The Choices We Make (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about The Choices We Make  and Two Kinds of Gratitude . 

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Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:06 The Choices We Make
• 10:15 Two Kinds of Gratitude
• 15:29 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #123 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about The Choices We Make and Two Kinds of Gratitude.

The Choices We Make
J. K. Rowling said, “It is our choices that show what we really are, far more than our abilities.” What are some choices I made, and what do they say about me? To do some self-analysis can be frightening, especially if it reveals something terrible about ourselves. Do we want to know? On the other hand, could it be uplifting or empowering? Dare I venture to find out?

I chose to leave my utopian college on the East Coast to move to the West Coast because my long-distance boyfriend incessantly persisted for two years. Finally, at age nineteen, I moved during my junior year of college. 

What does that say about me? The answer is simple. I am a hopeless romantic, and I was madly in love with my boyfriend, my soulmate, and my best friend all rolled up into one. However, when I let others know why I moved West, many were shocked to learn that I would do such a thing; they couldn’t believe I did it and said it wasn’t like me. My inner voice said: You don’t know the other side of me. Others say I am always full of surprises. What do such comments suggest? This character has more sides, and many don’t see some sides of me. But I giggle that I can continue to shock people. Others find me mysterious and want to learn more about me. I am glad I am not a dull person; I hate being bored, too.

I chose to turn down four marriage proposals. 

What does that say about me? My friends said I was too picky and more than fortunate to have five proposals in my lifetime. I thought myself unlucky because I didn’t think they were my Mr. Right or “The One.” Maybe I was too picky, but I do not regret rejecting those proposals. What did my choices say about me? Besides being choosy or idealistic, there is the possibility that I didn’t think myself worthy of anyone. Perhaps I was haunted by my past. Mom sent me away at five, and the abandonment issues were real. What if they leave me? I left them before they could leave me because I refused to allow anyone to abandon me again. Since Mom sent me away, I decided I was not worthy of keeping, so I had to show Mom and the world that I didn’t need them and fought to be independent. I reckon I would lose my independence if I married and my freedom was too important.

I decided to get a divorce. I did marry one person from the five proposals. I initiated the divorce. 

What does that say about me? Some of my friends thought it was because I was too independent. My other friends thought he was never good enough for me and that he didn’t know how to appreciate me. I believe both groups were correct. I am independent; sometimes, men need to feel wanted, and I won’t give them that satisfaction. After all, my motto is that I need no one. How did my ex not appreciate me? I did all the cooking, cleaning, and management of bills and money. He still wanted me to help him mow the lawn, wash the cars, and water the fruit trees, his chores. I did many things on my own and didn’t need much attention from him, but he demanded one hundred percent of my attention and company when I was home. 

He strangled and suffocated me because he didn’t allow me to have any space. Our marriage was in a minefield, and each step I took could have his temper explode in my face for two grueling hours of screaming at me when anything was not to his liking. After seven long years, I divorced him. 

What does it say about me? I found the courage to stand up for myself. I refused to continue to be subjected to emotional abuse and his controlling ways. I will no longer tolerate it. I stood up to respect myself and not allow him to continue disrespecting me. What does my divorce say about me? I chose freedom and happiness over abuse and control.

I decided to quit my successful and secure career and dive into a network marketing business. Are you crazy? You are taking too big of a risk. You already have a safe and successful career; why would you give up a good thing? That was what many said to me. Yes, I was crazy. Yes, I knew I was taking a huge risk. And I needed to do it for myself. I hated wondering and not knowing. That was what led me to quit my safe and successful job. I did not want to sit in my rocking chair and look back at my life and say to myself, “I wish I did it, or I wish I tried it, and then it was too late.” No, no, no! I did not want regrets in wishing I did something and regretted not doing it. 

What does it say about me? I want to live a fulfilling life. The business enticed me and had me dream of becoming a millionaire. I wanted it badly and was determined to make it happen. I am a dreamer who wants to make my dreams come true. Goal-oriented, I focused tirelessly and tenaciously. I kept at it until the company closed during the global economic crisis. I didn’t become a millionaire, but I refused to give up. Quitting was not acceptable; failure was not an option in my universe.

I chose to move abroad and leave everything behind me. The business I had was over. I was out of income. I lost my business, house, boyfriend, and bank account. My livelihood, my relationship, and my money were all lost. I moved abroad for a new start. 

What does that say about me? I was not going to wallow in self-pity. I had to act fast to solve my problem. I knew I would be the one to save me, so there was no time to waste and begin creating a possibility. Moving abroad for the first time says I was brave. It says I was willing to take a chance and start from scratch. It says I am adventurous, open to new experiences, and ready to explore the unknown. Like getting sucked into a black hole, I didn’t know what I was getting into, but I jumped in anyway.

As suggested in what J. K. Rowling said, the choices we make show what kind of person we are. Flying across the country for love showed that I was a romantic. Turning down marriage proposals showed the little girl in me who was afraid of abandonment. The little girl in me also thought I was unworthy of love from anyone and would fight to show she didn’t need anybody. Initiating a divorce demonstrated my courage to stand up for my right to be free and happy. Quitting my career to jump into a business I knew nothing about revealed bravery and determination. I dared. I dared to dream and do what I could to make my dreams come true.

Asking myself what my choices say about me was at first a bit scary. Fear didn’t stop me. After responding to the question, I realized it was not bad! My choices showed that I am a daring, courageous, determined, romantic. I dream of the ideals. I stand tall and refuse defeat, for every time I fall, I get back up. I make choices, and my choices make me who I am.

Two Kinds of Gratitude
Making a gratitude list daily is said to help you stop and notice the positive things in your life, which can bring you more joy. I have practiced it many times in spurts of time and found it to help me appreciate many things and find value in life, but there is another kind of gratitude that I believe is equally important but may have gone unnoticed by many. Having realized another kind of gratitude, I find more contentment and peace.

I first began with a daily ten gratitude or positive list when I took The Millionaire Mind seminar. Discovering that the wealthy mindset differed from average to poor people's thinking was eye-opening. It was exciting to know that I could change my poor mindset to a wealthy one. It all started with writing ten positive things daily. Keeping in mind that the wealthy see a glass half full, and a poor person sees a cup half empty, I proceeded to find positive things in my life and shift from limited to unlimited ideas.

My ten positives today:

1.     I am grateful to have a job that challenges me and allows me to use the foreign language I love to learn.

2.     I am grateful to have the side hustle of writing and podcasting, which has become my passion.

3.     I am grateful to be able to walk up and down stairs and move from place to place with my two feet.

4.     I am thankful my co-worker bought me a drink and brightened my day.

5.     I am thankful that another co-worker helped me find directions.

6.     I am thankful that someone asked me out to lunch.

7.     I enjoyed taking a shower and cleansing myself.

8.     I enjoyed the peace and quiet while sitting in my apartment.

9.     I appreciate the time I spent with a friend on the phone.

10.  I appreciate looking out my window and seeing the clouds and trees.

Finding ten positives or ten things to be grateful for each day is easy when it becomes a habit and is done daily for at least a month (in my experience). 

Finding ten things to be grateful about yourself is another matter. Too often, we look outside ourselves for something to be thankful for, and that is okay, but we also need to address another kind of gratitude. Another kind of gratitude is the one where you look inside yourself and appreciate the qualities in your character. Acknowledge them, be proud of them, and celebrate your characteristics. 

As I examine this other kind of gratitude, I have another daily ten:

1.      I am grateful for my confidence to ask others for help today.

2.      Many ask me for help to solve one problem or another, and I am grateful to have the creativity to help them solve their problems.

3.      As I search for solutions daily in my job, I am grateful that I am determined to keep pressing on until I find a solution. 

4.      The challenges I face help me to become more resourceful.

5.      I am grateful I am organized to finish the job with many tasks to do and nearly sixty subordinates I need to keep records of.

6.      Someone asked me to do something, and I dared to say no; I am glad for my courage to say no.

7.      I am grateful that I still have the stamina and physical ability to work and make a living.

8.      I am grateful for my time management skills; I can work a full-time job and still come home to write stories and do a podcast weekly.

9.      I am grateful that I use and choose my power to do what I want whenever I wish. 

10.   I am thankful that I look for possibilities and refuse to accept anything as impossible.

While others may remind us to be grateful for what we have or what others do for us, we need to remind ourselves to be thankful for ourselves. Be grateful for the qualities that help you face challenges. Appreciate the characteristics that help you achieve or accomplish many things. Acknowledge the many strengths and features that make you unique. They are all too important to ignore or dismiss. So, begin the gratitude lists that come from within and those that are from others.

Key Takeaways: Though I made risky choices, I have no regrets; they say I am strong and courageous.

Though we should be grateful for everything we have and the people in our lives, we must not forget to be grateful for ourselves, our worthiness, and our character traits.

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called It Doesn’t Pay to be Strong and Broken Habit. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!