Stuck (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Stuck and From Diversity to Homogeneity.

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Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:02 Stuck
• 8:53 From Diversity to Homogeneity
• 14:38 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #134 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Stuck and From Diversity to Homogeneity.

Stuck
Brad told me he couldn’t drive fast in this small town with a low-speed limit whenever he came to the office. However, he said he had to speed through the tunnel before arrival. I asked why, and he said he had to because he didn’t want to be stuck inside the tunnel if there was an earthquake. We all laughed, but the word “stuck” stuck with me. I suppose Brad was afraid of being trapped,  so he did what he could. I would later repeatedly hear or notice the word “stuck” from various people and felt my distaste for the word. I wasn’t clear why, but I was later glad I had such displeasure hearing the word and rejoiced at my aversion.

Drake said he was stuck in a loveless marriage and only married his wife because she got pregnant. As the child got older, he said he couldn’t leave his wife because he felt sorry for her. He frequently used the word when talking about his marriage. I didn’t enjoy hearing the word and told Drake I didn’t like it. He said he couldn’t think of a better word to explain his situation. I began to avoid the chance to hear Drake complain about his demise.

Celeste said she was stuck in her marriage even though her husband lived in another country. She felt sorry for him because of his health issues. She did not believe in divorce and thought marriage was forever, so she didn’t get a divorce. I don’t know if her religion helped her or limited her. But she made her choice to stay stuck.

Too many people feel stuck in a marriage for one reason or another. I was in an unhappy marriage but did not see myself stuck in it. I attempted to make it work, but I found that it was not a marriage I wanted, so I got a divorce. 

Esther said she hated her job and was stuck because she needed it to pay the bills. Felice said she loathed her job and complained about it nearly daily but didn’t leave it. Melanie shared with me that she hated her job but could not find another job because employers were not hiring people over forty, so she stayed stuck in her job.

I had been satisfied with my career for over twenty years and never realized that there were many people who were unhappy with their careers. At my mature age, I unexpectedly got to experience what many felt in unsatisfying work. I started saying I was only staying to pay the bills. I also said I couldn’t find a better-paying job, so I didn’t go elsewhere. Further, it wasn’t easy finding another one at my mature age. In essence, I said everything I heard from others and could not stand it. 

I felt stuck and needed to find my way out. It was unacceptable. I needed to do something I enjoyed and find a new passion. Driven to unearth one, I did. It was there all along. I didn’t pay much attention to it before, but I found it when I burned to do something I liked. I began writing short stories and podcasting. The joy of expressing an inner voice stuck inside was like a bird getting out of a cage he didn’t know was unlocked. 

One day, before my students began their writing assignments, I told them they needed to focus and finish within thirty minutes. One bright student, Charlie, said it was impossible. I was wholly offended. I snapped back and said, “Don’t tell me it’s impossible. When you say it is impossible, you are saying it can’t be done, and when you think it can’t be done, you make it impossible.” He continued to explain his case to reason with me. I would not hear it and told him so.

I proceeded to remind Charlie of several things we learned in History. I said John F. Kennedy proclaimed that America would put a man on the moon. Many thought it was impossible, but it happened. The USA did put the first man on the moon. I continued and said that Steve Jobs once wanted a computer that anyone could conveniently use. Others laughed at him and thought it was but a dream. Today, you can hold one that acts like a computer in your hand to quickly and conveniently use it. Another bright student, Benjamin, commented, “Yeah, people didn’t think something was possible before, but it happened later.” I chimed in and said, “Never say it is impossible because when you do, you stop possibility from happening. Think before you say that word again!”

My aha moment came. I discovered why I hated the word stuck. The term stuck was synonymous with impossible. When you are stuck, you can’t go anywhere. It makes me cringe to hear the word. There is no hope for a resolution when something is deemed impossible. And if there is no solution or alternative, how could anyone get to a better place? What is the point of living without anything to look forward to or the power to blaze a new path?

I believe in possibility. It gives me hope for a better tomorrow. It helps me utilize creativity to find solutions to problems and design things I want. It is through possibilities that we can hope, create, persist, and develop amazing things. Without it, we have no power or ammunition. Don’t kill your possibilities.

I didn’t have money to go to college, but I found a way because I was determined and believed there had to be a way, so I found it. I was in an emotionally abusive marriage; I sought solutions and found the courage to get a divorce. I believed there had to be a solution, and my mind did not say I was stuck. But in another instance, I was stuck in the USA and could not travel abroad to begin a new life because of travel bans from the global pandemic. I searched for solutions and refused to give up hope because I knew there was a way. When I didn’t find one, I knew it was because I hadn’t seen it yet, and it was up to me to find it. I did find it and moved abroad.

If I did not believe anything was possible or that there were solutions to problems, then there would be no hope or motivation to create and make things better or improve situations. If I accepted being stuck, then I would have no hope for a better tomorrow,

The next time you feel stuck or say something is impossible, think of what you are saying to yourself. Don’t set limits on yourself; create your possibilities. Say no to being stuck!

From Diversity to Homogeneity
I come from the land of many immigrants or descendants of them. Having lived in big cities, I was used to seeing various people from different countries. My parents were immigrants, and I was the first generation born in America. I never appreciated the mix of other ethnic groups I grew up with when I lived on the East and West coasts of the USA. It wasn't until I arrived in a primarily homogeneous country that I began to appreciate America. I had thrust myself into a world opposite to my upbringing. I expected to see many things different from the USA, and I did. But I never expected to come to treasure and hold dear where I came from. 

In my new homogeneous world, where I was the minority, the people initially appeared kind and friendly. Most people seemed to get along more or less. I concluded that it was because it was a homogeneous society where most people thought and did things the same way. Because they thought and acted similarly, there was little to argue about. No wonder they seemed happy or content with where they were in life. Disagreements were minor occurrences. It made sense and was cause for the locals' satisfaction.

It appeared that in the homogeneous world that I was in, there were only minor conflicts. Any significant differences in opinions were uncommon. It seemed like a utopian world where it was a rarity if anyone loudly argued or had a fistfight. I enjoyed it and basked in it for several years, and then I didn't like it anymore. Something seemed missing and lacking.

Most frustrating was that various viewpoints or perceptions were not apparent; I could not easily find them! I began missing my home country, where the mix of people from many different countries created differences in opinions and perceptions. Why did that matter? The exposure to differences expanded my views and perceptions. It gave me more ideas, which could give rise to more ways of solving problems and creating and inventing new things. This concept was crucial to me as it contributes to an individual's growth and character.

Like traveling to different countries, you can discover and get a taste of other cultures and ways of being vastly different from your own. Then, you can expand your vision, design new things or ideas for yourself or others, and enrich your life. I began to think of all the inventions that came from the USA. It occurred to me that brainstorming many ideas with different kinds of people from different backgrounds and ethnicities lent itself to designing and creating new concepts and products. Various people with different ideas developed many new things that contribute to others. I began to feel proud of my country, the USA.

Living in a homogeneous place for a while can get monotonous with the same kinds of food, music, and places. A lack of variety can create boredom, and I hate getting bored! In my moments of boredom seeing the same sorts of places and food, I think of my home country. At home in the USA, I could find more kinds of food from different countries. Here I sometimes get bored eating the same types of food and wish there was more variety.

Though the food and places could get monotonous, there is still good in this simpler life. I have fewer things to worry about or think about. Life is less complicated, and I have more space in my mind to create new ideas and work on new projects.

Of course, there are positives and negatives in a homogeneous and diverse world. Of relevance is to have experienced living in both worlds; you get to feel each one's pros and cons and determine better what you like or don't like. Judge for yourself.

In the homogenous world, I enjoyed a simple life. I had fewer choices, which lent itself to fewer headaches and decisions to make. I saw less variety in people, places, and things; it may be less exciting, but it breeds familiarity and comfort. People had similar ideas, and there was less conflict among people. Harmony was present, and there was more time to relax.

The variety in a diverse geosphere gave me many options. I enjoyed being exposed to many different ideas, cultures, food, music, languages, and more. There was little room for monotony and much room for excitement. The variety expanded my perceptions and increased my creativity to design and solve many things. Though there may be more disagreements among people, they challenge you to grow, change, and develop better things.

Having lived in both worlds, I also enjoyed their positives and negatives. What is important is to appreciate each one and carve out the world you want to live in, no matter where you locate yourself.

Key Takeaways: Though I hated the word stuck, I discovered why. I realized that I refused impossibility. I believe in possibilities; it is where you can solve problems and hope lies. 

Though I moved from a country of diversity to one of homogeneity, I learned to appreciate the pros and cons of each one.

 Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called Know Your Expiration Date and Bathroom Horrors. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please feel free to share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!