Taking a Walk with Someone (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Taking a Walk with Someone and God is Fair.

                                             
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Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:02 Taking a Walk with Someone
• 8:02 God is Fair
• 13:54 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #141 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Taking a Walk with Someone and God is Fair.

Taking a Walk with Someone
After a big breakup, I escaped to a tropical island and walked along a river with a stranger. She must have seen my sad or distressed face because she started to tell me something very personal. My ears perked up because this stranger told me something I would not say to a stranger. She said her husband had a stroke in his forties. She had quit her career to care for him, and it had been many years now. She said it was her choice, but she wondered about the meaning of her life because things did not turn out as expected.

After sharing her sad story, Ann asked me what was troubling me. Seeing I was reluctant to say anything, she asked, “Do you have a home? Do you have a job?” I answered, “I have a home but no job.” “But you can get a job, right?” asked Ann. I said yes. “Then you can restart. You look healthy and able. Live; live the life you want.” Tears welled up in my eyes, and I quickly wiped them away. 

I didn’t share my sob story with Ann. Perhaps I was too embarrassed or ashamed of myself. There she was in a much worse situation than I was, but she held her head up. I was shaken by a devastating breakup after a nine-year relationship and held my head down. 

After two months of walking around like a robot, I was in another country where I met Ann. The walk by the river with Ann woke me from my robotic state of being. After listening to Ann’s misery with some upbeat spirits, I came out of my trance. After a few more days in a foreign land, I returned home. My walk with Ann lifted my spirits, and I rejoined the human race. My revitalized energy motivated me to get creative and look for a job after my business disaster. It also helped me reconnect with friends, let them know about the breakup, and the reason for my months of silence. Thank you, Ann.

I hadn’t seen Keith, my first boyfriend, for many years, but I saw him a few times after my divorce from Anson. In my mind, Keith was forever my best friend. I had just joined a few business partners in opening a new office and invited Keith to come to take a look. Keith had no interest in an office tour and said, “Let’s go for a walk.” Near the office was a path around a lake, and away we went on that path. We started chatting, and then Keith said, “Why aren’t you looking at me?” I said, “I need to look on the road to see where I am walking!” Keith responded, “Come on!” I turned my head to give him a quick look. But with that fast turn, he already knew, and that was what I was afraid of. Keith said, “You don’t need to be afraid; I won’t make a move unless you agree to it.” Keith was right. I was afraid; I was afraid of his magnetism and didn’t want to be pulled in by it. He could always read my mind, but I didn’t want him to read my eyes that day. 

But after that moment, I chuckled with contentment. It was comforting to know that Keith will always be the one who understands me with few words exchanged. He could look at me and see the roaming thoughts through my mind and attend to them if they were troubling thoughts or share my joy if they were happy thoughts. Ingrained in my memory was that glance at each other when we walked around the lake. We could talk without words. I smile, knowing he is always in my heart and soul. Thank you, Keith.

Some say I have a natural affinity with children. When Eason was born, I was excited to see my first baby cousin, twelve years younger than me. Every time Uncle Ray and Auntie Zelda came over for a visit, I was happy to play with Cousin Eason. The first thing I would do is to plop him on my other auntie’s twin bed. He’d crawl a bit and drool. He had the cutest curly black hair. I would look at him and enjoy smiling. Later, he could sit up and hang his arms out like he was ready to give a speech. It was hilarious. 

I hardly saw Cousin Eason when he began to walk or became a young man, as I had moved a few times and then went off to college. After Cousin Eason graduated from college, he came to the city where I lived and looked for me. I hadn’t seen him since he was a baby, and he was looking for me. I was thrilled to have a relative who cared for my existence. He joined me in my business, and we got along well.

Another ten-plus years would pass by before I saw Cousin Eason again. Again, he came knocking on my door, and I was in yet another city this time. Cousin Eason decided to move to my sunny state and asked to stay with me. I had a big house for a single divorcee and had space for him. Sometimes, he’d ask if I’d like to go for a walk. I loved walking for fresh air and exercise, but walking with Cousin Eason was different. 

Time spent walking around my neighborhood with Cousin Eason was time spent bonding with each other. He was like the little brother I never had. Though we each had our own paths in life, Cousin Eason would find something for us to do together, like taking walks. Those walks were special because they made me feel like I had a family. Of course, I have a biological family of parents and siblings, but we were never close. I also have other relatives, but Cousin Eason was the only relative who trusted me without question or judgment and took the time to get to know me as a human in our walks together. How could I not treasure my baby cousin?

You can learn, grow, and change by taking a walk with someone. Taking some strolls, you can communicate and bond with somebody. A simple daily exercise with someone can alter your thoughts and feelings; they can even change your relationships. Walk with someone.

God is Fair
Sitting on a bench waiting for a ride home, a lady sat beside me. She saw my unsmiling face. She didn't ask what was wrong or why I didn't look happy. I probably wouldn't have had an answer for her anyway. She proceeded to say, "You know, God is fair. If you are not in a good place now, you will be later. Better days will come." Her statements stuck in my head. I wanted to know if they were true. For many years, adversity seemed to knock at my door frequently, and I still did not find how God was fair. I searched long and hard before I found one example, but am I cruel to think of it?

Grandma Sandy raised me since I was five years old. Though she nagged at me daily while living with her, she took care of me, lectured me, and I grew up to be a decent person. When she died, I flew into town for her funeral. After the ceremony, all the relatives got together for dinner. Little did I know I would be cornered; I wouldn't have gone if I had known. Besides, Mom didn't even invite me. 

Grandma was dead, and Mom took the opportunity to ask what she wanted. It made sense because our family wasn't together often, and this was one of the rare occasions. Mom and Dad had six kids, and we were rarely all together. This time, we were all there except one sister, Hannah. She wasn't there because Mom didn't want her there. She tried to hide the long-held secret that Hannah was a single mom. Mom couldn't take the embarrassment, so Hannah was never at significant family events.

After dinner, Mom and Dad said they were retiring and needed each child to contribute one thousand dollars monthly to fund their retirement. My eldest sister donated. She was the favorite child and got everything she wanted. At sixteen, Dad bought her a BMW. My youngest brothers could not afford to donate money to Mom and Dad's retirement since they had no solid or stable careers. My youngest sister didn't think she could afford it. Then there was me. I said NO; I was most disturbed that they even asked me. They didn't pay Grandma to raise me since I was five. They didn't pay for my college education. They didn't even want to pay for the flowers for my wedding. They barely raised me and wanted me to contribute to their retirement.

There was a lot of silence. Dad softly said, "We are doomed." Mom said, "Grandma (her mom) had all her six kids help her in her old age; why won't my kids help us? She was baffled. I was surprised she was puzzled!

Grandma took care of all her kids with love. Mom sent all her kids away at some point in our young lives, except for my eldest sister. Everyone resented or hated Mom except the eldest. I was amazed that it did not occur to Mom that she did not care for her kids like Grandma did, yet she expected the same result. Mom didn't care about most of her kids, and they didn't care about her either.

Was it what goes around comes around, or did God show he was fair?

I took a foreign language and culture class with a dozen students. One day's class topic was how to deal with the problem of an aging society. The instructor asked, "What would you do with your parents when they grow old?" We each took a turn to answer or share our opinions. 

One classmate said she would take care of her aging parents because they took good care of her, and she had loving parents. The rest of us said it was up to what our parents wanted for themselves, and we'd have nothing to do with it. Some said they were kicked out of the house at eighteen and had to get a job and go to school at the same time if they wanted.

To my great surprise, most of my classmates had the same answer as me! My parents didn't care about me, and I didn't care what happened to them either. I thought I was alone in my thoughts, but I was not. Maybe I comforted myself or excused myself for my opinion. I had no compassion, just like my mother. Perhaps I am not kind or loving when it comes to my parents, but my feelings are mine. I still think what goes around comes around. God is fair. You do something bad or wrong and get to be on the receiving end to know what it feels like.

I wasn't compassionate toward my parents. However, I have since learned the importance of compassion when others give to me. I greatly appreciate others who are kind to me and lend a helping hand. On the receiving end of it, it fills my heart with warmth and gratefulness. It motivates me to show compassion toward others and help where possible. Giving feels good and brings more peace and joy to ourselves and those around us. So, make an effort to do kind deeds!

Key Takeaways: Though walking is good exercise, you can also gain something valuable when walking with someone.
Though I often find God unfair when facing challenges, I learn from adversity and find positive moments to give me hope.

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called Tackling the Fear of Aging and Judged by My Looks. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please feel free to share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!