Fifty-Something (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Fifty-Something  and From Hurrying to Slowing Down.

                                             
Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:00 Fifty-Something
• 9:00 From Hurrying to Slowing Down
• 14:18 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #152 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Fifty-Something and From Hurrying to Slowing Down.

Fifty-Something
As a teenager, I was clear about what I wanted to do and aimed to achieve my goals. I was always goal-oriented, yet by my mid-fifties, I lost my way. I had a long and successful career but no longer wanted to do it. I wanted to do something different but didn’t know what to do. It was most disturbing and discomforting. What was I going to do for the rest of my life? What was the meaning of my life? How could I be asking these questions in my fifties? 

It was alarming and frightening that I had those questions. But before I could find the answers, the questions needed to present themselves first. Then, a quote I found gave me hope or reminded me that hope was still around the corner. An American poet and essayist, Rita Dove, said, “Without imagination, we can go nowhere.” “And with imagination, I can go anywhere, and anything is possible,” I say.

At fifty-something, I returned home from years abroad. I was lost. I went back to teaching in the classroom, and it felt like I was walking backward because I quickly elevated into management during my stint abroad. I returned to renting an apartment, which was nauseating because I once owned a home before moving abroad. After six years abroad, returning home presented surprises I did not expect and was unprepared to face. 

Returning to the classroom on a full-time basis was unnerving. I was clear I no longer wanted to do the thing I once loved for over twenty years, so I quit after a year. Then, I decided to teach a foreign language, which I had acquired the license years earlier but never used. It was a dream come true when I started the job, but working with high schoolers quickly became a nightmare. After a year, I quit again. It was unlike me to give up so fast, but I knew I didn’t want to tolerate it because I had endured too many things in life already. By my third year back in the USA, I took the year off to figure out my next steps.

I flew abroad two times to study a foreign language I loved learning. In the mornings and afternoons, I studied with teachers one-on-one. By late afternoon, I would be free to explore the area and roam freely. If you asked me what a perfect day would look like for me, that was it. Studying what I loved and exploring new places was happiness for me.

I also took a trip to Bhutan to volunteer while also on a spiritual journey to find happiness. It didn’t disappoint. I wanted to end my teaching career on a positive note, and I enjoyed the best students I ever had. The Bhutanese high schoolers stood up and bowed to me when I entered the room. When I spoke, all were at attention and followed every direction. They talked quietly and even whispered when asked to work in pairs or groups. The smiles on their faces warmed my heart. It was so pure and authentic. They were like the rare sparkling gems you hoped to find but could not find. But I found them before my eyes. 

The happiness I was searching for was in the nature surrounding me and the people of Bhutan. Observing the natural beauty calmed my mind and made me feel at peace. The last time I felt such peace was when I arrived in Bhutan before for the first time. The generosity and compassion of the Bhutanese touched me. They gave freely with kindness and sincerity. Their sense of community made me feel like I was part of their families. How they treated others was like how you wanted others to treat you. Their smiles were heartfelt, and their purity soothed the soul. Listening to their music could instantly bring me peace and delight like no other.

After a spiritual journey, a volunteer project, and two trips abroad to study language and explore new places, I came home and took a few classes, including writing courses. I enjoyed all the activities but still did not find my way or know what I wanted to do for work. Frustrated at being lost, I took a personal development seminar. During the course, I learned to forgive my boyfriend, who had cheated on me. It took me ten years, but I finally did it by simply declaring it. Next, I learned that I was always dissatisfied because I was always looking for perfectionism and attempted to do everything perfectly. It was eye-opening when I discovered that perfectionism was in imperfections. 

When my light bulb went off, I quickly returned to the island that was paradise for me when I went there in my forties. The second time around was no longer a paradise for me because the honeymoon was over. However, because I was not happy with my new job, I found solace in taking some online courses in writing. One class motivated me to begin writing a book. I wrote one book during the first year, three books in the second year, and two before the third year. 

The first thing I learned during a particular course, which demanded one story daily for thirty days, challenged my need for perfectionism. I had no time to perfect my stories because a new story had to be submitted the next day. Through writing, I caught and stopped my desire for perfectionism. Forced to do so during the writing process, I discovered I could write more words, and ideas flowed and showed up in print. I could rewrite it later because I didn’t have time to edit the first draft. However, my ideas flowed because I stopped trying to be perfect, and the second drafts became a minimal effort. I never knew what John Updike, an American novelist, said: “Perfectionism is the enemy of creation.” Now I understand. I couldn’t begin writing for ten years because I demanded perfectionism. My creativity showed up when I finally stopped demanding it, and my fingers began walking effortlessly. 

My new career as a writer and podcaster emerged during this global pandemic. Though I had lost my way while fifty-something, I also found my way back to a purposeful and meaningful life in a different way. The motivation came from discovering a purpose that speaks to me. I write and speak because I want to be heard. I refuse to be silenced as I was when I was a child. I have much to express and tell; I hope my stories of adversity or challenges will inspire you to make a difference for others and give you some food for thought. Putting my voice in print and audio has helped bring meaning to my life, and I hope it makes a difference for you, too.

From Hurrying to Slowing Down
I stood on the sidewalk with two co-workers and waited for the traffic light to signal for pedestrians to cross the street. I saw the light change to my left and suggested we first cross the road on our left. Mila said, “Goodness, Emily, even when crossing the street, you have to be efficient.” I only thought: Why waste time? I wanted to finish my Master’s degree within two years while working full-time. Professor Stellat said it was impossible. The rumblings in me protested and silently said, ”Why would I want to waste any more time when I could get it done sooner rather than later?” I did the impossible because I was determined and impatient. “Why are you always in such a hurry to finish something?” said my friend Paisley. My response was that the more focused I was and the faster I moved, I accomplished more, and I did. So what was wrong with the hurry mentality? I still think nothing was wrong with it, but something happened, and I began to slow down.

I finished college in three-and-a-half years but added a minor to finish in four years and graduate with my classmates. The same thing happened when I was in high school. I don’t think I hurried, but I was focused, carefully picked my classes, and followed through with them. I wasn’t rushing to finish sooner; I was hurrying because I was on autopilot; it was as if I was programmed to have the hurry habit.

A teaching career meant preparing lesson plans and correcting student work before and after school daily. If I didn’t finish it each day, the tasks would pile up endlessly, and that was unacceptable to me. I unknowingly gave myself pressure while I masked it with the satisfaction of getting things done. I did it for over twenty years and was proud of it until, one day, I stopped myself. 

That one day was when I read an article about lessons from people on their deathbeds. None of them wished they worked more. The idea was simple, but it gave me food for thought. Many of us spend countless hours working for a boss or somebody else. In the end, you are only their worker bee. With a shift in perception and attitude, my behavior changed. If I didn’t finish correcting all the papers in one day, I told myself, it would still be there waiting for me tomorrow. I would still get it done in the next day or two, but not in such a hurried fashion. If I died the next day and didn’t get it done, it wouldn’t hang over me on my deathbed.

In a managerial position, my work is more challenging and demands much overtime. I spent most of my waking hours on it when I first started. Now more aware, I minimize the overtime. Whatever I did not complete while on the clock would need to wait until I was back on the clock. I had more important things to do. What is more important? As a deathbed occupant said, “Spend more time doing what you love.” 

I follow those words. I spend much time on my side hustle, but it is work I love. Before or after work, I hurry to work on my passion for writing stories. Still habitually in a hurry, I wrote and published six books in two and a half years. However, I simultaneously slowed down as I needed to reflect, analyze, realize lessons, and discover eye-opening moments.

The writing process has helped in the slowing down process. Whatever I needed to do at work was to be done on the clock for the most part. Placing more significance on doing the things that soothed the soul and satisfied the heart and mind, I prioritized and carved out allotted times to enjoy my hobbies or passions. I found it to balance play and work; it also balanced the hurry and hustled life with the slow and calm life.

I have a habit of hurrying or a type A personality, but I have also learned the value of slowing down. I rush and get things done. I slow down and calm my mind. I take the time to do what nourishes my soul. I need not wish, but I can say that when I am on my deathbed, I did most of the things I wanted when I hurried, but I also slowed down to enjoy doing my passions, check off items on my bucket list, and notice the beauty in the world. From hurrying to slowing down, strike the balance that will bring contentment and joy. 

Key Takeaways: Though I got lost in my fifties, I found new passions.

Though I usually move with a hurry habit, I also realize the need to slow down and enjoy the present.

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called How to be in the Present and Why Give. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please feel free to share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!