From One Breakup to Another (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about From One Breakup to Another and The Stupid People.

Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #107of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. . In this episode, you will hear about From One Breakup to Another and The Stupid People.

From One Breakup to Another
I sit at my desk, writing a story and pausing for a stretch and a sip of coffee. I look out at a large window in front of me with light gray curtains on the side. The lush green trees and mountains behind them leave me in wonder for their magnificence. I wish I had an extended table; a foot or two longer will do. On both sides, I would like a bookshelf up to about two feet away from the ceiling, and each shelf would be about two feet wide and one and a half feet high. That would be a beautiful scene for this writer and podcaster.

My ex-husband Anson would have built those bookcases for me because he was a handyman at heart. He loved doing projects with his hands. He was a family man, and I was his priority. He cared about making my life comfortable and surrounding me with beautiful things I liked. But alas, he was too controlling, critical, and anal for me. The breakup was hard because it was an adjustment and a transition, but there was never any great passion, so it was not heartbreaking.

As a novel writer and podcaster, Anson would have been dead set against it. He would have been unsupportive of it because if it were my only source of income, I would starve to death. Anson was pragmatic, which kept him stable and reliable, and I appreciated him for that. But he never supported my dreams or shared my interests. I could not live out my passions with him; it was sad. Anyway, breaking up or divorcing him was a bit painful but not emotionally painful because I never loved him passionately. 

The departure between us was me finding someone with a truck that had enough space to load all my clothes. I had packed many loads in my car back and forth to move out, but then Anson demanded I get everything out quicker or sooner than later. So, I got that truck to finish my move. My co-worker, whom I did not know well, made an interesting comment as she watched my husband help me load up the truck. She said, “Your husband is very nice to help you move all your clothes (and I had a lot of them) in the truck. I don’t know anyone getting a divorce who would do that.” I didn’t feel anything nice about it until now! 

I thought Anson only helped because he wanted me and all my belongings out of the house as quickly as possible and didn’t care about me. Now, with a new idea from reflection, I can “leave” our breakup with a nicer feeling. Anson maintained his gentlemanliness in helping me move or carry things, which was one of the things I appreciated about him. Perhaps he wanted my speedy departure because the sight of me pained him. After all, I was the one who initiated the divorce.

My greatest love, Keith, had a breakup with me, too. He would have supported my venture as a writer and podcaster. He would have seen my passion and encouraged me to express my voice. He would have said that I would be helping many people express themselves like me because I showed bravery in sharing my personal stories. Thinking of this part of him makes me love him more each time. Keith would even remind me to find more time to write between my full-time job. It would keep me grounded in my passion and allow me more joy in expressing it. You would fall in love with him like me. But he couldn’t help make me feel safe and secure financially and that I was his one and only. He didn’t have a stable income and could not promise me anything other than a listening ear. He never thought he was good enough for me, so he could never “promise me a rose garden.” Even though he asked me to marry him several times, he was commitment-phobic.

I have tried breaking up with Keith many times, and every time I thought it was the last, it wasn’t. He never believed we had an end because he knew my undying love for him. However, after all the many on-again and off-again times through the decades, I think I finally said something that made it end. A few years after I had gotten a divorce, I called him up. He was always the one I would think of to talk to when I was troubled by something. My heart always longed for him. We hadn’t seen each other for many years. Keith said he wanted to see my new abode and see that I was okay. I was reluctant to agree because I knew we had a strong connection and dangerously magnetic chemistry. I was afraid because I didn’t want to return to an on-again-off-again relationship that would go nowhere. Besides, I had a new boyfriend after my divorce.

It wasn’t hard for Keith to persuade me to agree for him to visit me. I was surprised he would drive an hour to visit me in my new home, but he did. Keith came and took a quick look at my place, and then we went out to dinner. Afterward, he wanted to go back to my home. We sat on the couch, and Keith saw that I was uncomfortable. I knew he wanted to get intimate. Deep inside, I wanted it too but did not want to go on this rollercoaster ride with him anymore. I had tried for decades already, and enough was enough. I knew I would be heartbroken again because he couldn’t commit or show me the kind of care I needed. He leaned towards me, and I refused his attempt to kiss me. I stood up and said I had a new boyfriend. I also said, “I think I love him more than you.” I did feel that way at that moment. Keith then got up and headed toward the door to leave without responding to what I said. That was the last time I saw the man with a permanent seat in my heart.

When it happened, I felt like I had triumphed because I didn’t give in to him and get back into that on-again-off-again pattern of a relationship. I was determined to end the vicious cycle. But it was a distasteful ending, too. It seemed like he just wanted that three-letter word, and since I wouldn’t give it to him, he left. I also told myself that Keith finally heard me say that I loved someone else more, so he knew he could not use me for his pleasure anytime he wanted anymore. Was there any possibility that he was hurt because I said I loved someone else more? Maybe, but he never told me. I never saw him again.

This scene seemed to have happened a lifetime ago, but as I recall that day and realize it was the last time I saw Keith, tears rolled down my eyes. I sobbed with sorrow as I ached for him. I asked myself why I could still cry about him after all these years. I didn’t want to cry. Why did I still have tears for him? I still love him; I still want him. 

Much has happened since that fateful day. I thought I loved Devin more than Keith, but after breaking up with Devin, I realized I didn’t. Keith remains to be the only one I love deeply. I still think of him every so often; I still ache for him, but I accept that we were not fated to be. I find comfort that he is in my heart. Sadly, it’s over, but I smile because it happened.

Like Keith, Devin would have supported me as a writer and podcaster. I could picture it. We would have lunch or dinner together and discuss my books and podcast content. We would get into the details of it and the psychology behind the perceptions or perspectives. I miss the deep conversations we had about life. Had Devin been my husband, I would be free to spend all the time I wanted on writing and podcasting. I might have been able to quit my full-time job, too. He made a lot of money, but he scared me with the way he spent money. We got along exceptionally well and hardly ever argued. If we did, it would end in laughter. It seemed like we were heading for a happily ever after, but it ended in the most horrible way: He cheated on me. 

Like any other day Sunday, he came to pick me up. He went to the drive-thru of McDonald’s and got a cup of coffee. That was nothing unusual, but what was different was that he stopped in the parking lot. He was troubled. I thought it was because he went out of business and was bankrupt. He had enormous money troubles. I thought that was why he was behaving differently as of late, but I was wrong. He wasn’t talking much, and that was unlike him. He usually shared many problems with me, but that day, he wasn’t. He just sat there with his head down. Finally, I said, “You call me your best friend, but here you are, not talking to me. You are a coward, and I hate cowards.” Cruel, you might say. But it finally made Devin speak. I was unprepared for the tsunami that crashed down on me and took me out to sea. Devin said, “I got her pregnant.” 

I asked who this “her” was, and he did not answer. Anyway, I guessed correctly. It was someone who kept calling him, and I had said she liked him, and if he didn’t feel the same way, he should tell her. He refused to believe me because he said she was like a baby sister to him. Unfortunately, I was correct. After hearing the four-word sentence from Devin, it was the end of us. 

The last time I saw him was when he came to pick up some things from my house. He was on the phone and still could not look me in the eye. He stayed on the phone talking to someone, picked up his bag of things, and left. He didn’t speak to me and never looked me straight in the eyes. He was still a coward. That was how it all ended.

Breaking up with Anson was hard, but I found a way to remember his kindness when he helped me load up my clothes in the truck. Breaking up with Keith many times was never easy, but all the positive memories about him remain with me. Devin broke my heart when he cheated on me, but I later learned forgiveness and moved on. All the breakups had pain, but I learned lessons, strengthened my character, and gave myself a life full of good and bad and an abundance of stories to provide you with food for thought.

The Stupid People
I hailed a taxi to go to the airport. The taxi driver asked for the airline and terminal. I told him the airline's name but discovered the plane ticket I purchased online didn't say which terminal it was located. Thus, I could not tell him which terminal. Worse, he had never heard of Hong Kong Airlines and questioned whether it existed! Since there were only two terminals, I told him to go to Terminal One and that I would look for the airline. If I didn't see it, it would be in Terminal Two since there are only two terminals at the international airport. I thought what I said was only logical, but he was most distressed. He refused to proceed to drive me to Terminal Two. He stopped and parked somewhere to call another taxi driver to see if Hong Kong Airlines existed and, if so, name the terminal's location. I couldn't believe my ears. I didn't see it in Terminal One, so it had to be in Terminal Two. Why didn't he understand that logic?

After the taxi driver got off the phone, he was distressed because the other taxi driver did not know. I told the taxi driver he needed to drop me off at Terminal Two, or I would miss my flight. He reluctantly drove me to Terminal Two, and I saw Hong Kong Airlines there. Why did he have to call another taxi driver? Why did he not get that if it was not at one terminal, it had to be at another? Did he not have any sense of deductive reasoning? I was baffled and told myself I had never met anyone so stupid!

In another instance, an elementary school-age child finished writing in a notebook and needed a new notebook. I reminded him to ask his parents for money to buy a new notebook. I repeatedly reminded him about what he needed to do. Despite my many reminders, he would not have a notebook for class. When asked why he was sitting there doing nothing when everyone else had started their written class assignment, he stated: I don't have a notebook. And so he sat there, appearing clueless about what to do or expecting that anything he needed, someone would give to him. No problem-solving skills were at work even though several class discussions included how to solve that particular problem among a few others. One solution was to ask for help or do something to help yourself. I had never seen such helplessness where one would sit there expecting someone to notice and serve his needs. Many students showed these symptoms, and I was disgusted. I was even more sickened to find out they came to be that way because their parents waited on them hand and foot!

Perhaps deductive reasoning and problem-solving skills are not directly taught in school to any significant degree, but they are necessary life skills for self-sufficiency and leadership.

The taxi driver and the kids I encountered in a private school have taught me a glaring lesson. Don't be one of the stupid people who can't solve a simple problem. Arm yourself with many different life experiences and learn from other people's challenges, too. Practice and sharpen your problem-solving skills; don't sit there and wait for someone to help or come save you! There will be a day when no one is coming, and what will you do?! Helping yourself solve your own problems can only help you overcome the many adversities you will encounter sooner or later!

Key Takeaways: Though breakups may be painful, you can find something positive to remember.

Though I find some people frustrating and stupid, I can still learn from them.

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called Feeling Trapped, Part I and Cooking Class Assistant with a Secret. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!