What If (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about What If and An Unforgettable Movie.

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Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #113 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about What If and An Unforgettable Movie.

What If
What if my three-month language partner and I met after we got to know each other pretty well over the phone? By the time I boarded the plane to move abroad (not for him), I was already falling for him. If we met, would we fall madly in love and live happily ever after? I thought we might, but I will never know because he never asked to meet. I traveled far and moved to his country, yet he didn’t ask to get together. I called to give him the opportunity, but he never expressed any interest. I am still baffled because we were like best friends on the phone.

What if I married my soul mate? He understands me more than anyone in the world. He was always there to comfort me when I needed emotional support. I loved him more than anybody in the world. Why did I have one excuse after another to delay or not marry him? I don’t have all the answers. A part of me didn’t trust him because he always thought the grass was greener on the other side. He never married someone else, or he never found the greener fields. I wonder if he had any regrets for not marrying me.

What if I made millions when I was in business? The potential in the financial industry was there. Would my fame and fortune change me into someone I did not know or like? Would I be selfish or charitable to others? Who would be my friends? Would I change my lifestyle or way of spending money? I will never know because I never made the millions I dreamed of.

What if I became a child psychologist? Would I learn to solve all those hidden traumatic childhood experiences and free myself from those debilitating thoughts that recur? Can I help children with severe problems when I did not resolve all my issues? I wonder and will never know because I did not pursue that degree I wanted to earn for lack of money.

I never became a child psychologist. I never earned the millions I wanted to as an entrepreneur in the financial world. I never married the man I loved the most, and I never met the man who gave me the tingles like my soul mate and best friend did. What if I became a psychologist or a millionaire? What if I married one of the two men I knew who understood me more than anyone? I will never know; I will never have the answers because I never did any of them. I can only speculate or guess. The only way I would resolve the mysteries is if I did something to make them happen. But my attempts failed!

How can I limit those pesky what-ifs that boggle or disturb the mind? Shifting my perspective from what if I did something to what if I never did something could give some new insight or food for thought. When I ask myself what if I did do something that I didn’t do, it implies that I did not do something. What if I never did something I already did? It suggests I did it, so the answer is no mystery. All these what-ifs have my head spinning. I need clarity. Perhaps I can find it through pondering about some things I did and asking myself, what if I never did it or if it never happened?

What if Mom never sent me to live with my grandma at five? What if I never got the money to go to college at seventeen? What if I never went to that island nation when I was eighteen? What if I never moved out West? What if I never saw a child used as a broom to sweep the floor? What if I never took the Landmark Forum? What if I never married Anson? What if I never got a divorce? What if I never joined the network marketing business? What if that man did not hire me to work abroad? 

These ten what-ifs came quickly as my fingers made the words appear before me. What if this or that never happened? I had the answers, or I assumed I knew the answers because I knew I would get particular results if I didn’t do it. What about things that just happened? I predicted the outcomes of those because they happened.

If Mom had never sent me away, I would not have learned the language and culture of my ancestors and would not have enjoyed my first passion of learning the language. I would have never gained the habit of saving money and organizing things I learned from my dear grandmother. My siblings who lived with Mom did not experience what I did, so it was clear that I got something different from them.

If I never got the money I needed for college, I would have ended up with blue-collar work or a job to pay the bills. I believed this and ensured it didn’t happen by getting a college degree and a meaningful career.

If I never participated in a language and culture program abroad at the age of eighteen, I may have never done all the future things I did related to it. From work to vacations, from hobbies to using the skills learned from them, I practiced the language in many parts of my life. It became a passion that sprinkled into many things I did.

I would still be on the East Coast if I had never moved out west. There is nothing wrong with living on the East Coast, but it would be predictable that I would still have the same old friends from junior high. There was nothing wrong with that either, but they never took risks and ventured out to explore the world or try new things. The Sagittarian in me craved adventure and jumping out of my comfort zone. My hunger for the unknown was satisfied when I moved West. Had I stayed in my hometown, I was sure I would not have led such an exciting life.

What if I never saw a child used like a broom? I might have never become a teacher! I didn’t have plans or interest in becoming a teacher. But that scene definitively drove me to take action to become a teacher. It spoke to the little girl in me who said I wanted my relatives to treat me better. I was emotionally abused. So, I wanted to give others what I didn’t have. Strongly motivated, I became a teacher, and it satisfied the need to have children treated with love and care.

What if I never took the Landmark Forum (a personal development course)? I am clear that I would have lived a miserable existence with a bit of joy in between. I would have stayed in my shell and not gained the confidence for full self-expression and leadership. Most importantly, I would have never found my power and happiness. How am I so sure of all this? The first time I felt happy for no reason was when I took the Landmark Forum. It was the first time I learned that happiness came from within rather than from people or places around me. It was also the first time I realized that the power of choice was within my hands. This power gave me the freedom to direct my life as I wished. The Landmark Forum helped me move from the darkness to the light. That one event changed the course of my entire life. It is too scary to think what life would have been like had I not taken the course. It wasn’t simply the knowledge gained but the experience that could not be gotten anywhere else.

I wouldn’t have endured such emotional abuse if I had never married Anson. I wouldn’t secure the valuable gift of freedom I enjoy today if I didn’t divorce him.

Had I not joined a network marketing business, I wouldn’t have had the chance to meet the hundreds of people I met, and I wouldn’t have jumped out of my comfort zone hundreds of times, too. Besides the thrills I experienced, I struggled and failed to become a millionaire. Worse, I went bankrupt and lost my house. However, having hit rock bottom, I got the idea of moving abroad to escape all my misery. I never imagined that the move would lead me to paradise. Had I not been hired to work overseas, I might have never gotten there to enjoy one of the most blissful times of my life.

Having done something or if something had just happened, I saw the results and got what I would have missed if it hadn’t happened. On the other hand, I could not so easily have the answers to things I never did because they didn’t happen. Speculations don’t produce results, but taking action does. I must make decisions and take action to eliminate wondering and find the answers. More questions than answers will result if fear or other obstacles arise and are allowed to block the road. If you want to wonder less and know more, step forward with courage and just do it!

An Unforgettable Movie
Racing to catch a bus she missed jumping onto, she got on with the help of a handsome man. The bus driver didn’t stop, so the man dropped some bags off the top of the bus where the luggage was stored and made the driver stop the bus. As the man picked up duffle bags of belongings, it gave the lady time to catch up, and she boarded the top of the bus with the handsome man. That was how the lady and the attractive man met. Though she tried to resist his advances, they soon fell in love. However, she had an old high school boyfriend who was still in love with her. He noticed the attraction between the two and sensed the pull toward each other. Soon, the two men engaged in a brawl. They fought and fell to the ground, still fighting. The old high school boyfriend looked like he was losing in the fistfight, but he said something to make the handsome man stop fighting, never to return. This foreign film I watched many years ago remains an unforgettable movie I saw.  

With the disappearance of the handsome man, the lady eventually married her high school boyfriend, who loved her dearly. They remained married until he became ill about thirty years later. Before dying, he revealed a lie he had told many years ago. He was full of guilt and needed to say it aloud, but he said he did not regret what he did. He professed his undying love for the woman, his wife. She forgave him as they had shared a good life together.

That old high school boyfriend lied to get his way. In the physical fight with the handsome man, he lied and said the lady was pregnant with his child. That was what he said that sent the attractive man away. Because he believed the lie, he left. And because the liar said what he did, he got the lady he wanted. The lady never knew until her husband revealed it on his deathbed. Soon after her husband died, the lady saw that handsome man she met so long ago. They stared at each other without saying a word. It left me wondering if they would get back together or part ways again. It left me feeling uneasy, and unclear thoughts lingered with me. I wanted a definitive answer!

After the silent stares, the ending shows how the lady ran after the bus but never caught up. If that were the scenario, to begin with, she would have never met the handsome man and had an unforgettable love. 

Perhaps I remember this movie because it left me hanging and wondering. I already knew what life was like for the lady had she never met the handsome man. It was played out in the movie. How her life would have played out had she ended up with that alluring man was unseen. It is left to the imagination. Because it wasn’t a reality, I was left with: What if? 

Too often, one decision or action sets a person’s life in one direction, and had it been another choice, the result would have been different. Only a moment could change everything. The unknown part could only live in speculation or imagination.

My life would be different if I were never sent to live with Grandma at age five. If I never moved to the West Coast for the love of my life, my life would have gone in a different direction. I guess my life would be predictable if I never went into business. If I didn’t fail in business financially, I assert my life would have been unimaginable. What if things did not turn out the way they did? Sometimes, knowing that one happenstance, one turn, one sentence, or one decision could set future actions in motion or the direction of your life can be frightening. But not knowing is the wonder, the mystery, and the spice of life!

Key Takeaways: Though you may wonder about all the what ifs you didn’t do, you don’t wonder about all the things you already did and what if you didn’t do them because you did them already. 

Though a movie I saw remains to give me an uneasy feeling, it reminds me of the power of what if and how not knowing can gnaw at you or give you food for thought.

Next week, you will hear about two new real-life stories called How to Solve Problems in the Mind and From Refusing to Asking for Help. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!