Sighting of an Ex-Boyfriend (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about  Sighting of an Ex-Boyfriend and Simplify and Multiply Time.

Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:05 Sighting of an Ex-Boyfriend
• 6:07 Simplify and Multiply Time
• 14:59 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #118 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Sighting of an Ex-Boyfriend and Simplify and Multiply Time.

Sighting of an Ex-boyfriend
It had been years since I had a date, but one day, I did. Preparing took a few hours because I couldn’t decide what to wear. Finally, I decided on a top with bold colors of fushia and blue. It looked good against my fair skin. The flowy sleeves and flare of the rest of the top made me feel a little like a princess. I was ready for my date.

Soon after arriving at a restaurant, Kent and I quickly ordered dinner and started chatting. Before I could know more about the man in front of me, I spotted Devin in the distance. He was six tables away from me. I hadn’t seen him in twelve years but knew it was him. His soft, bushy hair had some grays, and his eyes drooped from tiredness or age. He aged faster than me or looked older because he was five years older than me. He was sitting there with another woman. Her back faced me, but I knew the woman. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me with this woman. How could I forget? I was devastated and moved abroad to start a new life. Now I was back in town and had just met a new man. Things were looking up until I saw Devin.

My face got warmer and warmer. I was uncomfortably hot and felt like I couldn’t breathe properly. Soon, my eyes watered, and I tried hard to control them from sliding down my face. But I couldn’t. I could feel myself about to burst into tears. I told Kent I needed to go home. Kent complied, and we swiftly left the restaurant. Devin didn’t see me. Kent didn’t know what happened but helped me leave before our food order arrived.

As soon as we got into the car, I sobbed uncontrollably. My tears wouldn’t stop falling from my eyes. My head was even hotter than before. Kent took my hand and held it with his other hand. He didn’t say a word, and I was glad he gave me quiet support.

After I calmed down, Kent still held my hand with his two hands. He looked at me lovingly. I looked back and laughed. “You must think I am a crazy girl,” I said. He only smiled and said, “What’s the matter?”  “I saw my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me twelve years ago.” Kent then picked up some take-out food and drove us to a beautiful place by a river. We sat there for hours, chatting away and enjoying the serene beauty in front of us. Starved after sobbing, I devoured the food Kent bought, and he chuckled while watching me eat it all up.

In another instance, a few months after the sighting of my ex-boyfriend at the restaurant, I saw Devin again. This time, it was far worse. I was at the supermarket when I ran into him and his wife. She stole him from me, or he allowed her to steal him. I was in the cereal aisle, and there they were, standing in front of me to say hi. I was speechless; no words came out of my mouth. Then I said, “I don’t know you.”  And I moved my cart to the next aisle. I didn’t look back and didn’t want to go back in time to remember the disaster.

Seeing Devin at the restaurant and supermarket was all in my imagination. I wondered how I would behave if I ever saw him again. Perhaps my worries and fears got to me, and those were the scenarios I envisioned. They never happened.

Moving back abroad, my worries and fears about seeing Devin disappear. However, I remember that many fears are self-created in the head and that they are usually not like the reality that we live in. I learned that when I went skydiving. The reality I experienced was an enlightening and euphoric experience, which was far different from what I imagined. I remind myself: Don’t worry about something that didn’t happen; stop making up stories and being haunted by past relationships. Live in the present, live in the moment, and enjoy now!

Simplify and Multiply Time
I never imagined that I would move abroad to live and work, but it happened. I went out of business, and my boyfriend and I broke up. I needed a fresh start, so I packed my bags for the big move. Making this move led me to accidentally simplify my life and multiply my time. And so I was able to do the many things I had wanted to do only in my dreams. In a matter of weeks, I went from a complicated and distressing life to a carefree and worry-free life.

How can you have more free time to do what you want when we all have the same twenty-four hours daily? Without looking for it, the answer appeared before me as I transitioned from one country to another. 

Because I felt I had to fit my entire life into two suitcases and one carry-on piece of luggage, so I would not get an extra charge from the airlines, I had to sell, donate, or store the bulk of my belongings. These actions caused me to have fewer possessions. The results were unimaginable and unexpected.

With only a few suitcases, I arrived on foreign soil. Unpacking was extremely quick because I had so little! It gave me time to step out to explore my new neighborhood on my first day! 

After a couple of days of exploration, I wanted to give my new home a good scrub down, but I discovered that it did not take very long because I no longer had a big house to clean like I previously did. That gave me even more time to wander about. In only a few days, I unloaded the weight of my possessions on me, and all the pain from my breakup escaped me. The image of a flying bird that constantly resided in my mind came out to make me feel like I was flying in the sky. Floating with joy, I was engrossed in my new environment.

I soon started work as I secured a job before arrival. I learned that I was to wear a uniform shirt to work daily. This daily routine would inadvertently create more free time for me because getting ready for work would take only fifteen minutes. Back home, it always took me an hour or more. I had spent at least half the time deciding or trying to choose what to wear. I eliminated that time altogether because I had to wear my uniform shirt. Now, there was no time needed to figure out what to wear!

Living only a few minutes away from the outdoor street market full of eateries and shopping for all my basic needs, much time was freed up. I spent little time on errands or shopping for basic needs because everything I needed was within a ten-minute walking radius. Buying ready-made meals was convenient and cheaper than grocery shopping and cooking at home. No shopping for food to cook saved me a big chunk of time. Time spent shopping, cooking, and washing dishes and pans would take up a sizable amount of time daily, and I didn't need to do that in my new world! The result was more time to have fun and do what I enjoyed on the weekends instead of chores, errands, shopping, and cooking!

My commute to work was but a few minutes walk. With a short commute and no traffic to plow through, I found that even though I worked a lot, I had more time to relax because I practically had no commute!

Living on one of my employer's properties, electricity, internet, and rent were deducted from my paycheck. I didn't need to think or remember about paying those bills. It removed a stressor in my head and gave me more minutes in a day to do other things. Feeling like I had no bills to pay because I didn't need to keep track of them or a few were on automatic, I enjoyed my carefree life more.

You'd think I would have more time on my hands with practically no bills to track and pay, no commute, little food shopping, cooking, cleaning, and a few chores and errands. And you are right. I had more time, so I played more and had fun like never before.

You might say that because of where I lived or my job, I could simplify my life and multiply my time. You might want to know where I enjoyed such a carefree life or what kind of job I had. But you are right; I enjoyed and basked in it for years. However, moving forward with new chapters in life to create, I relocated.

Though I no longer live in the same place, the experience has made me much more mindful of how I use my time. It is a most precious commodity. You cannot get it back once it passes. Once it is used, it is gone forever. It waits for no one and will keep moving forward no matter what.

Digesting the importance of time and how we use it, I have made changes or considered certain things to ensure a simplified life with more time spent on the things I enjoy so I may live a more fulfilled life.

What have I done to gain more time in the twenty-four hours we share? What is in our control?

1.     Minimize the commute between work and home. Choose a home near work, work remotely, or have a business working from home.

2.     Put all the bills on automation and check them every so often.

3.     Live near supermarkets or stores that you need for your basic needs OR buy in bulk so you have fewer trips to the market.

4.     Reduce cooking time by cooking more at once, or get package deals with ready-made food.

5.     Choose what to wear for the week and pull them out so that you waste no more time choosing what to wear before work. And if you have a job requiring a uniform, you don't need to do this!

6.     Reduce your wardrobe selection. Keep clothes that are classic or those that can be mixed and matched. Keep those you usually wear and donate those you haven't worn for years. These actions could reduce the time spent trying to choose what to wear. It gives you fewer things to maintain, and you will have more space in your home.

7.     Keep only those things you use often and those you feel you must keep. By having fewer possessions, you have fewer things to maintain and clean. This action will reduce your time in chores as fewer belongings also beg you to have a smaller home filled with more usable space rather than wasted space.

8.     Go to the bank only once a month to withdraw a set amount of cash to control spending. Reduce waste and increase your free time.

All that I said, I have done and continue to find ways to reduce or reuse belongings. It is your choice if you haven't or won't do at least some of it. If you have other ideas to increase the time to do what you want, do it! Whether you will or won't, what is important to remember is why you would like to do it. 

Though I had accidentally simplified my life and multiplied my time to have more free time, I now consciously try to maintain it. That is because the joy of doing all my hobbies is too much fun for me not to leave space or time for it.

Though I am a full-time employee (to pay the bills), I have time to enjoy writing and publishing, on average, two books a year and podcasting my voice weekly. I also get to do my other hobbies, like language learning, hiking, chatting up a storm, and calligraphy. It is possible because I practice simplifying my life and multiplying my time. Try it and give yourself more freedom to do what you wish and enjoy more free time!

Key Takeaways: Though I imagined scenarios of seeing my ex-boyfriend, I was reminded that many fears are in the mind and not a reality.

Though I carried fewer possessions when I moved abroad, I learned that I didn’t need them all and practicing minimalism simplified my life and multiplied the free time I had.

Next week, you will hear about two new real-life stories called How I Got This Way and What the Written Words Say. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!