Feeling Trapped, Part III (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Feeling Trapped, Part III and When I Began to Value Myself

Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #110 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Feeling Trapped, a Part III and When I Began to Value Myself.

Feeling Trapped, Part III
Getting trapped in a sinkhole or something visible could be scary; I call it physical entrapment. However, the kind of trap that grabs my attention is the invisible trap. Limited by money, age, or skills could have you feeling trapped or stuck. Engaged in an abusive, controlling, or lousy relationship could lead to feeling trapped. The global pandemic that began in 2020 gripped millions. Confinement at home could be called a physical trap, and the thoughts that run through our minds can be an emotional trap that engulfs us. How can you escape a physical and emotional trap all at the same time?

It was my second time in Bhutan. I had traveled to over a dozen countries before. Bhutan, however, gave me such a positive, lasting impression that I had to go a second time. I was a tourist for a week on my first visit and a volunteer teacher for an extended period on my second visit. After enjoying two weeks of volunteer work and the most relaxing and peaceful time in my life, a boulder knocked me down. 

The school principal notified me that the king ordered that the school be shut down after they got their first COVID-19 case in the country. That meant my volunteer work would cease immediately, and I could return to the USA or stay the duration without work. Disappointed that I would leave early, I booked a ticket to go, but the airline canceled one ticket after another. They had other flight connections, but each country had travel restrictions as the virus spread. I was stuck in Bhutan.

The volunteer program coordinator had a driver bring me to the airport when I got a ticket. Still, upon arrival, I discovered I would be stopped at the transfer point because of another country’s travel restrictions. The driver had to turn back to come to pick me up. I was on the verge of tears, feeling trapped with dwindling funds. I told the coordinator of my dilemma. She kindly assured me they would help me find a cheaper place to stay and that I should feel safe in Bhutan. She said it could be a blessing for me to be there since they had only one COVID-19 case, and that person was contained at the hospital near the airport. Many other countries had thousands more. She shot some sense into me, and I returned to feeling fortunate to be in the land of happiness, but I call it the land of peacefulness. What better place to be than Bhutan when you are in a crisis, be it physical or emotional. 

With nothing to do, I began to write some personal stories, and the ideas flowed freely; I had never written so many in a short time. With a mind uncluttered, I felt empty, but in a good way, because nothing troubled me. That is the sensation felt from being in Bhutan with its nature surrounding you and its people ever so kind with no ill-intentions or attitudes. Though detained in Bhutan, the peaceful environment enveloped me.

Two weeks later, I could finally fly back home to the USA. I soon found myself in a serious situation where the news announced that people needed to stay home and only go out to buy food or medication. The virus had killed thousands and thousands of people. Listening to the news got scarier and scarier. I kept asking myself, is this real? My only solace was to stay home and stay away from other people. If I ever entertained committing a crime, I thought I would learn what it would feel like to be in jail.

As it turned out, being confined at home wasn’t like being in jail. I had more space to move around than a jail cell would. All my basic needs and belongings were with me. If I were in prison, I would only have a few things, so I comforted myself that I was in a better place. At least I was not surrounded by criminals. Why were others complaining about being stuck at home? I was sure it was not as bad as prison. 

For nearly four months, I spent much time alone. I heard many people went stir-crazy, but not me. The time alone and without work during the pandemic made me spend much time at home. Even though I got stuck at home, the crisis gave me time to do many things I always wanted to do. I enjoyed doing many hobbies and scheduled weekly calls with friends, so I had someone to talk to daily. Though homebound, I was busy doing various things and communicating with others.

One of the best outcomes of being trapped in the crisis was having time to slow down and be free of the many obstacles or excuses that blocked me from dealing with internal emotional traps. What are emotional entanglements? They are those automatic negative self-talk dialogues that run through the mind. Sometimes, you don’t notice them because you are too busy working and attending to obligations, chores, and relationships. However, home alone, I had plenty of time to reflect, ponder, think, and analyze.

The result for me was a passion discovered. It was deeply hidden or forgotten. I have always dreamed of writing a book or being a public speaker. I probably ignored the dreams because I deemed them elusive or unattainable dreams. However, during the global pandemic, my passion sprung up from within to reveal itself. I began writing my thoughts and my stories. I started expressing the hidden voice from within. It had many things to say, and my fingers began typing as if it had a mind of its own. Some of the words that appeared before me surprised me. 

My reflections gave me words that gave me food for thought. Some sentences created had me gasp or cry with overwhelming emotion because those were eye-opening moments. Writing my stories helped me face inner demons long embedded within me. Sharing my experiences helped me develop new perspectives. Recollecting encounters that impacted me made me realize their significant contribution to my life. I never knew writing could evoke deep feelings and provide self-therapy. It could even tickle you with joy!

Who could have known that a global pandemic could produce a positive outcome? I found a passion I didn’t think I had. Today, I smile to say I am a writer and a podcaster. Like a lady I met in Bhutan said, “Who knows, you being stuck here in Bhutan could be a blessing.” I didn’t know her well, but somehow, I believed her. I think there are many silver linings; you need only look for them, and you will find them. Once trapped, I got untrapped.

When I Began to Value Myself
My value is not by how much money I have in my bank account or possessions. I thought those things represented success and worked hard to have it all. I had the house, the car, and the comfortable middle-class life, but I considered myself unsuccessful because I never made a million during my stint in business. The closest I got to it was having a millionaire boyfriend. I never admired him for his money. I applauded him for his generosity and compassion for others. I most admired his kindness and nonjudgmental ways with others. His character traits gave me pause to think about the value of a person. Society seemed to say it was fame and fortune, and I unknowingly bought the idea. It wasn’t until I lost my house, my car, my business, and my millionaire boyfriend that I realized my value.

Having lost the majority of what I had, I was devastated. I felt naked and wondered about the meaning of my life. Sitting in a three-bedroom house void of furniture because I sold them, I was like a fish gutted out, a shell of a person. Weeks passed before I realized I still had the most important thing with me. No one could take that away from me. Nobody could steal it from me because I guarded it with my life. It is me, and everything I possess that is attached to me.

My survival instinct had me exercise and sing daily to avoid depression. I ate every day even though the strength to put food in my mouth was an effort, and everything tasted tasteless. I slept until I had seven to eight hours of sleep. The contents of my brain seemed to have emptied all that was there. I walked around like a zombie but made sure I ate and slept like a human. I was devastated by the loss of my boyfriend. And losing the other things only made it worse.

My creativity stepped forward to conjure a way to restart and begin again. That was how I found my way to an island where the cost of living was low and jobs were abundant. Engrossed in a new culture and lifestyle, I adapted and learned quickly. My survival instinct and creativity, a part of me, helped me through some rough times.

I always credited my determination, tenacity, resilience, strength, adaptability, and courage to my survival instinct, but my friends would like to say otherwise. I now acknowledge them as part of my character traits because they are the traits that hold me together to face challenges and overcome adversity. 

So what if I lost everything? So what if I failed in business? So what if my boyfriend cheated on me? So what if no one would help me pay for college? So what if I left my emotionally abusive husband? So what if I don’t have a family that supports me? I have me. I have character traits that will have me stand back up every time I fall. I have the spirit to forge ahead with hope and stamina.

The value of me is my combined traits that get sharpened each time I face challenges and make me stronger. My possessions can come and go, so they don’t make me most valuable. The character traits I possess that help me overcome adversity and attain accomplishments create my value.

Finding my value, I appreciate myself; it makes all the difference to having a meaningful life. You can take away everything I bought, but you can’t take away my most valuable asset: Me. Your value is in you; find it and appreciate yourself as a treasure to behold. It’s worth it.

Key Takeaways: Though I was trapped inside because of the global pandemic, I discovered a passion for writing and podcasting!

Though I was never a millionaire, I discovered the value of me is not my possessions or income; it is who I am.

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called Expired Relationships and Breaking Habits. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!