How It All Ended (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode, you will hear about How it All Ended and What Will They Find Out About You.

Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:08 How It All Ended
• 9:23 What They Will Find Out About You
• 14:38 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #122 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about How it All Ended and What They Will Find Out About You.

How it all Ended
The last time I saw Keith was when he came to my house and insisted on coming over to make sure I was okay. This meeting happened a few years after I got a divorce. Keith was my first boyfriend many years ago, but the friendship and chemistry were infinitely strong. We went to dinner near my home and then returned to my house. He wanted to kiss me, and I told him I already had a new boyfriend, and at that time, I told him I thought I loved my new boyfriend more, so I couldn’t do it. I remembered my last words to him in person. I didn’t think he loved me anymore since he let me move on to marry someone else. I didn’t think he cared if I had a boyfriend now because he figured he was my greatest love. Deep in my heart, he was the one, so I was surprised by what I last said to him. I was honest, but I might have broken his heart; I never saw him again. You never know when it could be the last time you see someone. You never know what the last memory or lasting memories you will have about that last meeting. All we can do is be more mindful of each moment with another person.

Devin, the boyfriend I thought I came to love more than Keith, devastated me. I clearly remember the last two times I saw him. When he revealed that he had cheated on me and gotten a woman pregnant, that was the day it was the end of us. We were in his car in a parking lot when I called him a coward for not telling me what was troubling him. But because I said it, he finally told me he had cheated on me. I gave him a chance for some last words by asking if he had anything else to say to me, but he had none. His head stayed down like a coward. I hate cowards. I got out of the car and walked ten minutes to get home. He didn’t come after me. I got home, got upstairs to my bedroom bathroom, and knelt in a fetal position on the carpet. No tears came out, and no sound came out of my mouth. However, I could hear my heart beating loudly and felt light-headed. I had never knelt in a fetal position before. I see the image of me in a fetal position facing down on the carpet. I see Devin sitting in the car with his head down. These two images are the lasting pictures of my devastation. 

Soon after that scene, I decided I had to have closure to make the nightmare end as quickly as possible. I called Devin, who was suddenly too busy to talk to me each time I called. Finally, I said I had some things that belonged to him and wanted him to pick them up. He walked in by my door entrance, talking with the phone in his ear. I handed him a paper bag of things he had given me before; I didn’t want any reminder of him. He stayed on the phone, took the bag, never looked me straight in the eye, and left. That was the last time I saw Devin. I vowed never to tolerate having a gutless coward of a boyfriend again. 

Evan, one of my best friends from college, gave me many happy memories, but the last time I saw him, it was not a happy ending. We kept in touch occasionally over decades, but each time we got together, it was as if no time had escaped us, and we would chat up a storm. It was a lot of fun being with him. The last time I saw Evan was when I visited him in Hong Kong. He had invited me, and I accepted his invitation. I always considered him a great friend, and he always wanted more.

On the second to last day, Evan and I went to a party before I left. There was food, karaoke singing, and mahjong playing going on. I was singing karaoke, and Evan picked up the microphone to sing with me. I was thrilled and thought it romantic if only I had those feelings for him, but I didn’t. Next, I played mahjong and enjoyed that, too. Time flew by, and soon, it would be midnight. I told Evan I had to go because the public transit would close at midnight. He asked if anyone else wanted to leave and found two ladies who would direct me to the subway station and go with me. In the several decades I had known Evan, he had never treated me so thoughtlessly and heartlessly. He previously asked me to marry him four times. I was in disbelief, shocked, and baffled. That was the last time I saw Evan. I reminded myself that no matter how much you think you know someone, you don’t. Evan left me with a question mark. Of course, I wanted to know what had happened, but he didn’t answer my calls. It was as if I had entered a black hole where I could not see anything and was clueless about how the beautiful friendship had ended. 

Kelly was my best friend for a year, and then we were hardly friends anymore. We were language exchange partners and met for breakfast or lunch every week. The get-togethers ended when I moved abroad. We occasionally talked over the phone because it was difficult to agree on a time with our 12-hour time difference. Then, I went back to America. I called her up, and we went out for lunch a bunch of times. The last time I saw her was when we went out to lunch. It was like any other day, nothing special, or there was nothing unusual in our conversation or outing. We knew it was the last in our city because I was moving to another city hours away. But I didn’t think it would be my last time seeing her. 

I thought we could still be friends and visit each other or talk over the phone, but it wasn’t to be. I called her, and she told me to call someone in the same city as me. I had just moved and had no new friends yet, and that was what she said to me. That was the last time we talked to each other. I was hurt and sad to lose a friend who was once one of my best friends. We had so many conversations together, and now there was only silence between us. I didn’t know what was going on with her anymore. Like Evan, Kelly and I were such good friends, and it ended with me feeling baffled. I don’t think the end of our friendship has much to do with me. Something was happening in their lives, and they were not ready to discuss it with me. It makes me sad to think we were such good friends, and now they didn’t feel like they could talk about it with me. 

My friendships with Evan and Kelly were beautiful, but I chalk it up to the idea that friendships have an expiration date, and I accept that nothing is forever. So, I once more remind myself to enjoy precious moments with friends.

The last time I saw the two boyfriends I loved the most, both ended badly. The images of those last interactions still rile up a sensation that is not good. But I choose to smile for all the good times we did have. They are forever ingrained in my memory bank. Once more, treasure special connections.

What They Will Find Out About You
It seems to float in and out of my imagination. Because it has happened more than several times, I fear that it is a premonition. I secretly pray that it is not. I have stopped caring much about what others think of me as I am alive, but I wonder what people will think of me when I am dead! What will they say in my eulogy? Stop! I don’t want to wonder what people will say or think of me. I want to leave my life story to be discovered and understood from my perspective. Wouldn’t you want the same?

Someone walks into my apartment; it’s an unknown figure, but it is a woman with hair down to her shoulders. Could it be me or someone else? She takes a quick look around and gets the impression that the tenant is a neat and organized person because everything seems to have a place where it belongs. After a glance, she notices trinkets or key chains hanging on her Ikea storage units, and there are two dozen of them. It doesn’t look like a lot, as I scattered them on only some storage unit knobs. Upon closer inspection, she sees that they are primarily souvenirs. She concludes that the tenant is someone who likes to travel.

On the couch are two adorable stuffed animals, Brown Bear and Cony, from the LINE Friends group. A Papa Bear, Momma Bear, cute Boy Bear, and tiny Girl Bear are on the bed. One dresser top has two stuffed animal mice hugging each other. The tenant must have a soft spot in her heart; she must be a sentimental person.

The unknown lady walks around some more and sees many books in a foreign language and books about learning a foreign language. She could only conclude that the tenant is passionate about a foreign language. Next, she sees everything neatly positioned when opening the cupboards, closets, bureaus, and storage units. She is clear that the tenant is a highly organized person. 

I don’t know why I see, in my imagination, this unknown lady looking around in my apartment. I can only guess that I died, and someone had to come in snooping, but where is my body? Who moved me out? How did I die? I am a very private person, and it horrifies me that someone would come to look at my apartment without my permission. Maybe I see the scene because the invasion of my privacy terrifies me. I have nothing bad to hide, but what am I afraid people will find?

My imagination of someone looking in revealed that I am neat and organized. It showed my passion for a foreign language. It showed my soft spot with a family of teddy bears and a sentimental heart with the hugging stuffed animal mice. There is nothing wrong and everything right about those observations. But my imagination of the scene scares me; I must do something about it. I am doing something about it. 

I alleviate the fear and comfort myself by displaying my six published books. Later, I will write and publish more. My books reveal my moments of adversity, encounters, and perspectives. They let you know how I overcame many hardships, learned from unique encounters, and created different perceptions that helped me meet challenges and greet the beauty in life. One book shows how my passion for a foreign language is sprinkled throughout many aspects of my life. Together, all the books show who I am; my inner voice speaking in print reveals what I have concealed for far too long.

I replace the frightening scenario of someone looking into my apartment with smiles of contentment at the display of my books that show the real me. You will discover me, understand me, and fall in love with me. Though I jumped on many rollercoaster rides going up and down, when you read about me, you will be next to me, rooting for me because you know how it feels to be betrayed, loved, hurt, heartbroken and devastated. You know success and failure. You lived and took paths that made you who you are. Whether it is good or bad, it doesn’t matter. What matters is knowing you lived and learned.

Key Takeaways: Though some relationships and friendships ended badly, I have beautiful memories of them when they were good. 

Though I will one day die and people will go through my things, I will leave my voice to continue to be heard through my books and podcasts.

Next week, you will hear about two new real-life stories called The Choices We Make and Two Kinds of Gratitude. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!