Unnoticed Freedom (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Unnoticed Freedom  and  From Materialism to Minimalism.

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Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:04 Unnoticed Freedom
• 7:07 From Materialism to Minimalism
• 15:07 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #133 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Unnoticed Freedom and From Materialism to Minimalism.

Unnoticed Freedom
Freedom, the power to act, speak, or think as one wishes, has long been a most valued treasure. Many have fought and killed for it. Others have endured pain and suffering to obtain it. Some still fight for it in daily life. I have fought for it without realizing I gave all my strength, energy, and wit to obtain it like the soldiers on the battlefield. And then there is unnoticed freedom that could take a lifetime to acquire. Is all the physical discomfort and emotional distress worth it? Can you live long enough to enjoy the sweet taste of freedom and digest its beauty?

I quietly scrimped and saved money to go to college. It wasn't enough, so my wit stepped in to find more money to afford college. It had to be done because my future and freedom were at stake. If I didn't find the money, all my hopes and dreams would die. I would be left to suffer more emotional distress at home, and no self-esteem would be left to give me hope for a brighter future. 

I got married and realized I had trapped myself in jail with an emotionally abusive and controlling husband. I lived in a minefield that could explode with his temper at any time. Divorce was in order, but how would I find the courage to escape to freedom? If I didn't muster up fearlessness, my self-worth would disappear, and I would have a meaningless life.

Trapped indoors from a pandemic and unable to move abroad as planned, I was stuck. Travel bans and airlines canceling my air tickets did not allow me to fly to where I needed to go. I wasn't claustrophobic, but I would be penniless and homeless if I did not find my escape to a job waiting for me abroad. That was a frightening scene. My livelihood was in jeopardy if I didn't find a way out.

Limited by money, controlled by another human being, or restricted by rules or procedures, I was imprisoned. My freedom was hampered. I had to find a way out. It was too important. Mustering strength, courage, and wit, I found my way out to cry like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., "Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty….  free at last."

Visible freedom is easily detected, but what about the unnoticed ones that could take a lifetime to find? Once I discovered them, who cares how long it took? What matters is that I found them! I call them the gems of life: ultimate freedom or another level you'd like to reach and enjoy.

When I stopped caring about what others thought of me, I realized it was an unnoticed freedom. When I stopped caring if I pleased others, I noticed it was another freedom. When I started having time to enjoy my hobbies, passions, or side hustles, I recognized more flexibility. Unafraid and unapologetic, I was free to be my authentic self, boldly go into unknown places, and start to enjoy being myself. Such unnoticed freedom acquired is like precious diamonds.

I learned to stop caring about what others thought of me when I joined Toastmasters International, a platform to practice public speaking. Worrying about how others would judge me hindered me from doing a good job. Then I thought to myself, why do I care what these acquaintances think of me? I shouldn't. So, I dropped worrying about what they thought of me; I had no control over it anyway! After I stopped being so concerned about being judged, I noticed I gave much better speeches. And because I felt good about my speeches, it became easy to stop caring about what others thought. It didn't help. What helped was me just being me. As long as I was my authentic self, I was at ease. Being myself is much easier than trying to be someone I am not!

The more I didn't care what others thought of me, the more I stopped caring about pleasing others. My logical self said something that made total sense. It isn't easy to please others if I am not happy or pleased myself. So, prioritizing my happiness will help me to make a difference for others.

By pleasing myself or doing things that make me happy, I found time to enjoy my hobbies or passions. The more I did them, the happier I became. The happier me made me better equipped to contribute to others without trying to please others.

By not caring what others thought of me, I found myself more confident. My confidence helped me to become bolder and unapologetic. Unapologetic, I accept myself as is without the fluff. This kind of freedom feels incredible! Please notice those unnoticed freedoms you have and enjoy them!

From Materialism to Minimalism
I hated my mom for being materialistic. Dad was the breadwinner, and she was the housewife. She shopped for many things to make herself appear beautiful, and his payments only encouraged her shopping habits and way of thinking. As a teenager, I loathed it because of how my mom used it. Whenever anyone was unhappy with something or if she needed to solve a problem, she used money to solve it, such as buying us things instead of communicating to resolve issues. I hated it even more when I saw how she valued outer beauty over inner beauty. As a young adult, I realized I had fallen into a similar trap. I thought buying more possessions represented my success or wealth. I became what I hated. How was I to resolve this internal conflict?

Others said Mom was beautiful, so I didn’t understand why she had to get cosmetic surgery to make her nose straight instead of maintaining her pug nose. She also had her full lips made thinner and her chin made pointier. I didn’t think it made her look any better. I was disgusted with Dad spending thousands of dollars to change Mom’s natural self and her refusal to accept herself as is.

Mom went on to do worse. She passed on her thoughts and values to my older and younger sister. Older sister Jenna got a nose and chin job, and younger sister Hannah had her breasts enlarged. I managed to escape being dissatisfied with my looks because I grew up in Grandma’s household, which was different from Mom’s family.

As a child, Mom sent me to live with Grandma, who was poor. Less than ten years later, Dad saved enough money to buy a new house. Mom had to brag to all the relatives, so we all knew about it. Her actions led me to believe that large possessions such as cars and houses represented wealth and success. I unconsciously made a note of it.

Grandma even bought the idea. I knew this when she sent me back to live with Mom and Dad because she felt I deserved to enjoy the luxuries my siblings enjoyed, and she wanted to give me what she didn’t have. And so I returned home as a teenager. I got my own lovely bedroom, but I also felt alone, like an outsider from the biological family I did not grow up with. I lived with a beautiful exterior around me, but I was miserable against the values my mom imparted.

I grew up to marry a man who was also materialistic. Anson’s behaviors reminded me of Mom, and I felt uneasy about it because anything or anybody like Mom was to be somebody I didn’t like very much. Anson showered me with gifts when we were dating. After marriage, we shopped together, and he bought almost anything I wanted. He had a house of his own before we married, and a few years after marriage, we bought a bigger and newer house together. It sounded like a dream come true for most women, but not this one. Of course, having the nicer things in life was nice, but something was off. 

I noticed that buying new things made me happy, but the joy lasted less than an hour. I wondered why the fun was so short-lived; I wanted something that satisfied me longer. I wasn’t clear about what it could be or what I needed to fulfill myself.

Living in a big, beautiful house was nice, but something was missing. I dared not share aloud my dissatisfaction. I could hear others saying, “What’s wrong with you, Emily? You have a doting husband and anything a girl could want. What’s wrong with you? You should be happy!”

But I wasn’t happy; my exterior world looked good. But my inner world was not beautiful. I didn’t have a best friend in my husband, and he was too anal for me. After years of toleration, I divorced him. Soon, I bought another house of my own and bought a brand-new car.

I was used to a bigger house and bought myself a three-bedroom house, thinking I would remarry and have a family. It didn’t happen. Worse, I had gone into business and lost a lot of money. I had to force myself to sell, donate, or dump many things. This instance was when materialism reared its ugly head toward me. 

I had unknowingly done what my mom did. Upon reflection, I had done what society encouraged. Buy and buy more. Make money and make more money. That determines your success in life. I believed it for the longest time. Sure, you could say it is a part of one’s success, but it is not all-encompassing. I lost nearly everything to realize there was much more to life.

The initial loss of property and possessions pained me because I felt like it was throwing money into the garbage can or tossing out all my accomplishments. The process of deciphering my belongings hurt, but all the pain disappeared when I arrived on an island nation far away from home.

The transition from one country to another also began my move from materialism to minimalism. To my surprise, the fewer belongings I had with me left me feeling a significant load lifted from me. The result of having less yielded unexpected positive benefits. I didn’t need all I had and didn’t miss most of the things I donated, sold, or dumped. With fewer things, I also had less to maintain. It created more free time. The added free time that I did not have before was now available for me to enjoy my hobbies and travel more often.

Minimalism came to give me more free time because I spent less time on chores and taking care of belongings. With no car, I no longer had the maintenance and insurance expenses. With my feet as the primary mode of transportation, I exercised more. With less living space, I had less to clean. Minimalism came to provide me with a carefree life with fewer worries. It also gave me more freedom to enjoy things I wanted. Once trapped by materialism, I broke free to enjoy life with minimal possessions.

Having more things gave me more responsibilities, tasks, and headaches. It took away from me more free time and gave me more worries. Having fewer things made me more mindful of needs vs. wants and what was more valuable or important to me. It added more free time to enjoy a carefree life with fewer worries.

Having more things was not better. Having more free time was better because it gave me more time to do what I enjoyed, which is more fulfilling and lasts much longer to satisfy the soul.

Key Takeaways: Though there is physical and emotional freedom, there is also unnoticed freedom from how we think.

Though I came from a materialistic society, I naturally transitioned to minimalism when I moved abroad and learned of more valuable treasures.

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called Stuck and From Diversity to Homogeneity. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please feel free to share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!