The People I Carry (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about The People I Carry  and  Ordinary yet Extraordinary.

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Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #112 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about The People I Carry and Ordinary yet Extraordinary.

The People I Carry
I am a cartoon figure looking like an old hag, with devils on my back and other devils on top of each other. Shame on me for carrying them all. And then there are those angels floating nearby with smiles wishing me well. There seem to be more devils than angels. That is the picture I see in my imagination. Who are those devils? Please help me make them disappear. Who are the angels? Could you help me keep them nearby and find more?

My head is heated up like an oven and tense because I am angry at my boss. I feel like there is a bomb inside of me, and it could explode at any moment. After listening to a friend complain for several hours, I can feel the strain at the sides of my head above my ears. I repeatedly asked her to stop, and I could not turn our conversation around. I go home and need to lay on my bed with relaxing piano music to alleviate the pressures against my head and cool down the temperature of the bomb inside of me. Laying there was my way of getting the devils off my back. I lay on them, squish them flat, and they slide away as my tension and strain subside.

That co-worker who nearly sabotaged all my efforts, I want to throw dynamite and blast her. That is the devil in me. Those people who are jealous of me and talk behind my back, I wish a tsunami would bring them out to sea, never to return. That is another devil in me. Those people who kiss up to the boss disgust me. I wish their manipulative and childish behavior would send them to a dungeon without escape. I have many red devils in me, looking to see how I could harpoon and inflict pain on those who have made me suffer. The devils in me cause me misery, and I want them to vanish. Sometimes, I will color, do calligraphy, or write stories to send them to a faraway land where devils meet and have fun sharing their demonic activities.

By sending some demons away, I now have space to see the angels floating around me. The saving habit I have that keeps me afloat came from Grandma Sandy. She is my angel who is in heaven. When I feel worthless and unappreciated, Grandma Betsy looks down on me and reminds me that I matter and not to let anyone take away my importance. Both my grandmothers are in heaven, but they smile, looking down at me because they are proud of me and know I still need their love and care.

“Thanks for the pep talk,” someone said. “Oh, Emily, come back to us, help us. You make such a difference for us,” two others said. I feel satisfaction when I can help others improve their situations or get them out of a jam. The fulfillment reminds me to be more like Selina and Amy. They are two of the most giving and generous people I know. They are the angels around me who remind me to give more and have a kinder heart. I call them my angels of compassion.

Knowing that I carry devils and angels wherever I go, I need to be mindful of their existence because they affect how I behave and what I do. I can choose which to carry. I prefer the ones that will help me. Though the bad ones will appear, I work to disappear them by doing what I enjoy and caring for myself. I also rid them by having more angels or more suitable people surrounding me. No matter who you carry with you, notice who is on your back weighing you down and look at who is circling you to give you comfort and joy. 

Ordinary yet Extraordinary
I say I am ordinary. Many say I am special. Sometimes, I agreed, but not in a good way. Most of the time, I considered myself different and an outsider. It took decades for me to realize that I was ordinary yet extraordinary. The good news is that everyone is in their own way, and we must discover how so we can appreciate ourselves.

I am ordinary because I have the same body parts as any human. I experience happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, and other emotions like anyone else. Like many, I went to school and then got a job when I grew up. I also got married and divorced, like many. I went from crawling to walking and from young to aging. Avoiding the ordinary was not possible. That made me human, so there was nothing wrong with being normal.

All my boyfriends and male friends thought I was special. Devin said, “You are beautiful inside and outside; you are special.” Keith, Evan, Anson, Teo, Gordan, Curtis, Chad, Jasper, Seth, Vince, and Peter all said it, and it did not mean a great deal to me because I saw it as simply saying that I was different and not like others. It wasn’t positive because it meant I did not belong in any group, was an outcast, or was in a group of my own. I interpreted the word special as being different in a negative way.

There was one occasion when I reacted differently. It was when Anson told me I was special. To my surprise, I said, “I already know that.” I smiled a happy smile because I was proud to know it as if it were a fact. This moment was unique for me. It was not because Anson said I was special, but it was an instance when I realized my perception of myself had changed. How did the change come about? I pondered but quickly realized it was because I took the Landmark Forum several years before meeting Anson. The personal development course uncovered many things that allowed me to discover my power from within and acknowledge the good things about myself. How was I special? I never chased after anyone to tell me how I was special. It was vital that I now perceived it as a compliment and accepted it as a positive.

Many of my female friends thought me to be unique and admirable. I would often matter-of-factly respond that however great I was, it resulted from the need to survive. I always hoped for a better day, so I had to live for that day. Whenever I broke up with a boyfriend, or it did not end well, my gal pals always said the guy wasn’t good enough for me, or I was too good for them and deserved better. Hearing it from my female friends was comforting.

Being ordinary, I was normal. I certainly didn’t want to be abnormal. Being exceptional, I was unique. Indeed, I didn’t want to be like everyone else. Though being special could mean being remarkable, I declare that being extraordinary is to have qualities far beyond and above the average. Striving to be ordinary yet extraordinary is admirable. I always worked to improve myself and aspired to be better, but I never arrived anywhere to say I was above outstanding, or so I thought.

After three months of engaging in four hours of weekly conversations with Everett, a language exchange partner, he unknowingly helped me discover the extraordinary me. Tickled with joy, it was the first time I acknowledged and grasped my greatness. The joyous moment gave me satisfaction and contentment with the finding.

It wasn’t the degrees or the jobs I had that set me apart from others. It wasn’t my successes in completing tasks that made me a superwoman. It wasn’t the houses or the cars I possessed that spelled my greatness. Many people obtain degrees, have great jobs, and own many things, so that’s why those things did not make for extraordinary.

With weekly hours of conversation, Everett and I quickly passed the initial inquiries when interacting with someone. We soon got into many deep dialogues or talks about things we don’t usually discuss with others. Everett asked many questions that I wished others had asked of me. Because he asked, I answered, and that was where I revealed my concealed thoughts. Everett’s probing questions also led me to some self-analysis and reflections.

Everett asked me many questions about my stint in business. He asked so many questions that I began to be annoyed because it reminded me of my greatest failure. I worked so hard and made so little money. It was embarrassing and shameful. But Everett didn’t see it the way I did! He thought it to be inspiring, and it shocked me. I demanded an explanation! He considered my tenacity admirable because I persisted despite making little money. He wanted to understand how I could stay motivated when the results were not coming in. I didn’t have the answer and had to dig deep only to find that my driven nature was a part of my character traits.

“Why did you persist when potential customers said no to you? How could you do it for five years?! Why didn’t your bosses or superiors ever yell or reprimand you? How did you come up with that idea to get money for college? How did you survive and not get depressed when you lost your house and business? How did you muster the courage to move abroad? “Those were some of the many questions Everett asked. The answers did not come easily. I could only examine myself and suggest there was creativity in me to solve some problems, determination in me to see things to the end, and courage from within to move forward despite the fear. Others may have the same qualities, but to what lengths is the question. 

“People like to talk about you and are jealous of you. I wish I had someone jealous of me,” said Everett. “Your bosses are afraid of you; I wish I could instill fear in my bosses like you,” commented Everett. Everett’s comments astonished and puzzled me. I demanded answers, and he gave them to me. It was the first time I learned some things about myself I never considered a possibility.

Everett explained that people were jealous of me because I had or possessed something they wanted. Though I knew the meaning of jealousy, I never understood why anyone could be jealous of me. I always said I had a miserable life, so why would anyone want any part of me? The perception etched in me didn’t allow for space to see myself in another light until Everett pointed it out to me. It was an eye-opening moment because I never saw myself in that way. It was the first time I saw myself as a worthy human being with qualities. The realization helped me to begin appreciating myself.

Everett pointed out that it was a rarity for bosses to be afraid of their subordinates, so he suggested that I had conquered a remarkable feat. I never saw it that way. I said I never tried to make anyone scared of me. I thought I possessed some evil aura that made others afraid of me. So, having anyone fearful of me was not good for me. It took more time before I could digest what Everett had told me. I found it through a children’s story. The story explained why the lion was the king of the jungle even though it was not physically stronger or more intelligent than an elephant. Had Everett not commented the way he did, another eye-opening moment would not have struck me, and that moment changed the trajectory of how I saw myself. I now walk like the lion, self-assured in knowing what I want. Proud of the power I possess, I appreciate myself some more.

All the anecdotes I shared with full self-expression and all the stories of adversity I divulged revealed aspects of my character. Everett helped me realize that my willingness to share showed my bravery. Listening to the stories about my many challenges inspired him and made him admire me. It made me more aware of the character traits that allowed me to overcome many adversities.

Extraordinary, defined as possessing qualities far above and beyond the average, is what I considered the meaning to be. I have always aspired to be so and never thought I could, but I unknowingly became extraordinary long before I realized it. 

It took sharing and writing hundreds of stories about my adversities to realize that I overcame them all because of my creativity, strength, determination, tenacity, resilience, and adaptability. I would not be extraordinary if I had not used them and allowed them to test how far I would go until I achieved a triumph. Indeed, the lengths I went through to overcome every adversity built the extraordinary character that is me.

Though the roads to triumph were full of bumps, twists, and turns, I forged ahead. Without the struggles or the journeys I experienced, I couldn’t be ordinary yet extraordinary.

The extraordinary you awaits you to discover its existence within you. It is there; you only need to find it!

 Key Takeaways: Though I carry devils, I make the effort to notice how they weigh me down and then I squash them. I then notice more angels who bring me comfort and joy.

 Though I am ordinary like other humans, I am also extraordinary with character traits developed and strengthened from challenges and experiences unique to me.

 Next week, you will hear about two new real-life stories called What If  and An Unforgettable Movie. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!