Begging (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Begging  and Master the Disasters.

                                             
Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:02 Begging
• 7:41 Master the Disasters
• 14:27 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #143 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Begging and Master the Disasters.

Begging
It was a rare occasion when I walked on the downtown streets of San Francisco with my mother. Mom was dashing like she had many things to buy but quickly stopped in her high-heeled tracks. She saw a woman sitting on the sidewalk pavement with a bowl and a few coins in her lap. She looked at the woman in her gray dress and said, “No, she doesn’t need it. She is too fat.” Mom was going to give the woman some coins and decided not to because she didn’t think she was starving. Mom deemed the woman unworthy to put a few coins in her bowl. It was a brief moment, but I remember it. Mom had no compassion. Worse, I learned to have no compassion, just like her. And this was my mother, whom I didn’t often see in my life. 

Throughout the years, I would see more beggars on the downtown streets. I would know they were there but would not go near them. However, my thoughts would be, why don’t they get off their butts, look for a job, and get themselves out of their dreadful situations? That’s what my mom said previously, and I adopted her sentiment.

Years later, I was again on the same downtown streets of San Francisco, but on the opposite side where I had previously seen an obese woman with my mother who did not give her any spare change. This time, I was alone and walking towards a bus stop. On the way, I saw a young man in his twenties by the street corner. He was wearing an oversized gray rectangular board that hung in front and back of him. It covered him from his shoulders to the bottom of his knees. It said that he had lost his job and needed some money or another job. I didn’t see him carry anything to put money in. He stood there and moved around a bit with a solemn face.

The sight of this young man made me pause. I told myself that it was a brave person to stand on the busy streets like this where many people could see him. I deemed him brave, as I thought it could be embarrassing to endure such shame. I felt terrible for him, but I did nothing about it.

For too many years, I had no compassion for street beggars. What had changed in my mind? Perhaps it was a personal development course I took. While seeking to improve myself, my heart opened to have more compassion for others. But why was my heart cold to begin with?

A heart for caring for others was shut down a long time ago. Mom sent me to live with Grandma when I was five. Maybe my heart shut there and then. That little girl decided that no one cared for her, and she would not care about other people either. I also witnessed Mom’s heartlessness with a beggar and unknowingly learned to be like that.

As a kid, I struggled to care for myself and put myself through college, so I always had the attitude that I had to do it all myself. And in turn, I also expected others to do the same. Get off your bottom, and solve your predicament because no one else will do it for you. It became my invisible motto of independence. It is a strong belief that I hold on to very tightly. It has helped me pull out my creative skills to solve problems. It kept me tenacious until I resolved an issue. It has helped me overcome many adversities.

I despise begging, but wait; there is something else to consider. While I believe in hard work to get ahead in life, I know a lending hand could make all the difference for someone, too. 

Today, I have a job that gives me many opportunities to practice compassion. It also allows me to practice believing that people must work to solve problems, improve, or move forward. As a proverb says, “If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime.”

The next time you drop some cash into a container for a beggar, remember it will only feed them for a day. And there is nothing wrong with that. However, if you want to minimize the number of beggars, lend a helping hand that would make a difference.

In a position to teach others how to teach, I rejoice because I want to help others help themselves rather than be beggars who wish for a handout or something for free. 

I also teach children to help themselves and acquire more life skills to solve their own problems. Some want a handout where you do things for them or solve their problems. For example, Oscar needs a notebook for his written assignment, but he forgot to ask his mom for money to buy another one (in a private school). I reminded him many times. I also told him to ask another student for paper. But he sits there with a blank face and refuses to ask for help. He is already nine years old. Adults cannot always be there 24/7 to do everything for them. Some kids are reluctant to deal with issues independently and feign helplessness even in the most uncomplicated problems, such as having no paper. Don’t be deceived. I remind myself that whenever I solve a problem for them, I only feed them for one day. And when I teach and reteach them, I help feed them for a lifetime. I repeat with suggestions. The hope is that kids learn to help themselves rather than become the kind of beggars who cannot help themselves.

Helping ourselves can only increase confidence, strength, and creativity. If we need a lending hand, we must ask for it or search for solutions. If you are in a position to help or have the skill to do so, compassion can make all the difference in moving someone from powerless to powerful.

Master The Disasters
Two global disasters slammed on my doorstep, and there was no escaping. The economic crisis of 2008 was related to the real estate and mortgage industry, and I was smack in the middle of it. The COVID-19 pandemic of 2020 hit when I was on a spiritual journey, challenging me to overcome travel bans. Forced to deal with two worldwide catastrophes before me, I heard the spirits rumbling above and screamed back to say, “Why are you doing this to me? Haven’t I experienced enough adversity? Why do you continue throwing one challenge after another to test my strength to survive? I have overcome many hardships, so why are you still pushing me? Are you trying to make me give up, or did you want me to die?”

After two years of contemplation, I resigned from my safe and secure career, where I enjoyed many successes to embark on an adventure of a lifetime. After struggling for five years to make ends meet, I finally started making money in business, but the economic crisis knocked me down. I stopped making any money. My bank account was already low in funds, and I dipped into my emergency funds. Soon, I lost my house in a short sale. I was at the end of my rope, and I hit rock bottom. 

The risk I took to go into business and my dreams of making millions were shattered. All my efforts amounted to nothing financially. Before the fiasco, I had enjoyed a comfortable life and had a career I loved. But I seized an opportunity because I wanted a more extraordinary life full of adventure. Though I failed miserably, I learned many lessons and experienced many things outside my box, so I had no regrets.

Still, I had a financial disaster to solve, and my livelihood was at stake. Nearly broke, I was in dire straits. I never had any family support, and my friends also had difficulties during the global crisis. What was I to do? I sold whatever belongings I could. Finally, I sold my house because I could no longer pay the mortgage. Since I did not make any money from the sale, the money problem remained. I had never been so broke in my life. I knew it happened because of the risk I took, but I wouldn’t take it back even if I could. 

At the bottom, I had nowhere to go but up. But how could I pick myself back up? Unmotivated, drained, and having no energy to move, I pondered what would make my vitality return. What was I passionate about? I remembered my love of learning a language and decided to move to an island nation where I could practice the language and enjoy life with a low cost of living.

If I were not in the most challenging bind, I would have never thought of moving abroad. The idea had never entered my mind before. It was clear that had I not hit rock bottom, I would have never considered such an idea. And because I couldn’t go any further down, the birth of the idea surfaced.

I found a job online, and just like that, I moved abroad. I never imagined that I would land in paradise to enjoy a carefree and worry-free life. What little I made allowed me to travel to other countries up to six times a year and pay for all necessities. I filled my weekends with explorations and language exchanges at cafes. I enjoyed an incredible life that would have never happened had I not been hit by the economic crisis.   

When I left my paradise to return home to the USA, I encountered three years of bad luck regarding work. I left my highest-paying job because of an awful co-worker and boss. In the second year, I left my dream job, which turned out to be a nightmare. For the third year, I decided to take time off to discover my next career move. I took some classes and decided to move abroad once more. Then, the COVID-19 pandemic hit worldwide, and the government established and enforced travel bans. The airline canceled my airplane ticket, and it halted my planned departure. For two months, I fought to find a way to overcome the travel ban so I could be on my way to a job that was waiting for me in another country. I had to win this war because my livelihood was again at stake. I needed to hurry to earn an income before becoming penniless.

Two months felt more like two years. I sold many belongings and moved out of the apartment I could not afford anymore. My efforts to overcome the travel ban failed, and I moved to another city to stay with a friend who allowed me to stay rent-free. I continued to look for ways to overcome the travel ban. With the help of my friend, we thought of a way, and it was the last idea. If the idea did not work, I would be out of ideas, and you would find my blood splattered in the disaster. 

Luckily, the idea my friend and I created worked, and I was on my way to moving abroad. Sitting on the airplane, I could barely believe I was returning to paradise, where I had secured a job.

Two global disasters had me in dire straits. Twice, I had to sell my belongings, and twice, I saved myself by moving abroad. Sitting comfortably in my new abode, I am thankful I could endure the hardship to bring me to where I am today. The endurance, creativity, and determination to survive strengthened me to live to see another day and escape the disasters. Don’t give up. You never know what is around the corner.

Key Takeaways: Though I thought asking for help was like begging. I realized it takes courage to ask for help. Further, everyone enjoys a helping hand, so ask and give to others.

Though global disasters are huge setbacks, they test your strength of character.     
                                                             
Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called So Selfish and So Vain and The Meaning of Anger. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please feel free to share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!