An Unexpected Friendship (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about An  Unexpected Friendship  and So You Can't Take No For An Answer.

                                             
Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:02 An Unexpected Friendship
• 7:58 So you Can't Take No for an Answer
• 14:19 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #146 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about An Unexpected Friendship and So You Can’t Take No for an Answer.

An Unexpected Friendship
You never know when the next person you talk to could become your friend. You never know where you might meet someone; they could become your friend. Some show up in the most unexpected ways. Either way, sometimes there is a reason, and sometimes there is no reason.

Penny, a young lady half my age, sat before me five days a week to help me with my foreign language speaking skills. It was a one-on-one conversational class, yet she pulled out color-coded flashcards with sentence examples for vocabulary cards. I noticed how well-prepared Penny was, but she was unprepared for my advanced skills. Her approach annoyed me because it made me feel like a child or a beginner in the language, and she was informed of my level beforehand. I wanted to change to another teacher because someone came to ask if I wanted to on the first day, but I didn't. I thought it was too soon to tell. Luckily, I didn't switch to another teacher.

On the second day of our classes, Penny quickly adjusted her teaching strategies to suit my level. She said she rarely had a student at my advanced level, so she was unprepared. Penny began with some topics she had in mind, but she told me I could also suggest topics for discussion or conversation. On the first day, I introduced myself and let her know my dilemma. So, on the second day, we started with a conversation about my turmoil in more detail. I named the pros and cons of staying in America or moving to Asia. My trouble turned into a pros and cons discussion written on the board; it was my problem smack in front of my face. The solution appeared apparent that I should move abroad, but I still hesitated to decide. Still, it was fun to talk about it in a foreign language.

To my surprise, Penny gave me her own example of a dilemma. Her fiancé lived in another city, and she debated whether she should move there or have him move to her town. She outlined the pros and cons of her problem. I gave her a few ideas that never occurred to her. I suggested that she move to her fiance's town since he was her future, which would be a new beginning in her life. Even though we both did not make a final decision on that day, we enjoyed the discussion immensely. Patty also stayed focused and professional and ensured I understood any vocabulary I didn't know in the conversation. She challenged me to use some unfamiliar words in sentences that were practical.

Each day forward was another conversation related to our personal experiences. I was surprised we could have so much in common because I was twice her age. I was interested in all the topics she chose, and I never had to come up with any other ones. Every so often, she would stop to ask if I had another topic I would like to discuss, but I didn't. She asked for my opinion and the pros and cons of buying a house since she contemplated doing so, and I had bought several myself. We talked about dreams and goals. We even talked about characteristics we liked and didn't like in men. Sometimes, it was like we were having girl talk, and it was fun. Our discussions even turned into sharing opinions and giving advice. You or I might forget that we were in class and one student and teacher were in the room. I will, however, remember that I was in class because I was learning so much from Penny beyond a foreign language. She gave me a jolt to appreciate my strengths and abilities.

Penny was a great teacher, and I did not expect to talk with her again after my classes ended. She asked to keep in touch, and she called me a number of times. One phone conversation had me giddy as a schoolgirl because we talked about a language partner I had. I fell in love with him and didn't know it or refused to admit it. Penny charged that I was in love, and I denied it. She said it several more times for me to realize it. In that phone conversation, I realized I was feeling the same feelings I had with my first boyfriend, the one I loved most. I didn't have those feelings with other boyfriends, so I knew it was unique. Penny, my unexpected friend, helped me realize that.

In one of our lessons, Penny gave me an article about things that expire, including friendships. We discussed it, and I found it most interesting. We usually think about food and other items expiring, but friendships expire, too. I shared about a friend named Kayla. I had numerous conversations with her, and we were great friends, but something happened, and our special friendship ended. I was troubled and sad about it, but I wasn't so sad about it after my conversation with Penny. Though I had some friendships that expired before, few had me as troubled as the one I had with Kayla. But because of the expired friendship with Kayla, I learned that many friendships do indeed expire, and I came to accept it.

I don't know when it started, but it was probably a smooth transition from teacher and student to friends. Penny was an unexpected friendship. First, I didn't think we had anything in common because of our age difference; I was wrong. Second, I thought our cultural differences would have us disagree on many things, but I was incorrect. Third, we come from different countries and ways of being; I didn't think we could connect and bond for long, but we did. Last, she was my teacher, and I didn't expect her to become my friend. 

Our connection reminds me not to jump to conclusions or assume what ingredients would make a friendship. You never know when, where, or who you may meet; they could become your friend. You may think you have nothing in common and find that you do because humans are humans, and we have more similarities than differences. However long it may be, treasure it because, like everything else, there is an expiration date.

So You Can't Take No For an Answer
Salespeople are annoying whether you find them in the store or on the street. You want to run away from them. Why do so many people dislike them? What can we do about them? Instead of running away, you can face them and have them hear what you have to say. You no longer have to avoid anybody who tries to make you do what you don't want to if you know what to do.

Walking into a clothing store, a saleslady immediately comes over to ask if I need any help. I shake my head to say no. They may think they are trying to be helpful, but don't they know I can browse and find things on my own? Don't they know I would ask for assistance if I wanted service? Maybe if I wanted the help, I would appreciate it, but most of the time, I am just browsing!

Walking down the street, someone is passing out flyers, and I walk away without looking at the flyer's content. Down another road, someone else is passing out flyers, and I may take one and quickly glance at it before tossing it out. Why do I do that? I don't want to be told what to buy. I don't want to be given a flyer I did not ask for.

Being on the receiving end of being faced with a salesperson, I know how it feels, or I know what goes through my mind when I am approached by one. I also know what it feels like to be a salesperson, too. 

When I was in business, I made flyers. I didn't want to pass them out and be rejected like I rejected those who passed out flyers. I posted them or placed them where they could be seen or found. I don't think it made much of a difference. But I had to do something. The need to sell and put food on the table was essential. I also approached strangers to tell them about my business; they would turn away before I could finish. I got to experience what I did in response to other salespeople. It was disheartening. Lots of hard work went into making ads, finding a place where people gathered, and finding a way to converse with others. Yet the result was one rejection after another. It was hard to bear, but I pressed forward.

I learned to make new friends or acquaintances by finding commonalities and then sharing about my business. It seemed more natural, but that approach was met with plenty of rejections. So, how can any salesperson attempt to sell and make money? Does the brick-and-mortar have it more accessible? They provide shelved products; if people want to buy, they will buy. However, how do people know it is there without some form of advertisement?

I have been the salesperson and the potential customer. I have been on both sides but have no simple answer or explanation. I see people in marketing still doing the same things. The odds of getting the results wanted are slim, yet the same strategies persist. However, in my experience, there is a glimmer of hope for increasing the odds.

You have something to sell as a business owner, entrepreneur, or salesperson. The more frequently you advertise or put your products in front of people, the sooner they will notice or click to see what you are all about. The longer you are around, the more likely customers will pay attention and look at what you offer. That may sound reasonable, but as the person offering the products, it can be a challenge. You need to be exceptionally determined and persistent; you also need many connections and deep pockets. That is my conclusion from my experience.

As a potential customer, I have learned that some salespeople may get pushy because they are tired of trying to get you to buy, and then they turn nasty. But have a heart and respond nicely. How? I accidentally found a way by pulling out creativity.

My birthday always falls on or near the same day as Thanksgiving. Someone invited me to a Thanksgiving dinner, and she couldn't take no for an answer. I desperately wanted to refuse the invitation but didn't know how to get out of it. Then, I realized that she was a person who demanded things and expected reciprocation. In other words, she wouldn't take no for an answer. It is an excellent trait to have when you want to succeed in business. And she was a successful businesswoman. In the past, I always complied and thought her persuasive or felt I needed to listen to the other person's request. Years later, I stopped. I needed to stand up for myself more often and insisted I would do so.

I told the person I had made plans for my birthday and would be out of town. I asked that she respect my birthday wishes to take a trip. She kindly replied that she would respect my birthday wishes. When she used the word respect, I knew she heard me. She backed off and said she respected my wishes. I went to do what I wanted and did not go to the dinner I was not particularly eager to attend. Feeling good that I stood up for myself, I also felt good being respected.

The next time a salesperson or anyone who wants you to buy or do something you don't want, tell them you don't want it and to please respect your wishes. If you are that salesperson, say to yourself: Next. Keep moving; the yes response will come as long as you stay determined.

Key Takeaways: . Though not every encounter can turn into a friendship, we must first communicate and connect to learn of its potential. 

Though you might hate to say no or receive a no from somebody, asking others to respect your (“no”) decision is crucial.

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called Lost Moments and The Unlikely Friendly One. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please feel free to share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!