Thirty-Something (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Thirty-Something and Big Moves.

                                             
Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:00 Thirty-Something
• 5:55 Big Moves
• 14:20 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #150 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Thirty-Something and Big Moves.

Thirty-Something
Soon after I turned thirty, I thought I was officially old and that it was the beginning of the end. In fact, I did unimaginable things that could have marked the end of me or the me that I knew. Now that I am older, thirty-something seems so young and innocent. I will never be that young again, but it is still possible for me to do some of what I did then!

I got married at thirty; nothing to brag about, but I was happy to be married, or so I thought. I married into a family that welcomed me and treated me like their own once we were married. This point was significant because I never seemed to belong with my biological family or relatives, and my uncles told me so. It was the first time I enjoyed the warmth of a family. I had a husband who had a stable and secure job as an engineer. He put family or me first. He would drop what he was doing to attend to my needs, even the most minor thing, if I needed anything. He wanted to do almost everything together, too. Who could ask for a better husband? Or so I thought.

After marriage, things changed drastically. Hubby was no longer the attentive, loving gentleman he once was; he had turned into an anal and controlling monster I failed to foresee coming. After seven years of marriage and trying to make it work, I divorced him. This action was unimaginable to me because I believed in marriage and refused to accept divorce as I thought it to be a sign of failure. Still, I mustered the courage to do it. 

Freedom ensued; I broke the chains that held me down, and I soared like a bird. I bought my first house alone and was proud of it. This accomplishment mattered because there weren’t many things I was proud of or could acknowledge myself. I experienced the joy of choosing my furniture without compromise. I went for a car wash because I could do that instead of washing it myself. When I was married, I didn’t have that option. I went to get a take-out for dinner. It was thrilling because when I was married, my only choice was to cook dinner and have it on the table ready for my hubby by 5 p.m. We only went out to eat when my in-laws invited us. Hubby welcomed it because it was free or paid for by his parents. He was generous when he wanted to be but was a cheapskate at other times, especially after we were married. I didn’t know that marrying this person made me lose my freedom. Divorcing him was like breaking out of jail. Freedom never tasted so good!

I worked in a business part-time for a number of years and could never risk quitting my job to work full-time in it. According to my husband, it was an unacceptable kind of risk. After I divorced him, I jumped out. I quit my safe and secure job to pursue a dream of making millions in the financial services industry. I failed miserably financially, but I had the best adventure of a lifetime and learned many invaluable things about people and life. Making ends meet was an enormous struggle, but the freedom to do it was precious.

The ultimate freedom was when I was 15,000 feet above solid ground. Once there, a seventy-second drop released me into the boundless sky to slowly float back to Earth. Strong winds held me up and blew refreshingly on me. It was the first time fear escaped me; anxieties and worries disappeared, and my mind went blank. All I did was fly like a bird, look down at the world below me, and smile joyfully. Such unabashed happiness came to an end too soon when I landed back on Earth. 

I enjoyed freedom when I first went to college and escaped the emotional family torture as a teenager. I enjoyed having a full-time job to pay for all my needs when I started my career in my twenties. To enjoy and appreciate freedom from an emotionally abusive marriage was an enormous relief. To experience skydiving, extreme freedom, was breathtaking. And I didn’t realize there could be other freedoms to enjoy later.

Big Moves
Born in the South, how did I end up on the East Coast? Living on the East Coast, how did I end up on the West Coast? Living in one big city, why did I move to another city, which was more like suburbia? And how on earth did I end up living on an island nation far away from my home in the United States? Each move upended my life with dread and exhaustion, so why bother making the big moves? 

Born in the South, Grandma saw how having three kids was a handful for my young mom, so she offered to take one off her hands. When Grandma’s family moved to the East Coast for work, Mom sent me to live with them when I was five. Without my agreement, that’s how I ended up on the East Coast.

The move turned my life upside down because I was far from my biological family and lived with Grandma’s family, who did not speak English. 

Had I lived with my siblings, I could see how life would have turned out for me because I saw how my siblings were when I visited them. They were materialistic, selfish, and uncaring people, just like Mom. How did she get that way? Perhaps she wanted to live the American dream by having a house, cars, beautiful clothes, and other things. She wanted to have an air of what she thought was a success. Though I didn’t live in her world, I was affected by it later.

Life with my grandparents, aunts, and uncles drastically differed from my siblings. Grandma constantly told me to study hard and get good grades so that I would get ahead in life. Her example showed me how to work hard and save money for a rainy day. Though she was poor and could not speak much English, her kids studied and worked to help support the family. She kept a united and warm family where they cared about each other. This family was the kind of family I witnessed. Though I did not grow up with my siblings, I am glad I did not grow up in the environment Mom created where siblings were constantly compared and pitted against each other. After realizing I was fortunate to be raised by Grandma, I stopped complaining about that big move that turned my life upside-down.

Another natural but nevertheless big move happened when I went off to college. I call my two-year stay in Connecticut a utopia. I was free from all the negative turmoil related to my relatives. I was emotionally free as a bird and financially independent from them, too. After two years of college, I moved to California. Why did I shake and shatter that beautiful life? Before starting college, I had fallen in love for the first time, and then we continued a long-distance relationship for two years until I gave in to his relentless persuasive talks. I made the big move in the name of love.

Though we broke up for the next two years until I graduated from college, moving to California opened me up to a new world I had never seen. It tested my survival and independent skills like never before. Naïve and daring, I explored many unknown places. I was a freed caged bird that flew joyfully, enjoying freedom at another level.

Had I stayed in Connecticut, I may have continued in the safety and comfort of my utopia, but I would not have spread my wings and dared to venture out of the cozy safety net I lived in. Though content to be where I was, I am glad I shook and broke my haven to go out and test my stamina and strength of character. I learned many life skills. The move was all worth it.

Fresh out of college, I moved to the big city near where my first boyfriend lived. I enjoyed painting the town full of multicultural food and activities. It was natural to move after graduation, so I did not consider it an enormous move. However, I was furious when I married and lived next door to my mother-in-law. My husband insisted that I give it a try. I endured and comforted myself that my annoyance was all in my head and having the in-laws next door was not bad. Still, I told my husband I would not start a family with him as long as we lived there. 

Four years later, my husband woke up from a bad dream. He said he dreamt we had a deformed baby because I had the kid too late. It was all too real for him. He informed me that new homes were constructed near his workplace, an hour away. He endured two-hour commutes roundtrip daily and didn’t seem to mind, but after having the dream he had, he changed his mind in an instant. He wouldn’t explain the deformity, but he appeared horrified by it, and the following week, he made an appointment for us to look at the new homes. We swiftly chose and bought a new home in the suburbs, and it was a matter of months before construction was complete and we moved.

The move felt like the beginning of our married life after four years of living next door to my in-laws. They were kind, but we were like overgrown kids living near them. The move to the burbs was like breathing fresher air and tasting married or adult life together for the first time. As it turned out, I loved the city where we relocated and was glad for the move.

Some years later, after I got a divorce, quit my longtime successful career, and went into business full-time, an unexpected gigantic move was under consideration. It was 2008, the year of the global economic crisis, and I was smack in the middle of working in the mortgage industry. The company went out of business; my dream of making millions was shattered. Returning to my former occupation was no longer easy. Those with jobs kept them, and those planning retirements delayed it. Out of business and out of a job, I was also out of income, and my bank accounts were dwindling. 

In dire straits, I had hit rock bottom. I could no longer afford to keep my house. Aside from money issues, everything else was also going down the drain. Before drowning, I decided to move to another country where the cost of living was much lower to save myself. It was an enormous move with considerable risk, but I was already at the end of my rope.

Had I not taken the chance, I would have missed out on living in paradise, figuratively and physically. Never in my life was I so carefree and worry-free. In less than a year, it was the first time I did not have to count every penny. I traveled to a number of countries each year and met people from many walks of life. I enjoyed the challenges of a new job, which afforded me a lifestyle of travel and adventure I never thought possible. This colossal move opened the doors to an unimaginable kind of freedom. Like the American bald eagle, I am full of strength, courage, and power to soar.

Each move from one place to another was physically and emotionally challenging, but facing each difficulty brought new experiences. The experiences gave way to the sharpening of survival and life skills. Moreover, the growth and development strengthened my character and allowed me to step forth with the courage to go where few have gone. Dare, dare to soar.

Key Takeaways:
Though I got married and imprisoned in the first half of my thirties, I divorced and broke free to enjoy freedom like never before. 

Though I made big moves out of necessity or a natural transition, each move brought forth courage and lessons to learn.

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called Forty-Something and Once a Prostitute. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please feel free to share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!