Eye-Opening Moments Podcast

How to be in the Present (and more)

Emily Kay Tan Episode 153

Send us a text

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about How to be in the Present  and Why Give.

                                             
Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Support the show



Comments or questions welcomed:
twitter@emilykaytan, linkedin.com/in/emily-kay-tan- OR https://inspiremereads.com.
Subscriptions appreciated: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1919670/support

Hello and welcome to episode #153 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about How to be in the Present and Why Give.
 
How to be in the Present
Alone, I sat at my beautifully polished oak kitchen table to eat breakfast. As I lifted the spoon to put oatmeal in my mouth, I struggled to find the energy to lift the spoon and put the food in my mouth. Chewing was slow, laborious, and tiresome. I only ate because I thought I should, but it wasn’t enjoyable because everything was tasteless. I lost my sense of taste; any energy I had to move was draining out of me, and I was moving in slow motion. What was wrong with me?

I had just broken up with my boyfriend because he cheated on me. As I sat there strenuously eating my breakfast, I stared into space. There seemed to be no thoughts in my head; it was as if all my thoughts were hollowed out. Then, a few fleeting thoughts came about the past, present, and future. 

For the first time, I feared thinking about the future because there was nothing there. I always had something there, or I always had plans and dreams, but now they all escaped me. Any details of the future seemed to be erased, and facing the vast emptiness of my future was frightening. It was blank, with no signs of any destination. So scary was it that I stopped thinking of the future because all I could see was emptiness. Having nothing there was terrifying because I was always a planner and a person full of thoughts. So, what was I to do with that black hole where I couldn’t see anything?

Did my future include so much of my ex-boyfriend that I lost myself, and my future became blank when he was no longer a part of it? Too scared to think much about the future, I moved to looking at the past. 

The past brought forth feelings of pain. He blindsided me, betrayed me, and broke my heart. After being with him for nearly ten years, this was how it ended. Too shocked to cry or scream, I numbed. Not only did I lose my sense of taste, but now I lost my sense of feeling. I was neither happy nor sad; I was emotionless.

Many things or people from the past unrelated to the devastating breakup also brought pain, so I tried to stop thinking about anything in the past. What was left of me? My brain starved to have thoughts. I couldn’t look into the scary future; it was too painful to look into the past, so I only had the present.

In the present, I was eating breakfast at the kitchen table. I was struggling to have the strength to put each spoonful of oatmeal into my mouth. It took so much physical effort that I stopped and only ate half the oatmeal in my bowl. I pondered what happened to my ability to taste. I wondered how the energy within me escaped to make it difficult even to eat a bowl of oatmeal. I sat with an empty and meaningless life. Empty, meaning not much in my head since thinking of the past and future were not places for me to go. Meaningless, meaning I was emotionless and did not assign meaning to what was before me.

As I went about my days after the shocking aftermath of my breakup, I moved around like a zombie for weeks. Next, I escaped to an island nation and spoke with a few strangers during the trip. After hearing their sob stories, I awoke to return to living among humans and flew back home. 

I discovered something about the past, present, and future, which brought me to live more in the present. 

Thinking of the past, I remember the terrible experiences that bring pain and the good happenstances that bring sadness or smiles as I reminisce. Perhaps solace found about the past is learning lessons from the bad experiences and appreciating the good moments. I can also find comfort in accepting where there is good, there will be bad. Though thoughts of my past could be painful, the exploration has brought eye-opening moments, giving me much meaning in a life I thought was not valuable.

Pondering the future is a head full of question marks. Will things go as planned? They don’t always do, so my head is filled with worries about things that haven’t happened or won’t happen. Fears and concerns create unsettling anxieties that I could have avoided had I been more present rather than drowned in the future. Of course, I will continue to think of the future, but to a point. After all, it is about things that have not happened yet or will not happen. As such, too engrossed in it, one stops living in the present.

Now, in the present, I need not analyze it as I do with the past, nor do I need to try to anticipate or plan it as I do with the future; I need only be present with it. When it is good, I need to enjoy and appreciate it; when the moments are bad, I need to learn from them, meet the challenges, and strengthen who I am. 

Take lessons from the past and use your imagination from the future to bring what meaning you would like in the present. I am more present when I am not worrying about the future. When I leave the past in the past, I move to the present. Living in the present is precious because it can remind you to appreciate the value and beauty of life. It can be gone at any moment, so live fully.

Why Give
She arrived at my office with a large, heavy suitcase, a backpack, a tote bag, and a horseshoe-shaped pillow that she used on the airplane. I was ready to provide an orientation and training for her, but she stopped me because she couldn’t concentrate on listening to me. She informed me that she didn’t know where she would have a bed to sleep on that night. I immediately sought local help but got minimal help and was left to figure it out myself. I looked at her suitcases and her face that said, “Please help me, I don’t know anyone here.” Her pleading face troubled me. I wanted to help, but I was also a foreigner in this country and didn’t know the streets or location of things well, so I needed to search in a foreign language just like she would. Would I be able to help her find a home before starting work? 

It was already afternoon, and I raced to help her find a place from searching online. Upset that I needed to help her because she had no one else to help her, I tried my best. Panicking and frustrated, I pressed on to locate a place near the place of work. They were not easy finds, and the landlords I called were unpleasant. I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard, “We do not rent to foreigners, or “We do not rent to single females.”  After finding a place, I would need to find its location in relation to the work location and see the distance between the two spots on the map. After that, I asked if the rent was affordable for the lady I hired. With limited time, I hurried to help find a place, but the few hours I had ticked away so quickly, and soon it was nightfall. 

If it were me, I think it crazy to hurry and try to get a place in a few hours when it was a big decision and a person would need to live there for at least a year. I couldn’t secure a place that night. I stopped searching. Frustrated and angry, I screamed at being put in such a predicament! Never had I expressed my frustration in front of anyone like that! However, I quickly apologized to the lady I hired and explained that it was not my expertise to do the task as I was a foreigner myself. It was like the blind leading the blind, and I was angry that I was in such a situation.

Next, I switched gears and looked for hotels. I hadn’t done that before because the lady had little money and did not want to pay for a hotel. It was getting late, and I tried to secure a reservation, but the lady did not have a credit card. I wanted to scream again! How could she not have a credit card? I said to myself. It is dangerous without one in case of an emergency. Worse, I couldn’t even call to secure the reservation without a credit card. Websites for hotels in this area did allow for a phone reservation either; very strange.

Desperate to find a hotel for her, I ran down the stairs to ask another local. Luckily, there was a hotel nearby. The new employee with her suitcases followed me to walk to the hotel. As I walked, I prayed there would be a room for her since I did not reserve a spot. Fortunately, a room was available, and I helped her get the space and settle in. To my surprise, it was such a lovely room that I wanted to plop on the bed to rest. It looked nicer than my apartment.

Meeting the lady I had communicated with for four months before she finally arrived to work here took patience on both our parts to wait for the paperwork to be all cleared. I was relieved when she finally arrived. Little did I know that her arrival would bring me more challenges to conquer. Apartment hunting in a foreign country is no easy feat because of the language barrier and some local treatment of foreigners looking for a place to live. Though I was shocked at the limitations, I understood. Too often, foreigners didn’t pay rent or fulfill their rental agreements of at least completing a one-year stay. So, locals didn’t trust them or endured the risk of renting out to them. This scenario made it hard for me to help even if I was experienced in doing such a task.

After the panic attacks, frustration, and angry outbursts, I helped the lady get a hotel for a few days and an apartment near the workplace. After all was said and done, I was proud to have met the challenge. 

What led to the positive result of having the lady finally have a place to settle in a foreign country? The scene of her standing there and then following me with her suitcase, tote bag, and backpack stamped an image in my mind. It brought forth my compassion to help her while I struggled to figure out how to help her. The scene was disheartening. 

The scene reminded me of myself at the airport with more luggage to move by myself when I moved from the East to the West Coast (in the USA) at nineteen. I could imagine how she felt and understood her face of desperation. Maybe I panicked because it was pressure to know that someone needed to rely on me entirely, and I was the only one to help her, a stranger. Perhaps I was frustrated because I couldn’t find the answers fast enough and was racing against time. I was angry I had to do a job I was not prepared or skilled to do, yet no one wanted the responsibility.

Glad for the experience, my anxieties, frustration, and anger subsided. The image of the lady standing there with her luggage drew out my compassion. The need to help pulled out my creativity and tenacity to solve the problem. I learned many things that day. I matched addresses with the place of work to identify location proximity. I practiced speaking in a foreign language with the landlords, and they understood me. Most importantly, I helped someone in great need because I decided to give. 

Maybe it was an effort to give because I am stingy. Perhaps I am stingy because helping others is not always appreciated or rewarded with the words thank you. Actually, it is rooted in the fact that I fended for myself too often, and I expect others to do the same. I silently demand it! It is a habit I need to kick because giving should be out of the kindness of my heart instead of an ulterior motive like expecting to hear a thank you. Why give? We all enjoy receiving the giving. Sharing is giving of ourselves. Giving to others is giving to ourselves; it feeds the soul and gives others joy. Spread it, and contentment abounds.

Key Takeaways: Though I thought a lot about the past and future previously, I think of them less often now. While thinking of the past, I learn lessons and discover eye-opening moments. While thinking of the future, my imagination goes wild before I even know if something will happen; it worries me and gives me anxiety. Busy thinking of the past and the future, I lose sight of the present moment. By thinking less of the past and future, I bring myself to be in the present - the most precious gift. 

Though I was stingy, other people’s generosity reminded me to give more often; giving feeds the soul.

Next week, you will hear about two new real-life stories. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please feel free to share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!