Simmering Chemistry (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Simmering Chemistry and What I Don't Have.

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Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #103 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Simmering Chemistry and What I Don’t Have.

Simmering Chemistry
Mix some chemicals together, and nothing happens. Mix others, and there is an explosion. And then some mix and simmer; there are tiny bubbles that don't boil over. What am I talking about? In some relationships, you could feel nothing. In others, you might feel an explosion of euphoria. The most unnerving ones are those that simmer and never explode or flatline. Sometimes, it feels like you are walking in a minefield. Take a step, and nothing happens. Take another step, and you could be blown into smithereens. At least one or the other is clear. But what if there is a small fuse like simmering chemistry that could go either way but does not. It is much like being in limbo, a most uncomfortable place. How can you come to terms with it?

I met Curtis while traveling with a tour group. I didn't notice him until my new friend Alicia saw him. She was in lust for him. Everywhere we went, instead of commenting on the sights, she would comment on Curtis. "Look at his brand-name shirt and designer blue jeans; don't you think it looks nice on him?" said Alicia. "Oh, look at those fancy rims on his glasses; doesn't he look handsome?" giggled Alicia. "Come on, let's go where he is going," said Alicia. Katie and I joined Alicia in pursuing Curtis; we had nothing better to do. Curtis had two friends with him, and we became the three gals and three guys hanging around each other.

After six weeks together, we gal pals became good friends but never ignited any sparks with the guys. However, on the day of departure, we all agreed to exchange contact information. To my great surprise, Curtis, from Canada, started writing letters to me in the USA. He only wrote to me a few times a year, and I politely responded to his letters. We never talked much during the trip, so I was surprised that Curtis wrote to me. I didn't give it much thought since he was a country away, and I had plenty keeping me busy.

As time went on, three years passed, and we graduated from college. Curtis continued to write to me occasionally. However, one day, he suddenly wrote and told me of his plan to go to graduate school in the city where I lived. I was shocked and excited. Did he like me? Did he choose a graduate school in my town to be near me? Many questions rushed through my head with no answers in sight. Each letter, as infrequent as they were, made me wonder if he was interested in me. He was so subtle; I couldn't be sure. Our letters didn't express feelings clearly; nothing was straightforward. Much was read between the lines and open for interpretation. Like a pot of water on the stove, it started to have a few bubbles.

Curtis arrived in my city a year later and invited me to dinner. He didn't want to wait for the weekend before seeing me and insisted we could have dinner after I left work. I had just started my teaching career and wore my "teaching" clothes. It was a skirt, a top, and high heels to make me feel like a career woman. Side by side, we walked from my workplace to a nearby restaurant. He didn't care which restaurant we went to and asked me to choose. I could feel the smiles on my face, and I could see the smiles on his face. We hadn't seen each other in four years; this was our first time alone. I could feel my nerves jitter with joy, and as I glanced at him, I thought he was nervous, too. It was only our first date, but the water in the pot on the stove started to make more bubbles.

Soon, graduate school started for Curtis, and we had fewer dates. He was busy with school, and I was engrossed in my new career. While driving around with my friend Carina one day, I said, "Oh, my almost-boyfriend lives around here." This almost-boyfriend piqued Carina's interest like a crazy schoolgirl. "You must visit him; come on, let's go!" I told Carina where he lived, and she stopped the car in front of his place. The contents of my stomach stirred, and my body vibrated with nervous tension. Excited and scared all at the same time, I did not know how I could bring myself to ring his doorbell. Carina got out of her driver's seat, opened the passenger side of the car, and pulled me out of my seat. She laughed and pushed me to the door. I could hear my heartbeat pounding loudly before I finally pressed the doorbell. Curtis answered on the intercom to ask who it was. I let him know, and he quickly buzzed me in. More bubbles formed in the pot of water on the stove.

Curtis was full of smiles when I arrived at his apartment. Excited and scared, I rambled about how I was in the neighborhood and didn't plan on dropping by his place unannounced. He didn't seem to mind and was full of smiles. I said my friend was waiting in the car, so I needed to go. I ran back out to the car and had Carina drive off and away from his house before I could catch my breath and calm down to tell her what had happened with the brief visit. I don't know what chemicals attracted me to Curtis, but they grabbed me like a magnet. His stares at me made me nervous. He didn't call often and frequently said he was busy with his studies. The tension and the tingles fluttered each time I saw him, but it was another year before the bubbles in the pot of water went from simmering to near boiling over.

We got together for dinner under dim lights at his house. He drank two cans of tall beer and appeared relaxed, but perhaps he was working up the courage to be bold with me. He wasn't much of a drinker, but he was drinking that night. Though the tingling sensation tickled me for years ever so faintly, I could not seem to grab hold of it. Curtis was a shy guy and wasn't aggressive. So, how was the pot of water ever going to boil? Maybe Curtis thought the bit of alcohol would help him be bold. He made no move during dinner, but afterward, he said he was not fit to drive me home because he drank a bit much. Still a gentleman, Curtis offered to call me a taxi or drive me home the next day. Now, at my mature age, I am guessing he gave me a choice to stay or leave, and then he would know how I felt about him. We were twenty-something, but I felt like we were acting like teenagers, wondering if the other party felt the same way. The simmering chemistry went on for too long. I could not resist his offer, and the pot boiled over.

The chemistry between Curtis and me simmered for years. I think it was because he was too shy and inexperienced in relationships, and I was not the aggressive type of woman. However, on that fateful night, we uncovered a mutual attraction. And the simmering in limbo was over. I smile as I reminisce the sweet memory of the simmering chemistry that finally boiled over.

Vince was a lawyer I met through a co-worker. Sasha told me her husband had an excellent friend but was too shy with the ladies. She asked if she could set us up. I was open to it, and Sasha proceeded to make the arrangements. She said she would have a house party, where I would meet Vince. I met Vince there, and he did not talk much to strangers. I was just like him at that time. Sasha learned that Vince and I went to the same college but at different times. She kindly mentioned to Vince that we both went to the same college. He spoke with me briefly, but Sasha's help didn't help make us engage in many conversations.

Sasha also had it planned out for Vince to give me a ride home since I didn't have a car. She hoped it would provide us with a chance to talk more. Alone in the car with Vince, we started chatting with each other, and we had an interesting conversation. The shy guy I saw at the party was no longer nervous. Like him, I didn't talk much at the party but had much to speak with him one-on-one. I don't remember the details of our conversation, but I do remember how pleasant it was to talk to each other. There was no discomfort or nervous tension. We chatted nonstop during the entire ride of about thirty-five minutes. His masculine voice was a magnet I wanted to be stuck on. A few bubbles bubbled in the pot of water on the stove.

The following week, Vince took me out to dinner. The restaurant did not have many customers that day. Vince said the food was good, so we went. Strangely, we sat at a large round table because there were no small tables. The ambiance wasn't great, but we sat beside each other, and I felt good to be with him. Engaged in conversation, I hated to be interrupted. Our waiter seemed too attentive because there were few customers. He stopped by to give us more water and interrupted my train of thought in the conversation. It wasn't enjoyable! Still, I enjoyed being with Vince; some more bubbles popped up and down the pot of water.

On our second date, Vince invited me to attend a Toastmasters meeting with him because we discussed public speaking. I was excited to go as it would be my first time, and I had always dreamed of doing public speaking. It took me over an hour to get ready. Nervous, I tried on many different tops to see which would be best for my date. Finally, I chose a red and soft feminine sweater. Bold red looks good against my fair skin, and I wanted Vince to take notice. 

We sat at a long rectangular table when we arrived at the meeting. Of course, I didn't know anyone except Vince, but it was nice to sit next to him. I felt some tingling sensations and smiled a little smile. Soon, Vince was up at the front, giving a speech. What I remembered most were the comments from the guy beside him and the lady in front of him. They asked why he was so nervous because he was not usually that nervous. It made me think he was extra nervous because I was with him. Maybe a few bubbles were bubbling in his pot of water.

After the meeting, fourteen of us crammed into one large round table at the restaurant to eat dinner. It was like sardines with legs touching one another. I didn't mind having Vince's legs gently touching mine. Everybody was chatting, laughing, and eating away. No one could hear my insides jitter or sense my nerves bouncing uncontrollably. Though I was feeling shy, it didn't seem to matter that I did not chat much because of the joyful and noisy atmosphere. It didn't seem to matter that our legs were so close to each other, but with mine next to Vince, it was like simmering chemistry ready to boil over!

After the Toastmasters meeting and dinner with Vince, I felt simmering chemistry, but he did not call me for two weeks. I liked him so much that I mustered the nerve to call him. It was extremely unlike me to phone a guy in the early stages of a relationship. But I called him, and we spoke for over two hours. A one-on-one conversation with each other was delightful. Smiling and tingling as I talked to Vince, I was glad I called him. The few times we spoke were most enjoyable. I thought we had much chemistry, and the water in the pot was simmering for me. But he didn't call me for another date.

Sasha told me he liked me but was shy and may never get a girlfriend. The simmering chemistry I thought we had flatlined. Maybe it is sad that it never boiled over, but I would like to think it was a short but sweet memory. The many little bubbles that give you a jumpy excitement, even briefly, are better than none. 

At the end of a relationship with simmering chemistry, it is beautiful when it boils over, like the one with Curtis. But if it only simmers like the one with Vince, it is still a sweet memory. And every moment, especially sweet ones, is worthy of a place in our hearts and a treasure to embrace. 

 What I Don’t Have
I wanted to make millions of dollars, but I didn’t.

I wanted a warm and loving family but didn’t have one.

I wanted to own a large company, but I didn’t.

I wanted hundreds of real friends; I didn’t have them.

Thinking about what I don’t have is all too depressing.

The survivor in me refuses to accept all the negatives.

I have enough to put a roof over my head.

I have quality friends who are there for me.

I am my own boss as a writer and a podcaster.

I learned that family is anyone who is loving toward me.

Focusing on what I have brings me joy.

The optimism in me has me see the positives and gives me hope.

I forget about what I don’t have when I remember

the most important thing I have is me.

My strength, courage, adaptability, resilience, and tenacity

keep my character in place to live and give another day.

Key Takeaways: Though the chemistry between two people may simmer, boil, or flatline, experiencing the bubbling sensations gives sweet memories.

Though I may not have everything I want, I also have many things to treasure and appreciate.

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called Controlling Husband and Betrayed. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!