True to His Word (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about True to His Word & The Value of McDonald's.

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Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:02 True to His Word
• 11:38 The Value of McDonald's
• 19:17 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #182 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about True to His Word & The Value of McDonald’s.

True to His Word
I was having trouble in my marriage and was scared to consider divorce. In the past, when I had big problems, I always had Keith, my first boyfriend and soulmate, to consult. I could count on him not only to comfort me but also to give me sound advice. Thinking about the dissolution of a marriage was an enormous problem that affected my whole life. I needed help; I needed my best friend.

Maybe you might want to know if Keith and I got together. He was always so good at helping me solve my problems; would he do it one more time? This problem was huge; could he help me solve this one? Why did I hesitate so much before calling him? I was a married woman. Keith and I agreed that we would no longer connect after I married. Was it okay to ask a friend for help even though he was my ex? 

You can’t say it was okay to call Keith because I was just calling a friend for help or advice. Keith wasn’t just my best friend. We also had electrifying chemistry together. This sort of interaction caused great distress for me, so meeting up with him would be no simple matter. On the one hand, I needed help badly; on the other hand, I could get myself into more trouble. Contemplating divorce was bad enough. I didn’t need to add getting together with my best friend and the best chemical reaction. If we met, sparks could fly. An explosion could happen. We could end up on the six o’clock news.

My imagination went wild. The news is on TV. The musical beats for breaking news come on. A married woman was caught making out in the car with her ex-boyfriend at the beach. It could be entertaining for your amusement, but it didn’t happen. I didn’t get caught. I didn’t do it either, or did I?

Meeting up with Keith was a huge risk, but I also had an enormous problem. No one else could help me. I called Keith. I asked him to meet me at a public place to ensure nothing would happen. We agreed to meet at the beach near my home. It was a cold and windy day; few people were at the beach. Was that a good choice? But I had private matters to discuss and didn’t want others to hear. I drove to the beach and met Keith there. He stayed in his car and I got into his car. Nervous as a schoolgirl, I hadn’t seen Keith since I got married. I could hear my heartbeat pounding like the waves crashing down on the beach before me.

Smiling nervously and dawdling over to Keith’s car, I walked. I got in his car. Sparks flew; we embraced and kissed passionately. A part of me wished it, but it didn’t happen; it only happened in my mind. I quietly sat down and looked over at Keith. He often had a smiling and mischievous face, looking to do fun or naughty things. But this time, he had a serious face with no smiles. He sat quietly, listening to all my marriage woes. He was the best listener. He didn’t interrupt my train of thought as I shared, but I could already feel him hearing me without judgment, except for a bit of sadness. Even though we were no longer together, he still wanted me to be happy. He never told me in words, but I could feel it in his expressions or connections to me.

I wanted Keith to rescue me like he had done countless times when I was a teenager and twenty-something. He was seven years older and wiser than me. The last time I asked for his help was just before I married. I told him I was getting married in two weeks and wanted him to tell me if I should marry the man I was planning to marry. I was not asking if my fiancé was the right man. I was giving Keith a last chance to take me as his wife. He said, “If you love someone, you set her free.” Through my tears, I said, “You don’t love me. You are willing to give me away to someone else.” I was heartbroken and vowed never to talk to him again. But two years later, I called him.

This time, I asked for help after I got married. After giving me a listening ear, Keith said that I needed to make the decision myself and that he was not going to tell me to get a divorce or not. I was wholly disappointed. Keith was no longer the person who could solve all my problems. I needed to remind myself that I was a big girl and that I had no right to depend on him for the resolution of my issues. I was lucky to have met him when I was a teenager and had no other means of emotional support. He was there for me for many years. Without him, I needed to be there for myself, and I knew I could because I could hear him encouraging me to move forward no matter what.

You may wonder why Keith and I never married, even though he did ask me to marry him several times in the past. It’s complicated, I say. I was young and full of dreams for my future. The timing never seemed right, and I never fully trusted him or his love for me. I had a college degree, and he didn’t. He never seemed to think he was good enough for me, though he wouldn’t admit it. He gave me the impression that he could not settle for one woman and be faithful to her because there were too many fish in the sea. This point led me to not fully trust him, so I couldn’t wholeheartedly agree to marriage. He acted like he wanted to play the field and be a proud playboy. I suppose he wanted an open relationship or was the noncommittal type who tried to keep his options open. I didn’t want that in a husband.

Though Keith gave me the impression that he was the playboy wanna-be and sold me the idea for many years, I now suspect he wasn’t. 

On that fateful day, when I got into his car at the beach to tell him about my marriage problems, he didn’t take the opportunity to attack me with our chemistry. Before I got married, we agreed that we would no longer be intimate if I got married. He kept his word. I was surprised because he seemed to have such a zest for that kind of fun with me. I didn’t know if I could control myself that day either. I wanted to be near him; I wanted him. If he made a move, I may not have refused him. I would have probably gotten myself lost in ecstasy. 

In reflection, I smile in contentment because he kept his word and was not that playboy he tried to appear to be. We were never intimate after I married. He respected me and the sanctity of marriage. I feel better knowing that this person with a permanent place in my heart was decent. 

Five years later, I found the courage to get a divorce. Divorced for three years, I thought of Keith. Besides big problems, he was also someone I wanted to share my greatest joys with and celebrate. This time, I had no reason to call him other than that I was glad I got a divorce. I don’t know what possessed me to call him except that his seat in my heart was permanent, and he did not vacate it. 

Keith wanted to see my new place and see that I was okay. I said there was no need. He insisted that he had to see for himself that I was doing fine. Afraid to go on that rollercoaster ride of a relationship with him, I wanted to say no. I did not wish to have the on-again, off-again kind of non-committed relationship. I think he just wanted to have fun with me, and I was not a playgirl. He insisted, and I gave in to his persuasion.

Keith drove an hour to my new residence. He looked around and asked what I got from my divorce and if it was enough for me to have what I got. He was the only person who ever directly asked me and the only person to whom I answered. Satisfied, we went to dinner, and I enjoyed a good conversation with a good friend. We walked back to my place as his car was nearby. He said he needed to use the restroom. I got suspicious because that Playboy image of him did not leave me.

Keith went to the restroom and then sat down on the couch in my den. He motioned to kiss me, and I stood up from the sofa. I let him know that I had a new boyfriend. He stopped. I soon realized that Keith had never forced himself on me, and he never engaged in anything intimate with me if I had a boyfriend or husband. I won’t call him a playboy wanna-be anymore. 

Because Keith has given me much emotional support for a number of years, he has meant a great deal to me. My teenage years were wrought with challenges; my twenties were a struggle, too, and he helped me through them. Despite his playfulness and noncommittal ways, I shall respect him for having respected me. I now have another positive memory of Keith. True to his word, I appreciate the integrity expressed and the respect given.

The Value of McDonald’s
Fun fact: Jeff Bezos worked at McDonald’s when he was sixteen, and so did I! Imagine that; I have something in common with a billionaire! Strange but true, whenever I walk into a McDonald’s, I am reminded of the time I worked at McDonald’s at age sixteen. Before that age, I had a few jobs in special government programs, so it wasn’t my first job. Why did McDonald’s leave an impression in my memory bank and resurface each time I see the golden arches?

Mom took me to McDonald’s, asked for the manager, and had me fill out an application to work there. She never discussed it with me, and I never knew why she had me go to work when she had never had my older sister go to work. Upon reflection, Mom probably sent me there because she couldn’t stand the sight of my existence. I was told I looked like my grandmother on my father’s side; she was my mom’s mother-in-law, and Mom hated her, so I guess she hated me, too.

Despite being thrown into the job, I was glad to have it because it meant less time at home. I hated home because I didn’t belong. Mom tossed me to one grandmother at age one and then to another grandma at age five. Then, at fourteen, Grandma Sandy thought I should go back to live with my parents since they had moved from poverty to middle class.

I had longed to be with my biological family, where I thought I belonged and where I thought I wanted to be, but getting thrown back as a teenager more than rattled my mind and heart. I grew up with Grandma Sandy’s values, which differed from Mom’s. They were mother and daughter, yet they had different values. Grandma was traditional; she believed in old customs and the value of hard work and kindness. Mom was materialistic; as an immigrant to America, she wanted to assimilate and thought money could buy everything and solve everything. Besides showing off what money could buy her, looks and looking good to others were the most important things to her. Mom’s values were hard to swallow when I grew up with the opposite. Each moment at home was like a dog with a nail stuck in him and couldn’t be pulled out. The pain was constant.

Working at McDonald’s was my savior; it was my escape from the home life that made me miserable. Spending time at McDonald’s allowed me to develop some work experience and express some skills I had. It also showed bits of me that I didn’t know about. For example, I was the fastest at assembling an order at the drive-thru station. When the cashier took the order, I had it ready in seconds after he collected the money. No one ever caught on how I could do it so fast! My actions revealed how I would look for the most efficient ways to do things. I didn’t know that habit was in place long ago. I still look for the fastest ways to get things done.

Sometimes, I was the cashier in front of walk-in customers. A few times, customers complained that I did not smile, so the manager took me off that station, and I came to be at the drive-through station where I assembled orders and did not need to deal with customers. I was already a miserable teenager and you want me to smile? It was too difficult a task for me. Maybe I am not suited for any customer service jobs. I hate putting on a fake smile and looking at other people’s fake smiles. I hate pretentious people like my mother.

Once in a while, the manager told me to wash the greasy large trays. My uniform would unavoidably get all wet from washing such big trays. I did as I was asked and did not have a happy face. The manager saw it, made a comment, and I said nothing. She got the message; I didn’t like it, and she rarely told me to do it again. My behavior revealed that I showed my dislikes with my facial expressions instead of saying anything. You could hear my silent message. I still do it; I didn’t know that behavior was already in place when I worked at McDonald’s.

Years later, as an entrepreneur, I learned many things about business and studied successful companies. I discovered some key points related to McDonald’s success, which fascinated me. If I am sitting at McDonald’s with someone, I would say, “Do you know why McDonald’s is so successful?” The answer was always no, and I would share what I learned. 

McDonald’s has a system that many companies have copied. You could be its employee, from teenagers to retirees, because it has a system you can quickly learn and follow. For instance, take a bag of frozen fries, dump it into a steel or aluminum basket, and press a button for it to go into a pool of oil. When ready, a beep will go off, and you can dump the fried fries onto a tray. You didn’t need to monitor when it would be ready. It was all pre-programmed. It still fascinates me how efficient the system is and how anyone could be trained to plug into the system. I love sharing about McDonald’s as if I were a proud friend or parent.

I would also share how I worked there when I was sixteen and how no one discovered how I could assemble orders so quickly. As often as I shared my experience and knowledge about McDonald’s, I never tire of sharing it! McDonald’s was my place of escape as a teenager and a company I am proud of! The value of McDonald’s is in what it gave me; it is a company I can brag about with pride.

You may think it is just a fast food place and may not have the best burgers in town, but think twice. Don’t underestimate something without gaining some knowledge about it. It has been around for over sixty years. It has sold over three hundred billion burgers. It is a pioneer of fast food places, and many companies have copied its system for success. I joined a company that utilized McDonald’s success formula concepts and became successful. I am proud to say I worked at McDonald’s!

McDonald’s has its own worth in the billions. However, it is a place of happy memories for me, and I felt glad to be away from my family. It was also a place where I shined a bit with my efficiency. I can still see my managers smile, satisfied that I was their fastest worker at the drive-thru station. I was appreciated; McDonald’s was a little bit of heaven away from the hell I felt at home. What could be more valuable than that?!

Key Takeaways
Though he always acted like a playboy, he was not, and he respected my boundaries.

Though working at McDonald’s was just a job, it was my escape from a horrid family life.

Next week, you will hear two real-life stories called The Three Rings & The Undiscarded. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!