The Free Rides (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about The Free Rides & Acceptance.

Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:22 Introduction
• 1:04 The Free Rides
• 7:14 Acceptance
• 20:16 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #159 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about The Free Rides & Acceptance.

The Free Rides
When you don’t have a car, you are happy to get a free ride. You are grateful for the kindness and generosity of others. Why is it that it takes not having before we appreciate the having of something? When you have two things to compare, you can distinguish the difference. I can explain it away logically, but what about the emotional feelings? I want to remind myself to treasure all I have, regardless of any lack. Fortunate to get some free rides, I also inadvertently got other precious treasures from the rides.

It was October 17, 1989, 4:30 p.m., when Janice stopped by my classroom to tease me for working too hard and not going home earlier. She offered me a ride home since she knew I had no car. Knowing that the car would get me home quicker than public transit, I seized the opportunity and grabbed my paperwork to finish at home. Happy for the free ride and chat on the way home, I got home at 4:55 p.m. I unlocked my mailbox to get my mail and ran upstairs to my second-floor apartment to sit at the kitchen table to open my mail. At 5:04 p.m., my chair seemed to have lifted itself along with my entire apartment building and then descended. My body along with the chair I was sitting on floated up and down a few times. It was a strange sensation I never experienced before, so I don’t know how to describe it. I only knew I was scared as I was not sure what had happened or what I experienced.

I soon discovered the electricity was out; my TV and radio were not working, and nightfall came. I only hoped that by morning, the nightmare would disappear. By morning, I learned it was the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake, which registered with a 6.9 magnitude. It was the first earthquake I felt since moving to San Francisco.

I couldn’t be more thankful for the free ride I got home the day before. I got home just before the jolts. Had Janice not given me a ride home, I would have been stuck at work or been in an unsafe place.

It was almost 3:30 p.m., and I hadn’t finished my paperwork, but I needed to leave soon because I had night classes at the university, which was nearly an hour away by trolley. Charlene, a co-worker on her way out, saw me and said, “Hey, why aren’t you gone yet? Don’t you have classes?” “On no!” I shouted. “I need to get going!” Charlene offered me a ride and many more subsequent rides to the university. The rides gave me a chance to catch my breath before classes. A friendship developed between Charlene and me when she gave me many rides to night school. Charlene and I became life-long friends; she is the most giving person in my life. The free rides gave me a chance to know one of the kindest people in my world. I am most thankful for Charlene.

Whenever it was vacation time during college, I had to go home or leave because the dormitories would be closed. I heard people ask others for a ride home if they didn’t have a car. Luckily, I had classmates or dormmates who willingly gave me rides. Sometimes, there would be others in the car besides me. What was strange, however, was that whoever the driver was, he did not accept gas money from me. He demanded money from the other passengers but not me. I knew not why, but I was thankful for the free rides and glad there were kind people in my life.

Moving to a faraway island away from my country, I didn’t have a car. When the boss wanted to take me to dinner or anywhere else, she immediately got her chauffeur to pick me up. These free rides were a dream come true. I always said that if I ever got rich one day, I would want to have a chauffeur because I didn’t enjoy driving much. I never struck it rich, but I got to enjoy having a chauffeur, even if it was for short spurts of time. I never imagined being in a foreign place to enjoy such a luxury. These free rides reminded me that dreams can come true; they are precious.

Since I didn’t have a car for many years, I was fortunate to have gotten many free rides. More importantly, I gained valuable gems. I met kind people. Beautiful friendships developed, and I floated in the joy of a dream come true.

Perhaps I treasured the free rides because I knew the hassles of public transit. Even when it is comfortable, it still takes longer to get to places than using a car because of the many stops it takes and the waiting for it to come. A time did come when I finally afforded a vehicle of my own. Then, the insurance and maintenance let me know there are hassles with having a car, too. There are pros and cons to having a car, not having one, or using public transit. Appreciate each and appreciate the free rides. I now take a five-minute walk to work and often need to pinch myself that I have such a short commute and do not need to get a car or a ride from someone. Saving time and money allows me more time to do the things I want, and that is the best free ride of all.

Acceptance
"You are too quiet," said Uncle Rich. "You need to smile more," sighed Grandma Sandy. "You are too independent," commented my friends Yasmine and Deanna. All those statements made me feel like something was wrong with me. It made me feel like the way I was was not okay. Why are people so critical? We all want to be accepted as we are, but we criticize and judge others so quickly, so how can anyone get some acceptance?

My mom is so vain; all she cares about are looks, and so do my sisters. Uncle Rich thinks he is better than everybody else with his Ph.D. and money; his nose is tilted up far too high. Uncle Holden is weird. He has flaky skin and dandruff hair; he needs to scrub his skin and wash his hair more often. My ex-boss is far too forgiving and lets people walk all over her so others would think kindly of her. She is a sucker for punishment. My co-worker, the one I hate, is immature, arrogant, and full of herself. She needs to stop breathing the air around me! I say all those things inside my mind. I may not criticize others outwardly, but I indeed criticize everyone in the privacy of my mind. Inwardly or outwardly, it is still the judgment of others; I am guilty, too. I have opinions and try to keep them to myself so as not to offend others or hurt other people's feelings. My real reason is that I don't want others to know what I am thinking. It is too dangerous because it could make me vulnerable, and I refuse to put myself in such a position if I can help it!

I dislike critical people, but I am one, too. I comfort myself by saying it is human nature or natural for humans to criticize each other. They can't help comparing or making judgments. Maybe it happens automatically with little thought, but it doesn't have to be that way. We can try to do otherwise; it is effortless work for some people. Whether it takes much work or minor work, it doesn't matter; what matters is that no one likes to be criticized or judged negatively.

Family members, boyfriends, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and strangers criticized me, but I had one boyfriend who didn't. That was Devin. Though he had his faults, what was most beautiful about him was that he was a nonjudgmental person. I was fortunate to be one of the many people around him who was on the receiving end of it and enjoyed it for many years. It seemed effortless for him to accept others as they are. I rarely heard him say anything negative about anybody.

I noticed when others criticized me, Devin said nothing. It reminded me of how I never heard him say I needed to be a certain way. He never criticized or knocked me down; it is accurate and rare. Because Devin accepted me as I was, I discovered that talking about anything with him made it easy because I did not fear his judgment. I was free to be myself, and being my authentic self was freeing because putting up a front is work and gives me tension. Devin's way of being allowed me to feel no pressure; all I had to do was be myself. Feeling carefree, I enjoyed more freedom, fun, and joy with him.

When I took a trip to Bhutan, the land of happiness, for the first time, I learned the true meaning of acceptance. I experienced it in its pure form. I began to understand the essence of acceptance from this one trip alone. My tour guide had a long name; I cannot remember or pronounce it, but I wish I had made more of an effort to do so because he made a powerful impact on me. 

My seven-day visit had seven days of hiking. Each day's schedule included hours of hiking uphill above sea level. I did not know the trip would physically challenge me for an entire week, and I was not in the best shape or did not exercise regularly. The most memorable was hiking up the Tiger's Nest, a Himalayan Buddhist monastery. My tour guide told me we would hike for more hours than in previous days. I was unhappy to hear the news but decided to go anyway. How could I skip the most famous attraction of Bhutan? 

I don't think it was so much the site itself but its location and the journey to get there that would be most memorable. It was not long before the heat from my body had me take off my coat in January's cold, crispy winter air. My driver quickly offered to carry my thick jacket, and huffing and puffing, I accepted the kindness with a bit of guilt. He only came on two of the seven hikes we did, and this was one of them, so I knew it was an important trip. I paused to catch my breath and felt embarrassed for stopping so soon, but neither man said a word. They didn't encourage me to continue. They didn't ask me if I wanted to turn back. They said nothing. 

My tour guide only walked ahead and stopped to wait for me so as not to be too far ahead of me. He was silent and browsed on his phone as he waited for me. I was surprised that the internet signals worked at such high altitudes! But maybe he was doing something else on his phone; I had no idea. The hike looked so easy for him. He wasn't even wearing sneakers or comfortable-looking shoes. He had on what appeared to be leather shoes. He didn't seem annoyed or impatient. If I were him, I might have been!

The driver walked several feet behind me. It looked like the hike was not as easy for him. I gathered my tour guide, who had done the hike many times,  could do it with ease. I enjoyed services like the royalty with a tour guide in front of me and a driver behind me. We all hiked up in silence for hours. 

The silence eventually lowered the automatic voices in my mind to an inaudible volume. When I started trudging up, I was determined to walk fast but was soon out of breath and embarrassed. My companions said nothing. I began to stroll as my feet would not go any quicker. The men were still silent. I stopped to rest for a few minutes. The men stayed quiet. I continued only to walk as fast as my feet would go. The ones behind and in front of me made no sound out of their mouths. When we finally got to the top and reached the Tiger's Nest, I commented that I must be the slowest hiker they have ever had because it took me three hours to get up there. Finally, my tour guide said he once had an old lady take seven hours to get up there. I suddenly realized what happened during my journey to the Tiger's Nest.

The automatic voices in my head were loud when I started the hike. It criticized and judged me with many negative names. It said I was an out-of-shape middle-aged woman. It said I was a slow-poke. It said I was an embarrassment to all women. I was ashamed of myself. The volume of the voices got lower and lower as my two companions said nothing to judge me, comfort me or talk to me in those three hours. 

I stopped bashing myself and began to enjoy the crispy, cool air. I halted my bombardment of name-calling and started smiling with joy. I ceased attacking myself and began to dance in delight that I made it to the top of a challenging mountain. 

The downhill hike only took me two hours as it was much easier. Still, I judged myself a little and said I should have done it even faster because I was going downhill. It took me a whopping total of five hours round trip. So what? What matters is that I completed it, and more importantly, I learned lessons along the way that empowered me. Most enlightening was the discovery of the meaning of acceptance.

Because my companions said nothing,  I felt unjudged. They demanded nothing from me either. I gathered I didn't need to hurry to do anything and could adjust the schedule. The agenda did not restrict me. We could deviate if need be. They didn't judge me, but I constantly judged myself. My biggest critic was myself and not other people. Suddenly, calmness descended on my head to lighten the strain as I felt accepted. Accepted, another level of freedom and happiness touched me. Enveloped with two strangers for seven days, they unknowingly gifted me the treasure of acceptance. It was indeed an unforgettable experience in learning and feeling the meaning of acceptance. I enjoyed bursts of enlightenment as I floated in the clouds of happiness. No strain or pressure burdened me. And I could feel it anytime I wanted; the power was in my hands.

The acceptance uplifted my spirits and alleviated the self-induced tensions. The resulting experience set me on a path to begin accepting myself as I am. I started acknowledging my strengths. I stopped the daily whacking of myself for my weaknesses. The more I accepted myself, the more my self-confidence grew and the better I felt about myself. Lesson learned, but it doesn't stop there.

As I practiced accepting myself by not lecturing and reprimanding myself with my inner voice, I also started accepting others as they were. When I have moments of anger bashing someone, I catch myself doing it much more often and stop myself. Sometimes, I must stop myself repeatedly to relieve the pain and strain of judging others. I could never forget the immense joy I grasped from my first trip to Bhutan. Luckily, it stays with me to remind me to continue accepting myself and others. 

The treasure of Bhutan brought me to return to its land once more. As I enjoyed the beautiful smiles of the high schoolers I taught, I also noticed the wonders of nature, which is seventy percent in Bhutan. They don't judge; they only accept and go with the flow, like water, without restrictions. Though the world has rules and limitations to keep order, the obstacles we put in our way are most limiting. I realized another lesson as I stood on a bridge staring at the wind blowing on trees and the river running regardless of rocks.

Though my inner critic continues to rear its head, it appears less often. I remind myself to let go or cut the rope when it does. Stop criticizing myself, and stop judging others. If I don't, it will limit my freedom and happiness, so I sever it with joy. With each cut, I can soar higher and higher! I tell myself the next time I want to be accepted, I must first accept myself. I learned it makes it easier for others to accept me, and it makes it easier for me to accept others, too! The next time I felt limited, I closed my eyes and remembered seeing myself staring at the river flow, which kept moving regardless of the rocks or boulders on its path. And I remember that the obstacles in my path can only stop me if I allow them. Acceptance, feeling accepted and unjudged are beautiful. Give this gift to others.

Key Takeaways
Though I needed some rides home from others, I got unexpected treasures from the rides.

Though judging and criticizing the self and others are inevitable, realizing that they can limit your peace, happiness, and freedom can help you stop the habits.

Next week, you will hear two real-life stories called The Note that Changed Everything & One Health Scare Miracle. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please text someone and ask them what they think about this podcast, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!