Lost Moments (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Lost Moments  and The Unlikely Friendly One.

                                             
Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:02 Lost Moments
• 7:40 The Unlikely Friendly One
• 14:19 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #147 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. . In this episode, you will hear about Lost Moments and The Unlikely Friendly One.

Lost Moments
Moments that are gone forever are lost moments. You want to hold on to them, but you cannot go back to grasp them. You may reminisce or feel sad. How can you feel better about those beautiful lost moments?

I was floating in the clouds the first time I fell in love. I may have loved others after that, but they were never like the first. My head seemed weightless, and my face exuded radiance. It was strange, yet I welcomed the contentment it brought to my heart and soul. Decades later, I sensed the same sensations without notice, and they alarmed me. I smiled from ear to ear as I spoke on the phone with a friend about someone I was falling in love with, and I realized I felt a sensation resembling something long ago. It made me giddy as a schoolgirl. It shocked me; I couldn’t believe I could feel something I had felt so long ago. I thought what I had with my first love was a lost moment, but I enjoyed it a second time. It was all too precious.

Going off to college was most exhilarating. I was a little girl who broke out of a cage to turn into a young woman who could stand on her own two feet. Freedom was before me and tasted better than anything I could have imagined. The gentle breezes and open space gave me room to fly. No longer trapped between four walls where I was demeaned and belittled by relatives, I could spread my wings and soar like an eagle. It is a moment I want to experience again. This bird could never allow herself to be stuck again, but nearly two decades later, she found herself caged again, but by marriage this time. However, having tasted freedom, she fought back to regain it later by divorce. When liberating moments were lost, I had to find and relive them again.

The Landmark Forum, an international personal development program, forever changed my life for the better. I took it when I was twenty-five; it was the first time I knew where happiness lay. Learning that happiness and many other things were a choice was life-changing. It was not dependent on many external factors; it was dependent on me. I found or regained my power to take action to create the life I wanted or generate the thoughts and feelings I wanted. I always say the first time I was happy for no reason was when I was twenty-five. It was the first time I experienced sheer joy. Though that first moment has long passed, I will forever remember that I have the power to generate any feeling from within, and I always have a choice. With the power and choice in my hands, I could generate joyful moments over and over again.

Marriage was supposed to be a happily ever after, but it became a minefield for me. Living with my husband was like walking on unpredictable ground. You never knew when or what would set off his explosive temper, including screaming at me for two-plus hours. Though reluctant to get a divorce, I finally did after seven long years. When my lawyer finalized the divorce, I never imagined the joyful relief. I was a caged bird set free when I unlocked the door. I took flight and skyrocketed to relax on a cloud and enjoy all the beauties of freedom. That moment when I escaped was a moment I wanted to relive. It was a beautiful elation. Contentment ensued as I knew that anytime I lost my freedom, I would fight for it until I found it again.

The global economic crisis of 2008 nearly crippled me. I worked in the mortgage industry and was gravely affected by it. I never thought I could place myself in such dire straits, but I did. I didn’t know how to get out of it alive, but I had to find a way or be destitute. I moved abroad to start a new life. In all my dreams, I never envisioned I could live in paradise. It was not simply that I escaped to an island but that the many people I encountered were friendly, kind, and helpful. Immersed in a new world, I enjoyed living in paradise for four years. The satisfaction in being of service to others, the joy in taking on a leadership role, and the fun of traveling all over Asia were incredible. Sheer joy seems tiny, but living in paradise was like a four-year honeymoon I never thought I could experience. They are lost or gone forever. Though gone, I would find another kind of paradise. I found a new passion I could generate daily through writing and podcasting. Who says you can’t have paradise again?

How can I feel better for all those beautiful moments gone forever? Falling in love for the first time was also the first time I was happy. Escaping to college was my first taste of freedom and the beginning of my independence. Feeling joy for no reason and knowing I have a choice, I acknowledge my power to generate what I want and choose what I will. Finalizing a divorce was my start to a new life of doing whatever I wanted and whenever I wanted. Moving abroad made me boldly go to new places and do things on my bucket list or do the unimagined. How can I get back these incredible lost moments? 

I reminisce and treasure that I had those moments. I remember that I have the power and choice to create new memories. I can generate feelings and thoughts at will. Why not choose those that will bring fulfillment?

The Unlikely Friendly One
I landed in a foreign country, knowing no one. Excited for a new beginning, I was all smiles. Theo, the man who interviewed me for the job, was to pick me up as I arrived at 11 p.m. The tall man, full of smiles, greeted me. Soon, I got into a van with his wife and kids. Their friendliness put me at ease. Little did I know, I had landed in a friendly country, and it was about to change my life in surprising ways.

I arrived at the front desk to ask for the big boss. Sasha made a call and said the boss would be over in twenty minutes. I sat there waiting and wondering what my life would be like in this country. Dazed and jetlagged, I couldn’t think clearly. I could only take one step at a time or wait one moment at a time to see my fate.

Soon Amy, the big boss, arrived to greet me. She hugged me and told me she had been waiting all morning for me and that she was dressed in a beautiful dress for me. But I wasn’t there in the morning. I didn’t know she was waiting for me. Theo must have told her about me, and she became eager to meet me. Her reaction to meeting me was unusual as this was the first time I met Amy. Though it was strange, her welcoming gestures were overwhelming friendliness.

Soon, I started working and was bored out of my wits. I began searching for language exchange partners and arranging a time to meet with them on the weekends. I gave each one two to three-hour time blocks before I went to meet my next language partner. My weekends were filled with meeting four to six people. By the end of the weekend, I was exhausted from running around and talking. Luckily, the dull moments at work were my relaxing breaks to recuperate from the weekends!

Sitting at cafes with language partners, I soaked in the delight of a carefree life, meeting new people and exploring new places every week. Some partners commented that I was friendly and that they appreciated it. It made me laugh; they had no idea why I was laughing. I still think it is funny! Nobody from my home country of the USA would ever describe me as friendly because I am not!

I am generally a quiet girl who can be seen with a few friends around her. I am not the kind that has hoards of people around her or the one that would be the life of the party. If I were at a party, I would want to crawl into a hole because I didn’t know how to make small talk with strangers or acquaintances. It was most uncomfortable and stressful for me. I would wish to leave and relax in the privacy of my own home. In some ways, I am still that girl who enjoys her alone time. But now, I also enjoy conversing with people I don’t know well.

Upon entering a friendly country, I unexpectedly became friendly myself. I never imagined myself to be socially warm or called friendly by others. Hearing it gives me the giggles because I still think it’s hilarious that a quiet, shy girl like me could be called friendly! After hearing it some more, I realized I was a changed person. Who says a person couldn’t make a hundred-and-eighty degrees turn? I did. But it wasn’t simply because I was on a friendly island.

Before arriving in a foreign country, I was in a business where I needed to sell to anyone I knew or didn’t know. It was most challenging to be a door-to-door salesperson or in a network marketing company if you were quiet and shy like me. Needless to say, I almost starved to death because I couldn’t open my mouth, and even if I did, I didn’t know what to say. Emergency crews needed to be on standby, but there weren’t any. The only one to save me was myself.

I read books on how to start conversations, practiced what I learned at networking events and anywhere there were people, and played it like a game with other entrepreneurs. The more I did it, the easier it got. It wasn’t natural for me. The more I did it, the more creative ways I found to make it fun. I needed to survive!

I didn’t realize how I had sharpened my skills until I had language partners tell me how I put them at ease by initiating conversation. They weren’t comfortable talking to foreigners. Indeed, I could keep a conversation going for two to three hours. It is a skill that you can learn. I never thought I could chat with strangers for long, but now I can. I am still quiet but can be friendly when talking to an acquaintance or stranger.

If you are not a natural like me, it is a life skill you must learn; it connects you with more people. It is handy to have the skill when you travel worldwide. It is useful when you move to new places or neighborhoods. It is helpful at any social gathering or business event with many people. Connecting and interacting with others makes for a more meaningful and exciting life. 

No longer frustrated searching for conversation topics, I start talking. I unglue my mouth to speak words. I stopped being afraid to initiate a conversation. I remember or choose to believe that others are afraid and want to connect too. Thinking that gives me the courage to open my mouth first. My inside voice says they secretly thank me for opening my mouth first so they don’t have to do the hard work. I willingly do it because it strengthens and empowers me. I was unlikely to become a friendly person, but I did. It’s not simply a useful skill to have, but when it helps you connect with others, it contributes to a more meaningful life. Leave me a comment, or let’s connect!

Key Takeaways:
Though moments in the past are lost and gone forever, we can reminisce and treasure them.

Though no one knew me to be a friendly person before, with a bit of skill development and a change in perception, I have become friendly.

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called Those Teen Years and Better Late Than Never. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please feel free to share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!