Getting Comfortable Under My Skin (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Getting Comfortable Under My Skin and Two Famous People.

                                             
Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:03 Getting Comfortable Under My Skin
• 7:34 Two Famous People
• 14:47 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #145 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Getting Under My Skin and Two Famous People.

Getting Comfortable Under My Skin
“Emily, why are you so quiet? You should talk more.” I heard something like that over and over since I was a child. As a mature woman, I realized why I hated hearing it. It was because it made me feel like something was wrong with me. Others suggested that my quiet way of being was not okay. Being an introvert was not preferable in the world that surrounded me. “Emily, why don’t you smile more? Smile; you look better that way.” I heard that thousands of times, and it annoyed me to listen to it. My insides said if I had something to smile about, I would. Why do people feel the need to tell me to smile? I don’t need help with it. I will smile when something makes me smile! Remarks about my quiet nature and unsmiling face combined to make me feel like it was not okay to be me or I was less of a likable person. Worse, I reacted by feeling uncomfortable under my skin. It has taken many years, but one day, I leaped to getting comfortable under my skin.

When told to speak, I could not figure out what to discuss with strangers and acquaintances. I wanted to chat with others but was clueless about what to talk about or ask another person. I ended up feeling awkward. Put me in a social situation with more than a few people, and I couldn’t wait to get home to relax. Trying to figure out how to converse with others was torture. Feeling forced to be talkative gave me anxiety; I wasn’t free to be me. 

After many years, I realized that some people are uncomfortable with silence, so they request or demand chatter or noise. Perhaps my quiet presence made them uneasy, and I thought they were telling me they didn’t like how I was! You could say it is all a matter of perspective. The perception I held for decades was that something was wrong with me. No wonder I was that awkward person standing there speechless in a social gathering. I was struggling to find a way to be comfortable to be myself!

I wanted to be more extroverted or talkative because society demanded that of me. I wasn’t that person. Try as I might, I couldn’t be that person. Then, I went into the sales business. It didn’t look right for a quiet person, but the business opportunity piqued my curiosity, and I joined it. If I didn’t know how to talk to someone, I could not make a sale, and I would not be able to put food on the table for myself.

Desperate to survive, I began reading books on how to start a conversation with others. I learned from reading books and immediately put into practice what I learned. In searching for prospective clients, I found many places to meet, greet, and converse with strangers. The more I talked, the more comfortable I got at it. I had finally learned the skill of talking to anyone. Today, I am most grateful for having acquired the skill. Though I am still an introvert, I know I can choose to speak to anyone if I choose to do so. I can be quiet or talkative.

While being talkative was not natural for me, I learned it was a learnable skill. I also discovered its value, making an introvert like me want to talk! The motivation to speak suddenly became a desire instead of only a necessity.

After a devastating breakup with a boyfriend who cheated on me, I fell silent. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it; it was shameful and embarrassing. For weeks, I hardly talked to anyone. I ran away from reality to escape into a quiet world where no one bothered me. My mind was numb and blank. I couldn’t even find my voice. I had no energy to speak. Since I was unemployed, there was no need to talk to anyone. I uttered no words for weeks. Then, I flew away to a tropical island and strolled beside a river with a stranger. She shared with me her miserable life. I could only guess that she saw my sad face and decided to tell me her sob story. Perhaps misery loves some company. It worked; her story awakened me from my robotic state, and I flew back home. I started talking to people and realized, by experience, that it is by verbal communication that we connect with others, breathe life into ourselves, and bring meaning into our lives. Speaking our voice is a necessity at times and a stimulus to give us purpose to live.

More important than being able to converse with anyone at any time is that I got comfortable under my skin when I got to that place of choice. Since I can do both now, I can choose to speak or to be silent. There is nothing wrong with being quiet. Being talkative is not necessarily better. There is nothing wrong with having an unsmiling face all the time. Why is there nothing wrong? I should not allow others to dictate how I should be. There’s nothing wrong with how I am. Being myself is much easier than trying to be something I am not. With a few changes in perspective, I am free to be me because I said so. Comfortable under my skin, I am free from caring about what others think of me. As James Leo Herlihy, novelist, playwright, and actor, said, “Be yourself. No one can ever tell you that you’re doing it wrong.”

Two Famous People
Thomas Edison invented the light bulb, the phonograph, the dictaphone, the electric pen, the automatic telegraph, the electric generator, and more. He is famous for his inventions, which have enormously impacted us all. Walt Disney designed Disneyland and Disney World. His amusement parks have been constructed in many countries and have entertained millions. The facts about these two men are well-known, but I must share about the character of who they were because it could inspire you to do something unforeseen.

Thomas Edison recorded 2,774 failed attempts before developing a working design of an electric light bulb. Had he given up, we could still be reading by candlelight at night or forced to wake up at the crack of dawn. What is inspiring is not simply his inventions but his tenacity. Would you try to do something over two thousand times? Would you have the determination to try so many times until you succeeded? Could you bear failure that many times?

I tried selling life insurance policies hundreds of times and only managed to sell a few dozen. My statistics were nothing to brag about, but when I shared my experience with others, the reactions surprised me. No one, including myself, ever saw me as one to be in the sales industry, much less the financial industry. But I was in it for five years. I passed out hundreds of flyers, only to see them tossed in bins. I approached hundreds of strangers, who only turned away from me. Engaging in short conversations at networking events or seminars did not yield many sales. Going on hikes or other social activities to have the chance to converse with others about my business yielded few results. Refusing to quit when I made so little baffled others. Enduring all the rejections for five years was mind-blowing to some. 

In the course of five years, only one stranger asked me how I could do it. It frustrated me because I did not have an answer. What kept me going? I didn’t know. Why didn’t I quit? I didn’t know. How could I endure so many rejections? I didn’t have the answer.

Thinking about Thomas Edison, I could now say it was because I had tenacity, determination, and focus. It was a part of my character, just like Thomas Edison. Driven to see me through it because failure had to lead to success sooner or later, I persisted, just like Edison. I smile as I find myself connected to Edison’s character. And it is that character that led those who heard my story to shed tears or feel moved. I never imagined my story of failure in business could inspire others, but it did. Trapped in my perception of failure, I felt ashamed, but after discovering my strengths, similar to Edison, I moved from shamefulness to pride.

Walt Disney and his designs of amusement parks captured the child in everyone and brought happiness to millions. What he did and continues to do for so many, whether he is alive or not, is incredible. What is inspiring is not only his amusement parks but how he made his imagination into reality. We all have visions and dreams, but not everyone will make those images into reality. Can you make your fantasies into a reality? Can you make your dreams come true? Some say it is impossible or difficult, so you put little effort into it.

I was one of those people. I had dreams and dismissed them because I didn’t think it was possible. In the next moment, I would tell myself that dreams are free, so go ahead and dream away. Even if it couldn’t be a reality, it could be real for the moment I was in my imagination. And so I lay down to enter into my fantasies.

I dreamed about becoming a writer more than ten years ago. I attended a seminar about writing my own book and never listened to the CDs I bought. I wanted to be a public speaker but could not find the right connections. I dismissed the fantasies for over ten years and never thought much about them. To be an author was not a good idea because I didn’t want to be a starving writer. To be a professional public speaker was not a good idea either. I had nothing to talk about, and who would listen to me? I further convinced myself that it was all a dream and could only be a dream. I didn’t know what I wanted to write about, and I didn’t know what I wanted to speak about, but I wanted to write and speak badly!

After twenty-plus years of teaching kids, I wanted to do something different. I quit and decided to give myself a year to figure it out and do things I enjoyed. I took some classes for enjoyment. I took a martial arts class and a few writing classes that interested me. I went on a spiritual journey to Bhutan to find happiness, and I went on language-learning trips to sharpen my foreign language skills. I had fun doing them all. 

When I wrote stories for my writing classes, I shared them in class and sometimes shared them with friends. My listeners encouraged me to become a published author, but I had no interest. But the more I wrote, the more I wanted to write. I wanted to know why I wanted to write. In the process of writing, I discovered my purpose. I could move, touch, and inspire others by sharing my stories. And with a purpose that lights me up, I began writing ferociously.

Thinking about Walt Disney, I can now say that making dreams come true begins with the imagination. Disney used his vision to make his dreams a reality and has made a difference to many. Like Disney, I dared to take a chance to make my dreams come true. I smile when I feel connected to Disney because he had a great imagination. I am now a published author and a podcaster; I write and speak my stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives. See my words in print or hear my voice in a podcast; I wish to give you food for thought, move you, or inspire you to greatness.

Key Takeaways: Though I was not free from what others thought of me, I learned that when I was comfortable under my skin, I didn’t care what others thought of me! 

Though I am no famously successful person, I possess the traits of determination, tenacity, and creativity like them. 

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called An Unexpected Friendship and So You Can’t Take No for an  Answer. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please feel free to share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!