? If it had not been authentic and I had walked out the door, I would have lost my chance to do something about it. I didn’t know what to do or say. So, I just left. I went straight to the bank and deposited the check in my bank account.

The check did not bounce, and I saw the amount added to my balance. I was paid the exact amount my ex-husband had originally paid for it. That day, I learned that, indeed, diamonds are forever. I wore the ring for seven years and held on to it for another ten years, and it didn’t lose its value. The money received significantly helped me skip away to my new abode for a new beginning. Something good came out of letting go of the ring, and the situation reminded me that the meaning of any object is whatever meaning we give it.

The Undiscarded
After moving seventeen times in five decades, I have had much practice selling, donating, and discarding things. Furniture, cars, clothes, shoes, books, kitchenware, and many miscellaneous items all had their share of being tossed at one time or another. However, as I contemplate my next move in five years, I look around my place and ask myself what else I could dispose of to reduce my belongings because I expect to live in a smaller place. Having decluttered numerous times, I discovered there is so much I could live without or wouldn’t miss if I didn’t have them anymore. Yet I still possess a few things I have never thrown away since they became mine.

Two stuffed animals, mice, sit on my bureau top. The male is dark gray, and the female is light gray. They have arms strapped around each other with Velcro in their hands. Their eyes are closed, and they look so happy in each other’s arms. I didn’t even notice that I had kept it for over forty years until a conversation with a friend about my first boyfriend came up. My sweet love and I browsed around in a Hallmark shop, and when he saw the hugging mice, he bought them for me. It was a gift that expressed his adoration for me. I will never discard the two stuffed animals my first love gave me.

Anson, my ex-husband, on the other hand, gave me many nice things through the years, but I discarded them all, including a mountain bike, some stuffed animals, and the 1.5-carat diamond ring for our engagement. It sounds unbelievable, but I couldn’t ship a mountain bike overseas to my new home. I sold my diamond since I needed the money and would not continue wearing the ring after a divorce. I gave away the stuffed animals from Anson because they didn’t mean much to me. I didn’t even give it a second thought when I gave them away. Yet, the stuffed animals from my first love had to find a place in my luggage when I moved abroad.

It may be sad that I gave away the stuffed animals my ex-husband gave me while I kept those my first love gave me. But it shows that meaning was attached to those possessions. My first love meant a lot more to me than my ex-husband. So, the undiscarded was what had more meaning for me.

A collection of thirty-five novels sits on another bureau of mine. I started compiling them when I was twelve. I didn’t know how much they meant to me until I began decluttering to move abroad. Books are heavy to carry and move. I had a whole wall of books from top to bottom. I had textbooks from my college days, business books from my time in business, self-improvement books, and various other books. It did not make sense to ship them all overseas. I donated most of them to the library and gave some away, but I could not part with those thirty-five novels. 

I decided to leave them at my friend Selina’s house. After five years of living abroad and deciding that I would stay longer, I had Selina ship those books to me. It seemed silly that I kept the books and wanted them shipped to me. And then it occurred to me why I refused to discard those thirty-five novels.

That collection of thirty-five novels was all from the same romance author. It represented my passion, accomplishment, and companion when I was in misery. I had spent years learning a foreign language, which was my passion, and the first foreign language novel I read was by this author, whom another friend, Yasmine, introduced me to. Though I could not read or understand every word, the stories captivated me to read them well into the night past midnight on schooldays. They helped me escape the home life that gave me misery and brought joy and romance to my imagination for a better future. For me to be able to finish reading them was a great accomplishment. The undiscarded collection remains with me; it makes me feel proud.

A pin, the size of a nickel, sits in a container with the rest of my diplomas, certificates, and awards. It has a flamingo on it. Since a flamingo often stands on one leg, the flamingo shows that I have one leg, and in network marketing, having one leg means you have three people directly from you. That means I directly recruited three people to my business team, which is the first step of accomplishment. The pin is small and does not take up much space when moving. Still, why did I bring it with me when I moved overseas?

My stint in the network marketing business was part-time for five years and full-time for five years. I’d say that is a pretty long time since I made little money! It was a struggle to talk to strangers; it was a challenge to approach and try to sell or recruit others into my business when I was terrible at small talk. I was met with one rejection after another. I was knocked down hundreds of times, yet I persisted.

It took me over a year to recruit three people to my team. Pathetic, I’d say. But I continued with determination and tenacity. I jumped out of my comfort zone many times to approach people to talk about my business. I traveled to many places and met with people from various backgrounds to discuss my business. The work involved was uncomfortable yet thrilling. I call it a rollercoaster ride of a lifetime. The highs of making a sale were exhilarating, and the lows of having no business were depressing. Though there were many lows than highs, the highs reminded me that it was all worth it. Maybe that flamingo pin meant so much to me because I had to fight so many demons to get it, and I finally got it. Each time I look at it, I remember the fun times and the low times. Importantly, I remember that I made it over that first step. It was difficult, but I overcame it. The flamingo pin will stay with me wherever I may move.

The hugging stuffed animals on my bedroom bureau from my first love have been with me for over forty years. The romance novel collection on my living room shelf has also been with me for over forty years. That flamingo pin for my first accomplishment in business has been with me for nearly thirty years. Looking at all my current possessions, those three have stayed with me the longest! They are the undiscarded. They are the valuable ones.

Key Takeaways
Though three rings were special to me, I got rid of two and brought closure to those relationships.

Though I kept a few things for decades, they are of great value to me.

Next week, you will hear two real-life stories called My Secret Savior & It Seemed Unlike Me. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!