Coming Out of My Shell (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode, you will hear about Coming Out of My Shell and The Slow People.



Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:01 Coming Out of My Shell
• 8:46 The Slow People
• 14:13 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #131 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Coming Out of My Shell and The Slow People.

Coming Out of My Shell
I heard it a million times growing up and well into adulthood. I was sick of hearing it. Others would say: Emily, why don't you talk more? Stop being so shy; say something. Those comments pounded into my head made me feel like being quiet was not okay. It made me feel like something was wrong with me. I came to believe something was wrong with me. 

Growing up with relatives where I was the youngest in the household, no one seemed to listen to anything I had to say. Sometimes, my grandma, aunts, or uncles told me to be quiet or to shut up. Like a good little girl, I shut up. I shut down and crawled into a hole. I formed a habit of being quiet unless asked to speak.

I didn't know there was a name for people like me. I am an introvert. I enjoy quiet periods alone. It relaxes me, recharges me, and energizes me. Being with large groups of people for an extended period, like at a party, stresses me out. Going home and alone in my room, I can unwind.

Quiet for most of my life, you'd be surprised to hear that I had a voice dying to come out, dying to express itself, and dying to be heard. But early in life, my voice was silenced.

It wasn't until midlife, when I jumped into business as an entrepreneur, that I began to crawl out of my shell little by little. The business environment tugged at me to dream big and realize my dreams. To make it all happen, it required me to go out and talk to anybody and everybody. I would not make a sale if I didn't talk to people. I could not recruit anybody into the business if I didn't talk to people. My livelihood depended on me making sales and recruiting business partners. I had to talk to people and persuade them that I had an excellent product to sell and a good business to join. If I weren't a success, I would go hungry. And hungry, I went. The hungrier my tummy was, the hungrier I was to succeed.

Whenever I spoke to people about the business or the product, I felt like I was asking for help or begging them to buy from me so I could make some money. I could get to places with many people, which allowed me to talk to many people. But I would speak to a few people and produce no results. I had a big problem with my mouth; it wouldn't talk when I needed it to talk. My stomach growled, but my voicebox barely made words that would entice customers or business partners.

Over and over, I asked myself how I would solve my problem. It had to be solved, or I would never have a chance to succeed in making money in the business. I got an idea! I decided to go skydiving to help me overcome my fear of talking to strangers. It did the job. I learned that we create or imagine most of our fears in our heads. Experiencing it gave me enormous power to kill fear. After my flight into the open skies and floating down from a parachute, most of my fears miraculously disappeared. Before jumping out of the airplane, fear and all the thoughts that came with it had my heart pumping loudly. That was fear overpowering me. The moment I jumped out of the airplane, all the fear disappeared. Dropping and floating in the sky was incredible sheer joy and freedom. The reality was far from the horror that I imagined in my head. I got it; we make up many things in our heads! 

After skydiving, I boldly stepped forward to be more productive. First, I read many books on how to start a conversation with people. I needed to learn it badly, and I found answers in the books I read. Next, I found networking events, seminars, and anywhere I could meet people. Before arriving, I would set the goal to talk to at least ten people about my business and product before I could leave. A business partner and I turned it into a game to see who could hit ten people first. Talking to strangers was excruciating before, but later, it was fun! The more I practiced what I learned from the books, the more I was at ease doing it, and I got better and better at it. A few sales and a few recruits came along. As time passed, a few more came along, and so on.

When I began giving motivational presentations and sales training, the voice within me slid out to reveal its power to encourage others to keep moving forward despite rejections for a sale or a recruit. Soon, business partners asked me for help to make sales, and they gave me fifty percent of their commission! My tummy warmed and quieted itself. 

Though I dreamed of making millions, I never did. However, I did make some money and learned many valuable life skills, including knowing how to start a conversation with strangers and keep it going.

Little did I know how valuable the ability to talk to strangers was until I moved abroad. Moving abroad, I knew no one. Everyone was a stranger to me, and I needed to talk to people to find my way around, ask questions, and make new friends. I sought language partners to practice the foreign language and make new friends. To my surprise, I conversed with many different people every weekend, and I spoke with ease. Some acquaintances said I was friendly and easy to talk to; I was shocked by such comments.

Soon, the comments gave me chuckles. It let me know I had come a long way from decades of being quiet and unable to start conversations with strangers comfortably. I was in a foreign country, speaking a foreign language with strangers. Many were uneasy speaking to me, a foreigner, and did not initiate much conversation, but I kept conversations going for up to two or three hours. Realizing this, I rejoiced, and I crawled out of my shell.

I am still quiet and enjoy retreating to my home to relax and do things alone. However, I also enjoy talking to anyone without feeling awkward. Sometimes, it feels good to be in my shell, and sometimes, it feels wonderful to come out and connect with people through communication. The bonus is that I no longer feel uncomfortable talking to people or finding things to discuss and relate to others. If you are like me in the shell, you can learn to come out without fear and awkwardness. It is a learned skill, and you get better at it with practice. It is worth it because connecting with others is essential for a more exciting life!

The Slow People
People who move slowly, react slowly, and do things slowly, I call them the slow people. Please don't be offended if you are one of them. Slow people usually irritate me, but I have also learned a great lesson from them, so hear me out!

Every day, I have a list of things to do and find great satisfaction in checking off the items I have completed. It makes me feel productive and accomplished. It lets me know I did not waste my time because time is too precious. The older I get, the more critical it is not to waste any valuable time. Doing something meaningful is crucial because I don't want to die with my tombstone saying; Here lies Emily Kay Tan, who wasted her life and didn't do anything of value for herself or others.

I start my day by completing as many things on my list as possible. I hate procrastination. It's annoying to think about what you need or want to do. It feels much better to get something done and feel better. Why give yourself more irritants?

I had some things on my bucket list, such as skydiving, hot-air balloon riding, writing and publishing a book, starting a business, and traveling to more countries. For the things I did not do, they nagged and nagged at me until I did them. What a freeing feeling it is when the internal nagger disappears!

First, it was kindergarten, elementary school, junior high, high school, college, graduate school, career, or job. Then, it was to get married and have children. Next, it was to be waiting for the kids to get out of the house, have grandkids, and enjoy retirement. Was that not the usual norm? But I wanted more, so I hurried to fit in other things. I brought the expected societal norm to a halt after I got married. It didn't all work out; I got a divorce, ventured to do other things, and was still in a hurry. I was in a hurry because my time on earth was limited, and I knew I would eventually expire, so the need to hurry was real to me. The time bomb in my head said to do more and do more faster before it would detonate and blow me into smithereens.

I could not allow myself to be one of the slow people; I prided myself on being one of the not-so-slow people who got more things done in life. I traveled all over Asia, checked off items on my bucket list, searched and dabbled in business, or worked to be an entrepreneur. I sought adventures and projects to enrich my life, so my tombstone could say: Here lies Emily Kay Tan, who lived life fully.

But the hurry mentality momentarily ceased when my hustle and bustle came to a screeching halt from a global economic crisis in 2008 and a global pandemic in 2020. The crises put my life on pause and allowed me time to reexamine how I lived life. 

Unexpectedly, I saw the slow people walking. They once irritated me because I thought they were wasting life away or being unproductive citizens. They must have gotten less done and accomplished less in life. What value did they add to the world? I made them wrong. I made them second-class humans, but they are not.

As I hurry and walk past them, I catch myself and slow down my stride. I remind myself to be more like them. With their slower pace, they enjoy their walk, notice what is around them, and appreciate life's many wonders. I want more of that, so I slow down and stop to smell the roses.

I run into the slow people elsewhere, too. They remind me to aim for quality rather than quantity. I tend to hurry to get more done and accomplish more to say that I am productive, but does doing more and getting more done necessarily make me a better or happier person? No. And so I slow down and walk with the slow people.

Together, we can become better and happier people who notice and appreciate the beauty before us. As we continue walking together, the surroundings we see and our connection in companionship can only add to our happiness. While the fast people can teach you to go for what you want to do or get done what you wish, the slow people can guide you towards the beauty all around, people, things, and nature, giving you satisfaction and appreciation for life. Be slow, be fast, intertwine them, and live a fulfilled life.

Key Takeaways: Though I hid in my shell most of my life, I learned to come out of it without fear and enjoy connecting with others. 

Though I detested people who moved slowly, I changed my view of them and realized that it is also good to be slow and stop to appreciate moments in the present.

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called Chemistry or No Chemistry and Roommates from Hell.  If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!