The Child In Us (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about The Child in Us & How I Became a Leader.

Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:26 Introduction
• 1:04 The Child in Us
• 12:56 How I Became a Leader
• 19:00 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #162 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about The Child in Us & How I Became a Leader.

The Child in Us
As an adult, I hear people say, "Find the child in you." But there is no child in me. When I was a child, I was not a child. I was a grown-up trapped in a child's body. How was I supposed to find the child in me? Searching for the definition of "the child in you," I discovered I became a child trapped in a grown-up's body! You might say it is odd to encounter the opposite of what an average person might experience, but since I didn't know any different, it wasn't strange. The adult in my "child" body acted like an adult. The child in my adult body acts like a child sometimes! While I may be unable to travel back in time to find the child in me, I found her elsewhere later. What is it like to travel and wander about in such a mismatch?

Thrown into adulthood, when Mom sent me away to live with Grandma Sandy in another state, I became an adult at age five. Thinking that I needed to fend for myself, I did what I could on my own. Living with my grandparents, aunts, and uncles, I was the youngest in the household but was treated like an adult or expected to behave like an adult or like the rest of them. 

I quickly learned how to cook and clean by assisting Grandma Sandy with all the household chores, including going to the laundromat and buying groceries. Everyone else was busy working or engaging in their social lives. Grandma Sandy had a job, too, but she did all the housework. Since I wasn't working, I became Grandma's little assistant. 

Though I walked with Auntie Tessa to school at age five, I walked alone by eight because she went to another school during her junior high school years. By the time I was a teenager, I was taking the fifty-minute subway ride alone to school. Unsure I could do it, Auntie Kayla informed the principal about my commute. Since everybody in the house was busy working, no one had the time to accompany me, and the principal didn't do anything with the information. Knowing that I needed to take care of my own transportation needs, I did what I needed to do.

When I was getting ready for college, I needed to fund my own college education. This situation told me I was truly alone to fend for myself because no relative would pay for it. My grandparents were too poor, my uncles said I was too stupid, and they told me my parents long released themselves of the responsibility for me since I lived with Grandma Sandy's family. Having to take care of myself frequently, I had responsibilities like an adult. It didn't seem abnormal because everyone in Grandma Sandy's family took care of themselves with work or school. 

Expected to be responsible like an adult because of my situation; I was an adult trapped in a child's body. I needed to take care of my transportation needs. I needed to solve my problems with bullies and sign my report card many times. I needed to find a way to fund my college education. Fainting spells brought me to the hospital by myself. Elementary, junior high, high school, and college were all wrought with strain and pressure to make decisions, function independently, and solve dilemmas and issues alone. Where did my happy-go-lucky childhood go? I never had one, so how could I find the child in me? 

After finding a definition for "the child in you," I found the child in me in my adult body. The definition of it includes a sense of wonder and innocence. It also consists of curiosity, willingness to learn, creativity, and gratefulness. Those meanings bring smiles to my face because I found them in adulthood and can appreciate them as an adult!

Technically considered an adult at age eighteen, I was in college. I used my creativity to fund my college education. I was excited to choose my subjects and learn all that I could. Gaining new knowledge and ideas was invigorating and thrilling. I was open to anything new to me. Grateful that I got myself into college, I was full of hopes and dreams of a brighter future different from my childhood.

The child in me made me curious about places I never explored. Instead of going home during vacations, the innocent me hitchhiked in San Francisco and traveled all over California with three European men and two Singaporean ladies who were strangers. Strangers traveling together, we found another stranger, an old bearded man, who provided a place for us to sleep the night on wooden floors by the fireplace in the woods. The child in me was not concerned for my safety. Clueless and innocent! Luckily, no harm came to me, and I had lots of fun like any worry-free child.

Visiting a college friend in Hong Kong, I got my first taste of the wonders of Asia. My male friend found me a free place to stay on Lantau Island with his friend. Again, innocent and happy-go-lucky, I stayed there. Fortunately, I escaped any misfortune and enjoyed my time there immensely. The people, places, and culture were all new to me, and it was wondrous to see and feel.

As a new college graduate, I roamed the streets of San Francisco day and night to explore the many sights before me. Curious and open to discoveries, I read and looked around to learn and soak in information and sights. I spoke to strangers to find my way and conversed with other strangers to make new friends. Like a child, I was fascinated to learn how sourdough bread was made and how prisoners lived on Alcatraz Island. Full of curiosity about the West Coast as an adult, I asked myself why I had never been curious about the area where I lived back on the East Coast as a child. I didn't even explore my neighborhood. The child in my adult body wanted to go back there to explore. And as an adult, I did! Though I missed how it was as a child, I could appreciate it as an adult. 

Full of dreams and hopes of starting a career to secure my financial future, I stepped forward into the unknown. Because of my unfortunate childhood, I dreamed of doing something to make a difference for children. Having struggled financially, I had high hopes for a career that would bring me stability. Wide-eyed like a child, I searched for it and found my place as an elementary school teacher. It became my joy, my passion, and my security.

With today's technology and the convenience of the internet, my world expanded. I hear many stop learning or taking classes after college or formal education. Fortunately, we can now learn online 24/7 and take online courses. Since completing my formal education, my thirst for knowledge and know-how has not stopped. I have taken many online classes, gained more knowledge, solved more problems, and gained more know-how from the internet. I love being a student! As a teacher today, I find many of my elementary and junior high school students uninterested in learning and find it puzzling because education is so fun to me. Where did their childhood go?

Like many, I dreamed of traveling the world and exploring new places. Though I had dreams like a child, my adult reality said I needed to save money; I needed suitable companions and the right time to do it. So, for many years, I did not travel much at all. 

After a devastating breakup, I moved to another country and began traveling the world. The child in the adult me came back. Full of curiosity, I explored many new places and traveled to eighteen countries within six years. Leaving everything behind and moving to an unknown land, the child in me was carefree and playful. Through the internet, I found new friends to meet every weekend. As I sat at a café or eatery, leisurely conversing with new friends each week, I would tell myself that I was living the good life because I was relaxed and worry-free. I worked hard, but I played hard, too.

I played like never before. If I wasn't working, I was playing. The child in me seemed to come alive. It was not a me I recognized. Usually busy working or doing something productive, playing was not on my agenda. I had considered it unproductive or a waste of time. The adult me knew the child in me needed to come out to play and have fun. And out I came, playing every weekend. When it was vacation time, out I went to another country to play. You couldn't find me home on weekends or vacations. The child who came out in full force was unrecognizable because before she came out, all I did as an adult was work, work, work. And now, realizing the importance of the child in me, I allot time to play, have fun, enjoy, and explore.

This child who wants to keep learning, dreaming, exploring, and hoping wants to have fun, too. The carefree me living on an island nation is a dream come true. Who says you can't have the spirit of a child as an adult? It is better as an adult than as a child. As an adult, you can appreciate it, be grateful for it, and enjoy it more! 

I only recently began to observe children at play with a new set of eyes, which has been easy since my job is at school. Instead of thinking of it as free time for kids to be away from their studies, I now see it as another essential aspect of life, too valuable not to have. I watch them and say to myself, let them relax, play, and have fun. Don't rob them of their childhood; it is a crime to take it away. I know firsthand how it feels not to have had one. Though I might have missed mine, the child in me caught up with me during adulthood. Luckily, she didn't give up on me. She came and released the lost me to find fun and fulfillment like a child.

Whether you find the child in you from your childhood or as an adult, it doesn't matter where you find it. What matters is that you can live carefree, full of curiosity and wonder, and feel amazed by the beauty of life.

How I Became a Leader
I never aimed or tried to be a leader, yet I turned out to be one. I joined a business, formed a small team of twenty, and suddenly found a need to lead a team. I looked for books on leadership to learn how to be a leader, but they did not seem to teach me how to be a leader. Still, I turned out to be a leader. I got a new job that involved managing over fifty people. I didn’t think to read anything and only proceeded to do the necessary tasks. I didn’t try to lead, but my subordinates and superiors saw me as a leader. You could say I became a leader without conscious effort, but in my mature age, I discovered how I became a leader long ago or how it all began.

Mom put the five-year-old me on an airplane, and a taxi dropped me off at Grandma Sandy’s house. That was the moment I decided that I was on my own to fend for myself. It was up to me to determine the course of my life because it was as if I was orphaned. The trauma was the beginning of my becoming a leader. I knew I was not old enough or capable of living independently, so I chose to stay with Grandma’s family, where I endured uncles who told me I didn’t belong. Little me was a leader because I decided what to do even though I didn’t like my choice.

The time finally came when I planned to go to college to escape my home life, but I didn’t have the money to finance it. My uncles told me I was too stupid to go to college, so I should get a job at McDonalds. The leader in me said NO. I wanted a better life, so I was determined to find a way to get myself to college. With some creativity and help from strangers, I found my way to college and was on the road to a brighter future. Unbeknownst to me, it took the leader in me to make it happen. I suspect I became a leader out of a survival instinct.

After college, I got a job and made plans for a career in education. Since I didn’t have family support for most of my life, it was a given that I would choose my college major and choose the career path I would take. I made all my choices. I surmise I became a leader by making my own decisions because no one told me what to do.

When I married, I used my brain and not my heart to decide. The result was not the best, but I always trusted my brain more than my heart, so I have no regrets. No one tried to give me any opinion about my choice. I presume everyone knew I made my own decisions, and no one could deter me from them, so no one even tried. My friends assumed me to be a leader who only followed my ideas and could not be swayed.

When I went into business and formed a team across the other side of the country, I knew I was the team leader, but what does it mean to be a leader? I only first learned by experience. They needed help; they needed training and knowledge. I answered their calls. They also needed encouragement and moral support to motivate them to produce results. I flew three thousand miles over to do that. I only saw myself as the one helping to meet their needs. Was I a leader for them?

Teammate Ethan said I made the information clear to understand and that I was the best trainer they ever saw. Teammate Eason said he didn’t know how to motivate and encourage the team, so he asked for my help. I made the calls and meet-ups to give words of encouragement. I was already an elementary school teacher, so teaching, encouraging, and motivating was up my alley.

My teammates quickly gathered around me, hungry for knowledge and eager to take directions to help them attain their goals. My teammates led me into a warm environment of camaraderie. We shared laughs and fun gatherings. They were hungry to hear my words to inform and motivate them. They followed me; I must have been a leader for them.

As a teacher, I wasn’t looking to lead anyone, but they came knocking on my door. Teachers in training wanted to learn from me. I provided what they needed. Seasoned teachers directed newbies my way. Principals recommended others to follow me. Maybe a leader is also a mentor. I never asked to be one, but others granted me the privilege. I was a leader to them.

Managing a group of over fifty, I called it just management and completing tasks to meet their needs. But you are a leader when others look to you for help, guidance, and assistance. 

I say I began to be a leader out of circumstances. When you have no one to help you or think you have no one to help you, you can either be a victim or a victor of your situation. I refused victimhood. I wanted to prove to the world that I could care for myself, which required me to take charge of my life. Deciding that I am responsible for my decisions and choices, I make myself a leader. 

I became a leader by making my own decisions and choices every day. When I don’t fault others for the results, I am responsible, and the power is in my hands to create the narrative I want. Everyone can be a leader; you need only to choose it.

Key Takeaways
Though I was an adult trapped in a child’s body, a curious and adventurous child found its way into my adult body for me to enjoy the child in me. 

Though I didn’t deem myself a leader, my determination to survive and thrive led me to become a leader.

Next week, you will hear two real-life stories called From a Somebody to a Nobody & The Beauty in Being Alone. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!.