My Dash (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about My Dash and Ambiance Matters.

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Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #100 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about My Dash and Ambiance Matters.

My Dash
Mom sent me to live with my grandmother when I was five, and that sent me to life imprisonment of feeling unwanted and unloved for nearly all my life.

Uncle Holden, Uncle Ray, and Uncle Rick said I didn’t belong in my grandma’s family; I believed it and never felt like I belonged anywhere for nearly the rest of my life.

Grandma said I was as stupid as a pig, and Grandpa was displeased with seeing an A- on my report card. No matter how many degrees or self-learning I did, I never thought I was smart enough.

Because I was deemed stupid and unwanted, no one in the family thought I could go to college, and no one offered money for me to go to college.

Since my parents were not going to help with tuition, I got a lawyer to get another legal guardian. Mom signed the paper releasing me as her daughter. She didn’t even flinch or pause for a moment.

Grandma begged Mom to give me some money for college. I got fifty dollars. I invited Grandma to my graduation; she begged Mom to come instead. Mom and Dad deserved no credit for my achievement.

I later got a graduate degree and asked Mom to come to my graduation because she said she dreamed of someone getting a Master’s in the family. She went to my youngest sister’s graduation instead.

I invited Grandma to my wedding; she insisted I ask my parents. I listened. Mom said she would take care of the flower arrangements and then called me to go pick them up and pay for them. Since they never contributed to my life expenses, including college and growing up since I was five, I wanted them to pay. I called Grandma to let her know what Mom said. Grandma had to force Mom to pay for the flowers while I paid for everything else for my wedding.

Years later, I got a divorce, and Grandma told Mom to come to check on me. Mom and Dad came to my new house. They visited for all but ten minutes. Mom saw that I had all new furniture and commented, “So you gave him everything?” I learned she had no compassion; me too.

I thought I had a miserable life, but I don’t want you to remember all the negative things that happened. I don’t even want you to remember me as a daughter, granddaughter, wife, teacher, writer, podcaster, or entrepreneur.

I don’t want my dash to be filled with bad memories. I want you to know that my dash has been a journey filled with many ups and downs and twists and turns. Some were exciting, and many were depressing, but the most important thing to remember is my adaptability, strength, courage, tenacity, resilience, and creativity to live a life that had value.

Though I felt unwanted and unloved, I was wanted and loved. I had five marriage proposals, and many call me one of their best friends. I had a grandmother who saved me from living with parents who didn’t love me. Hundreds of children showered me with love. I even had bosses who loved me.

Though I never felt like I belonged anywhere, I carved out a spot for myself. I came to accept and appreciate myself as different and special. I stand in a place of uniqueness. There is only one me.

Though relatives deemed me stupid because I came from my father, and I believed it, I realized my intelligence was above average because I could solve many problems independently.

Though adversity knocked on my door many times, I answered, overcame all my hardships, and stood tall like a bamboo: I was knocked down but never stayed down.

Though I lacked compassion like my mom, my intelligence helped me learn and appreciate humans as a significant part of living a meaningful life.

I fill my dash with lessons learned from adversity, insights discovered from my encounters, and eye-opening moments identified from perspectives. Intertwined, this life has value. This life hopes to give you some food for thought and inspire you to have the courage to live a life filled with treasures. We all begin with birth and end with death, but in between, choose the dash you want and leave the memories or footprints you want to be left behind.

Ambiance Matters
Chad, a business partner, once said, “Did you know that Starbucks does not sell coffee?!” “What does it sell?” I inquired. “It sells an atmosphere,” he said. “Oh, okay, I responded. I didn’t understand what Chad meant when he said it, but I took time to think about it. Chad loved reading books and learning more about successful businesses, so I paid attention to what he said. Suddenly, it occurred to me why I was always excited to wake up at six o’clock in the morning to get to work and why I loved attending business meetings to become an entrepreneur at seven o’clock in the evening once a week after work.

Many people dread waking up early in the morning to go to work, but I was always excited to jump out of bed to go to work. The feeling lasted for at least twenty years for me. I thought it was because I loved my career as a teacher, but it was more than that. I felt at home at work. I loved the quiet alone time I had to prepare my lessons before the students arrived in the morning. I enjoyed spending warm and loving times with my students during class time. And I loved checking work and tidying after class. It was my home away from home.

Every year before the new school year started, I would spend two weeks preparing my classroom before my new group of students arrived. No one understood why I needed to spend so much time on it, especially when I was not getting paid for it. During the summer, the janitor would give the floors an extra cleaning and wax for the year. He moved the furniture, and teachers stripped the walls of any displays of student work. The room would look bare afterward.

Like clockwork, I would be the first to return to school to prepare my classroom for my new students. First, I would arrange the furniture to make the room look spacious even though there were many desks and chairs. Next, I would put some fadeless paper on the bulletin boards on the walls. One wall was entirely bulletin boards. I created more bulletin board space between windows on another wall. A third wall had a blackboard. Ouch! I just revealed how long ago I started my teaching career! But I loved it!

After I spread rolls of bright yellow fadeless paper on the bulletin boards of the walls, I would put rainbow-colored border designs on the edges. When I finished that, the room was no longer bare and boring. Yellow was not my favorite color, but I loved it on the walls. I wanted my kids to feel welcome and warm in my classroom. I wasn’t sure how they felt, but I knew I felt happy in the room because it gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling. 

When I reshelved books for a classroom library and added cushions for students to have fun in the reading corner, I felt like I wanted to be a little kid to sit on them to read some books too. After I pulled out games to put in trays on two large tables for students to have fun with educational games, I thought of how I would want to join them in the merriment. Perhaps I wanted to be a child again and have some fun with them because I certainly didn’t have much fun when I was a child.

Soon the bulletin boards would be filled with student work so students would feel proud. I didn’t think the environment I created mattered much to others, but it did. One day, a parent came to school and told me that her child had been telling her to come to see his classroom for weeks and weeks. Finally, she came. She took a look and knew why. Her child showed her his work on the bulletin boards. He moved to give her a tour of the reading corner and the trays of games on the tables. Mom noted that the bright yellow of the room woke her up from her tired eyes, and she felt the warmth pulling her further into the room. Her comment and smiles made a difference to me. 

In another instance, when I was preparing to transfer to another school, I asked a resource teacher to write a recommendation letter for me. To my surprise, she wrote in detail about how organized the room was to engage students to love learning. She commented how the bulletin boards made students feel happy and proud. 

I thought I spent a lot of time at work because I had much to do there, and I loved my career, but it was more than that. My classroom exuded warmth; it made me want to stay. I felt comfortable being myself in it. I had no invisible walls or pretenses in it. The best me showed up in that classroom. I was happy there. I felt anger there too. Importantly, I showed my feelings without holding back. It was my sanctuary where I felt free to be me.

Maybe a part of my success as an exemplary teacher in the first two decades of my career had something to do with the ambiance I created. And to think, I did it before I learned about what Starbucks was selling!

After a long day at work, you’d think I would be too tired to go to a business meeting at seven, even if it was only once a week. But I would get excited to go! From my comfortable shoes running after kids, I would change into high heel shoes for the business meeting. From my skirt and shirt, looking like an old teacher, I would transform myself into a business suit, appearing like a businesswoman. 

Upon arriving at the office, many people would be in the lobby. There was nothing unique about the physical environment. There were individual office rooms for the leaders earning a six-figure income. The rest of us hung around the lobby or the large group meeting room that could seat over a hundred people. 

Before the meeting, everyone would be in the lobby. I call it a medium-sized lobby. It was usually crowded with people. Some would say that they needed a larger lobby area. But the leaders said it was just right. The buzzing of people talking and the crowds made people feel excited about the business opportunity. People dressed in beautiful suits made you feel like you were around professionals. The friendliness made you feel welcome, and the cheery smiles made you feel like you wanted to be there. You wanted to be around happy and successful people. You wanted to be one of them. 

My husband and I were well-satisfied with our careers, so why were we looking into a business opportunity? We were invited and went as a courtesy to my husband’s friend. It was supposed to be a one-time event, but as it turned out, it was much longer. My husband enjoyed the “lobby time” of chatting with successful leaders and meeting new people to make new friends. I didn’t care for the “lobby time” to make small talk, but I was intrigued by listening to successful business leaders share new ideas and stories of struggles to succeed. I was also fascinated with the many different backgrounds or careers that others had. In my other job, it was all people in the education field. In this business meeting, I got the chance to meet people from all walks of life, and the intrigue captivated me.

Week after week, I could meet new people. It seemed we had nothing in common because we all came from different backgrounds, but we were all drawn to spending time in “the lobby.” The meeting would start at 7:30 PM, but everybody would be there by 7 PM for the “lobby time.” It was as if there was a magnet drawing people to the lobby. We wanted to be there. We wanted to be in the presence of successful people. Maybe we thought we could be one of them if we hung around them long enough. Perhaps, it was the allure of success that we wanted to be around. Strangers, acquaintances, and business partners were all connected and bonded by a dream. No matter our background, we related to each other because we all dreamed of wealth, fame, or success. The lobby provided an environment where we could all dream. It wasn’t a pipedream but a dream that could come true because we met and talked to successful leaders. 

The atmosphere drew me to go there week after week. The ambiance attracted me to keep going and learning. Soon I delved into the business. It took years before I gained some success. It took five long years. How could I stay for so long before making it? Part of it was the leaders, the rags-to-riches stories, and the dreams kept alive in “the lobby” that had me continue. Meeting different people and learning about life or how people and money worked enriched me. I was in an environment that said: Dare to dream and dare to make it come true. 

You can create a physical environment at work or home that makes you feel good or be your best. You can create a mental ambiance that makes people feel happy or that anything is possible. Unlock your creativity and do it. Ambiance matters!

Key Takeaways: Though we all have a dash between birth and death, it is up to us how we choose to live that dash.

Though we may not think much about what surrounds us, our environment affects us. Choose or create your ambiance; it matters.

Next week, you will hear two new real-life stories related to adversities, encounters, and perspectives. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!