Those Teen Years (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Those Teen Years  and Better Late Than Never.

                                             
Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:02 Those Teen Years
• 5:45 Better Late than Never
• 14:43 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #148 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Those Teen Years and Better Late Than Never.

Those Teen Years
I hear many people had lots of fun in their teen years. They did wild things, tried new things, and had fun. I was not one of them, so I have nothing exciting to share about those years. Still, you could say I had some eventful teenage years. I unknowingly learned and practiced many important survival and life skills that helped me overcome many adversities. My teen years were full of struggles and distress. But in the darkness, a glimmer of brightness gave me hope for a brighter future.

After living with my grandmother from age five to fourteen, I gained values that established the foundation of who I was and what mattered to me. Suddenly, at fourteen, I was thrust back into my biological, nuclear family because Grandma thought I should go back to live with my parents, now middle-class members of society, and enjoy the better life they had established. No one realized that the shift would shatter my somewhat stable life. 

Grandma taught me to study hard, cook and clean, save for a rainy day, and value the traditions of our ancestors. That was what I grew up with, and then, when Grandma suddenly threw me back to live with my parents, I learned that money was supposed to solve problems instead of communication. Looking physically good was more important than developing inner beauty. Mom’s values were wholly different from Grandma’s values. How could mother and daughter’s values be so different? Caught between old-world values and immigrant values of the American dream, I came to hate one (my mom’s) and adopt the other (my grandmother’s).

At seventeen, I dreamed of attending college to escape the family life that disturbed my emotional well-being and troubled me. My uncles told me I didn’t belong living with my grandmother’s family. My parents had long sent me away to live with my grandparents, suggesting I did not belong. I wanted to run away where no one would say I didn’t belong. I wanted my own universe. Before I could run, I needed lots of money, but I didn’t have it.

Desperate to make my escape and find my freedom, my creative skills began to appear, and they helped me find the finances to afford a college education. I no longer needed to hear my uncles say I was too stupid to go to college. I no longer needed to hear that no one would pay my college tuition. I did not need to hear that I did not belong somewhere. Though it was challenging to work, study, and secure financial assistance, the money management and multitasking skills I developed were invaluable to my survival.

As wonderful as college was, vacation time came, and I could not stay in the dorms. I did not want to go home, so I looked for a place to go and explore. It was not fun as money was tight, and I had to watch my expenses for hotel, food, and transportation. It forced me to continue to be careful with my money. 

Though much of my teenage years were about saving money for my escape and finding ways to afford college, I learned to manage my money and multitask. I am glad for those acquired skills, which became a part of my independence journey. Though difficult, there was one most fortunate thing in all the difficulties.

The best thing that ever happened to me in my teen years was when I had my first boyfriend at sixteen. He became my soulmate. I could talk about anything with him. He encouraged me and gave me the strength to press on to achieve my dreams of going to college and graduating. With no emotional support from relatives, he was my rock. With no financial support from any family member, he was my support to stay determined to get myself to college. Of course, landing in the clouds and floating in love felt good, too.

The teen years were not so bad because my soulmate appeared to support and encourage me through the challenges, and I found my way to college and financial independence at seventeen. Through the darkness, I triumphed to give myself hope for a better future!

Better Late Than Never
Is it possible for people to make a 180-degree turn and change their attitude toward you? I did not think it was possible. When I saw it happen before my eyes, I was suspicious and did not consider it sincere. Even as time passed, I was still wary and thought it was pretentious. Whether genuine or fake, I decided there was a positive somewhere. Unexpectedly, I found it, and it changed my perspective and attitude.

I once lived on an island enjoying paradise. Work was terrific for a couple of years until it wasn’t. Co-workers frequently called me to do many tasks that were not part of my job. At first, I happily did it because everything was new to me. Soon, more tasks piled onto my plate, and it was overflowing. I tried harder to help others who requested my help. After a while, I said, “I am not a dog!” No one seemed to understand what I meant. I felt like I was treated like a dog to go fetch and do whatever anyone wanted and without any appreciation for any tasks done. I still did as much as possible because I enjoyed the challenges of the various tasks. 

I only got fed up when another co-worker repeatedly sabotaged my work. I only got angry when I worked hard to organize everything well, and then subordinates tried to undermine me, and the boss believed them. No one seemed to respect my position granted me for years. The worst was when you think you have made progress with three steps forward, and the boss puts you two steps backward. It all hurt. It repeatedly happened for a few years and looked like it was only worsening. Work became meaningless because progress did not occur. The boss was set in her usual ways of doing things, and I couldn’t do anything about it. After all, I was not the big boss.

After some years, I returned home because I was seriously disappointed and disgusted with how things turned out. What began as paradise ended in the dumps. I had no plans to return to a place that was the dumps when I left. I didn’t ask for appreciation, but upon reflection, they underappreciated all I did for them, and what made it worse was they didn’t trust me to begin with. And I didn’t do anything to create that distrust other than the fact that I came from another country.

Back in the USA, I had more time to reflect and had a change in perspective. Instead of thinking they took me for granted or used me like a dog, I was probably called on to do various tasks because they needed my help, and since I could do the work, they felt comfortable coming back over and over again to ask me to do more things. If I thought I was overworked or overwhelmed, it was me not setting limits or saying NO when necessary. Was I expecting perfection? Maybe. Was I hoping they would hear my ideas? Yes. Did I want them to see the good I did for them? Yes. I didn’t get what I wanted. Nothing was perfect.

The strangest thing happened while I was taking a personal development course. It occurred to me that perfection was inside imperfection. Everything in life is perfect because it is imperfect. It dawned on me that I was expecting something to turn out my way, and when it didn’t, I was frustrated and irritated. Suddenly, I saw the beauty in all the imperfections of life, including my time abroad.

After some months of struggling to decide, I finally made a decision. I returned to living and working on the same island as before. I returned to a place I thought I would never return to, and the paradise I once knew no longer existed. Where I relocated was not as convenient and quaint as before. The job I had before was no longer mine. I went from a top-level position and back to the bottom floor. It was back to the beginning doing the most boring and monotonous work. I never imagined that my return would be a lot worse than before. With a raging global pandemic, I had no better place to go. At least I was safe here and had a job to make a living.

Only one thing gave me a little solace. I was positioned at a low level, yet I was treated like royalty. It was strange indeed. I pondered what the boss said about me; I wondered how they all got brainwashed. Even people I did not know showed respect in how they greeted me and attended to my every request. I gathered I was the new person on the block, but it didn’t begin to ease up until six months later. Even after that, the new attitude of 180 degrees change remained. To put it bluntly, the less-than-nice attitude toward me changed into a more-like-royalty one.

Three years later, the 180-degree change was still in place. I attended an event where I could see all the powers to be or people I had worked closely with previously. A heartwarming moment I imagined came to be a reality. Sannie was eating a snack. I came up to her, and she hugged me. I said I wanted to work with her again. She said, “Come back; I welcome you back.” Jeannie overheard us, came over, and said, “No, Emily, come work with me; I could really use your help.” Sannie said, “No, Emily has worked with me for years; she can return to me.” Jeannie then said, “I can take her to lunch and develop our connection.” Jeannie persisted, and then Sannie told me just to say “mmm mmm” to show I answered but that if I went to any other branch, I would be back with Sannie. During this conversation, Sannie sat on a low, tiny stool, and Jeannie and I squatted close to her. Sannie put her head against mine like we were great chums or sisters. I was never close to Jeannie, but I knew her. This scene was heartwarming. This scene was where I had a shift in perspective. For several years, I was suspicious and thought all the niceties could still be fake, but I changed my mind at that moment. The lightbulb in my head said, “Better late than never.”

Sannie had infuriated me on a number of occasions when I last worked with her. I was so angry that she was one of the people who made me leave to return to the USA. She even cried when I left. It was beyond my comprehension. I didn’t work much with Jeannie, but like many others in her position, they didn’t appreciate what I did for them when I did work with them. I wasn’t asking for appreciation, but I was hoping for a neutral to positive attitude from the many I helped.

In the next moment, I realized that everybody I worked with and didn’t work with showed respect, the respect I deserved long ago. How did it all happen? It’s called when you were there, nobody gave a hoot. But after you leave, they realize the void. They noticed all you had done for them before because no one person had replaced me. In fact, they had to all jump in and do parts of the job while I was gone, and they realized it was no easy feat. They got a taste of what it was like to be in my shoes. They didn’t like it. They were grateful for my return to go back in my shoes because they didn’t want my shoes. That doesn’t leave a good taste on my tongue, but I can finally smile and once more say, “Better late than never.” That is perfection inside of imperfection.

Key Takeaways: Though my teen years were full of struggles and challenges, I developed life skills to help me face adversity. 

Though I felt treated like a dog to help others at work and left the job, I was treated with respect when I returned after some years.

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called Twenty-Something and Two Sides of Daydreaming. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please feel free to share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!