Forty-Something (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Forty- Something  and Once a Prostitute.

                                             
Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:01 Forty-Something
• 11:00 Once a Prostitute
• 15:53 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #151 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Forty-Something and Once a Prostitute.

Forty-Something
Turning forty-something, I never imagined the life I would lead. I thought I would continue to be an elementary school teacher for the rest of my life and live in the house I bought after a divorce. It was to be a predictable life with few surprises. Instead, I unknowingly got on a full-time rollercoaster in business, hardly made any money, and had lots of struggles and fun doing it. However, I failed miserably in business during a global economic crisis. I didn’t know there were worse things to follow because of it. How was I going to get out of such a disaster?

My friends thought I was crazy to have quit my safe, secure, and successful career. I thought I was insane, too, but I was tempted by a dream to make millions and gain financial freedom. The allure of more freedom always caught my attention, and I always wanted more of it. My first career was well-established, yet I took the risk to sever myself from it. I embarked on an adventure where I didn’t know what I was getting into. It was like jumping into a black hole where you couldn’t see anything, yet you jumped anyway. Was I foolish? Some said I was, but I was never one to listen to what others had to say.

In a network marketing business, you must talk to many people to recruit business partners and secure sales to make a living. I was a shy woman who didn’t often talk to strangers and hated asking anyone for help. From the beginning, it looked like I was doomed, yet I pressed on with determination and tenacity. I read books to learn how to engage in conversation with others and practiced the skills in any situation where there was a gathering of people. I was awkward at it, but I got better at it as time progressed. I took courses to learn how to sell and market. I loved learning and trying out new things. Every day was an unpredictable day. I worked more than when I had a job. I thought more about the business than when I had a job. My business demanded me to find ways to meet hundreds of people and converse with them. Refusing to accept failure or to quit, I pulled out my resourceful and creative skills I didn’t know I had to help me forge ahead. Using them allowed me to press on, and I kept at it for five years. 

You could say the business built, challenged, and strengthened the character I didn’t know I had in me. As I have heard, you need to face a significant challenge to discover what you are made out of. Through the business, I found a me I could be proud of today. It brought forth my tenacity, resilience, creativity, resourcefulness, determination, and relentlessness to face challenges. I was undeterred, focused, unafraid, and courageous. I have come to like this person today.

The business dominated the first half of my forty-something period. Included during that time was much socializing. After all, it was an extremely people-oriented business. I had four proposals in my twenties, got married at thirty, divorced in my thirties, and got my fifth proposal in my forties.

I didn’t make much money in business, yet some millionaires admired me for my characteristics that revealed themselves during my stint in the industry. One man, in particular, took a liking to me from a distance for several years before approaching me. The attraction and the relationship lasted for many years and included a proposal. However, during the global economic crisis, the business closed, and the relationship abruptly ended when he cheated on me. Blindsided, I didn’t see the tsunami crash on me and take me out to sea.

I drowned and died that day. But the fighter in me swam ashore and walked around like a zombie for months. I breathed like a human being. Food tasted tasteless. My mind was blank, and my heart felt nothing. I was numb and had no feelings to feel. More than ten years later, I still can’t shed any tears about the devastation. I have since learned to forgive but have not forgotten the pain. Thinking of it now is like a sharp pin poked into my heart. But it doesn’t bleed and goes away in seconds. 

As if a global economic crisis and a business closure were not bad enough, worse things happened simultaneously. I lost my house in a short sale since I had no income and could no longer afford the mortgage. The crisis broke my bank, and when my love cheated on me, he broke my heart.

I overcame many adversities before I was forty, and here I was, forty-something, and I lost everything. I lost my home, business, money, and boyfriend. I had hit rock bottom. In my mid-forties, I was in a mid-life crisis. How did I end up in such a place? I was such a careful person, but I took many risks in business, including having that boyfriend. Could I stand up to fight again?

I am a fighter; no one or nothing can stop me from fighting to stand back up again. I am like a bamboo. Knock me down if you will, but I will stand back up, and I did. I flew away to an island to recuperate. While there, I listened to a stranger’s story of her misery. Suddenly, as if I woke from a coma and returned to the living, I flew back home, reenergized, looked for work, and began moving forward.

I always had a passion for learning a foreign language, which gave me motivation and energy, so I decided to move abroad. The idea had never entered my mind before, and here I was, considering a huge change that could be life-changing. I had taken an enormous risk in business and failed miserably, and here I was about to take another significant risk. All I could say was that I was already on the ground, and my only direction was to go up and rise from the dead.

I sold or donated most of my things, including my house and car, and packed my bags to go to an unfamiliar and foreign island. The process was heart wrenching and sad. I had spent a lifetime getting to the point of having my own home, car, and career, and now I was about to lose it all from a failed business venture. It was topped with no support and a cheating boyfriend. Could life get any worse? How was I going to get out from under such a disaster?

”If you want to fly, you have to give up the things that weigh you down,” said Toni Morrison. This quote entered my mind when I got to the airport. I gave up most of my possessions and left my country with three suitcases, carry-on luggage, and a backpack. My broken heart and the people I knew were also all left behind. There was nothing left to weigh me down. As I waited to board the plane, a strange sensation came over me. I felt light. I had lost almost everything, yet I began to feel delighted. I had little, but I had the most important thing with me: Me. I knew I was the one who was going to pull me out of hell.

I arrived on a tropical island, and the hiring manager greeted me with smiles and drove me to my temporary stay. The next day, my boss greeted me as if I were her long-lost friend and I had never met her. Unbeknownst to me, it was the beginning of me living in paradise, where I was carefree and worry-free like never before. I call it a honeymoon that lasted four-plus years. The second half of my forties ended with living happily in paradise. I worked hard and played hard. I traveled up to six times a year and explored many places I had never seen before. The travel education left me in awe of the world we live in.

Some risks end up in disaster, and others end up in wonders. At forty-something, I took significant risks and experienced both. Would I do it again? I don’t know, but maybe! What I know is that the forty-something me lived life, and I have stories to tell that could make you feel sad for me but rejoice with me, too.

Once A Prostitute
Dressed in a fuchsia-colored mini-jean skirt and a glittery black knit top with thin straps, I walked down the dark street with fishnet stockings and high heels. I tied my long hair in a bun at the top to make myself appear taller. My friend and I stopped by a black-poled streetlight to photograph us two gal pals and commemorate the occasion. Under the streetlight, you can see my baby-blue eye shadow, thick eyelashes, and glossy fiery red lipstick. My friend Abby wore feathery brown earrings, a short blue jean jacket, a black top and mini-skirt, and nude stockings with black heels. We were ready to paint the town unrecognizable.

Hidden under all the makeup that we didn't usually wear, you wouldn't recognize us. You wouldn't know it was us under all the revealing clothes and stockings we never wore. Those who passed by us took a second look at us. That was what Abby told me. I couldn't see clearly without my glasses, and I didn't want to see anyone looking at me. I would be embarrassed because I was uncomfortable in my outfit. Everything was a blur to me that evening, but Abby said we got smiles from the ladies, and men stopped to look at us with interested, happy faces.

I never expected to be wearing sexy clothing or putting on thick makeup. But Abby insisted that we have fun dressing like prostitutes for one evening. She found all the wardrobe needed, and we dressed for the occasion. It was Halloween night during our junior year of college.

We returned to our dormitory after our walkabout in the crispy, cool autumn breeze. Indoors, we were under the lights with no mystery. Dormmates recognized us but stopped to take a second look. Greeted with smiles and comments about how beautiful we looked, I was still in a daze. Abby was happy and said thank you for the compliments. Other dormmates stopped to look, puzzling over how the costume didn't match how we usually looked. Some were surprised, and some were even shocked that our prostitute stance didn't fit our usual self, which appeared conservative. 

Though I resisted dressing as a prostitute and was most uncomfortable in my costume, I learned a few things that gave me food for thought that day. Too often, others judge us by how we look or react a certain way by how we appear. At night, we got smiles and whistles for looking sexy. We got the surprised look with indoor lights because it wasn't what others expected of "good" girls. Because it was unexpected of us, the fighter in me protested inside. I wanted to shout aloud that a person has many facets, and who are they to judge us? I wanted to yell at what they considered "good" girls could only do. 

Maybe they were right in their opinions based on only what they could see. But there is more to a person than what meets the eye. And you don't know what it is until you talk to that person or get to know them more. I know this firsthand. People who don't speak to me or talk to me very little have one opinion of me. Those who speak to me or spend much time with me have another view of me. The two opinions do not match well. I say the opinion of those who talk with me or spend more time with me have a more accurate view of me. So, please take the time to know a person before judging them!

That prostitute may not have accurately reflected me, but it was fun to crawl out of my shell and entertain being another character. It was also fun to surprise and shock others. I want to say there is more to this character of mine. Talk to me, and you'll know there is much you can discover. Isn't it the same for you? Give yourself and others a chance to not jump to conclusions and instead marvel at the many intricacies of people. Don't judge a book by its cover.

Key Takeaways: Though I took two significant risks in my forties, one leading to a disaster and one bringing me to paradise, I lived life thrillingly.

Though it was not my character to dress as a prostitute for Halloween, I had fun playing the role, and it reminded me that there are more sides to a person.

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called Fifty-Something and From Hurrying to Slowing Down. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please feel free to share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!