How to Stop Complaining (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about How to Stop Complaining and From a Stable Career to a Risky Business.

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Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #97 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about How to Stop Complaining and From a Stable Career to a Risky Business.

How to Stop Complaining

I hate my parents; they ruined my life.

Stop complaining about your parents; you’re lucky you have parents.

I live in a studio apartment; I don’t own it.

Stop complaining about your home; be glad you are not homeless.

I hate my job; it is meaningless to me.

Stop complaining about your job; be thankful for a job and an income.

I despise those who talk behind my back; they have nothing better to do.

Stop complaining; be content that you have an exciting life others want to talk about.

I hate the taste of food here; I hate to cook too.

Stop complaining; be relieved your stomach is not growling.

I dislike those who have no common sense or any sense.

Stop complaining; be grateful you have sense and the ability to help others.

I hate people who act like victims and render themselves helpless.

Stop complaining, be gratified you are not one of them.

I loathe stupid people; there are too many walking around.

Stop complaining; be pleased you have some intelligence.

I hate gutless people; they take no risks.

Stop complaining; be satisfied; you take chances to live a fulfilling life.

I feel pain for all the struggles and challenges I have to face.

Stop complaining; be thankful for the lessons learned, and the wisdom gained.

I remember I have parents I know exist, so I stop complaining.

I remind myself I have a home where I belong and can afford it, so I stop complaining.

I think of my job that pays the bills, so I stop complaining.

I recall the gossipers who find my life intriguing, so I stop complaining.

I remember many days without food, so I stop complaining.

I recollect that common sense makes for a better survivor, so I stop complaining.

I bear in mind to refuse to be a victim of helplessness, so I stop complaining.

I think back to stupidity and remember to keep learning, so I stop complaining.

I strike a note on gutlessness and remember to have courage, so I stop complaining.

I keep in my memory that adversity brings discoveries, transformation, insights, and eye-opening moments, so I stop complaining.

From a Stable Career to a Risky Business
You are an exemplary teacher and so good at what you do; why would you want to give all that up? You have a stable income and a comfortable middle-class life; why risk losing that? You've worked hard, juggling school and work to become a credentialed teacher; why would you throw that down the garbage disposal? Those were comments I heard when contemplating leaving my teaching career to embark on a career in financial services.

I was thoroughly engrossed in my teaching career for over fifteen years because I loved it. I spent extensive time preparing lessons, checking papers, beautifying the classroom environment, and creating and making games. I filled my weekends with doing even more work-related activities. 

Teaching children gave me great satisfaction. When I saw students improve as a result of my efforts, it gave me great pride. When students were hurt or upset about something, I listened to their voices and gave them sympathy and empathy. Every time I was encouraging a student, I felt I was showing the care I wished I had had when I was a child. Each time I praised a child, I was also acknowledging myself because I was hardly ever praised as a child. Every time I listened to a kid's problem, I remembered how I wished someone cared enough to ask about me as a child.

I gave my students my all. I gave them everything I wished I had gotten as a child. I wanted to be loved, cared for, and heard. I only hoped for three simple things but never got them from my parents. Unbeknownst to me, I gave it all to my students, which gave me great satisfaction and joy. 

During recess, colleagues would see my students flock over like a group of geese to hug me. They would all bunch up in a circle surrounding me with hugs, smiles, and sounds of laughter. I was the only teacher in the yard to receive this treatment. It was heartwarming to be loved; I wished my parents loved me too. 

My colleagues also wished they got that treatment. They'd ask, "What do you do to make them love you so much?" They were baffled because I had a reputation for being a strict teacher who demanded much of her students. My response would only be a smile. I didn't say anything, but in my mind, I said it was because I didn't forget what it was like to be a child who yearned for love, care, and a voice that was heard. I empathized when a child felt unheard, uncared for, or unloved. Though I could say that I could see myself in my students, I didn't want to say so because it would reveal that I had a troubling childhood. 

Other teachers wondered how I propelled my students to excellence and motivated them to work hard and produce miraculous results. They asked for my advice and suggestions. I gave them strategies and ideas, but they were not the complete answer. My secret was the me who could put herself in a child's shoes and know what they needed. I knew because I was the child who never got what she needed, so I kept giving it. My emotionally painful childhood was the secret to my success. Simply put, I just gave what I wanted when I was a child.

With the combination of educational expertise and love for children, I quickly came to be known as an excellent teacher. Why would I want to give up doing something where I experienced success? Why would I want to give up a satisfying career? Why would I want to give up a steady paycheck? These were questions I asked myself.

Sometime after I got married, one of my husband's friends introduced us to a business opportunity. We went because someone invited us. Neither my husband nor I was looking to find another career. We were satisfied with what we were doing, but we went in response to an invitation.

Listening to the business presentation and meeting many people at the office made me question what I was doing. The business called for me to dream bigger, make millions, and be my own boss. Though those ideas were hounded into me in weekly meetings, they did not interest me. It was something else that attracted me to the business! 

When I attended my first national convention, I saw thousands of people from all over the country convene to listen to successful leaders based on their income. I saw the millionaires speak; some were good, and some were not such good speakers. It didn't seem to matter to the audience. But what touched, moved, and inspired me was the audience's reaction to the speakers. When the speakers spoke, the audience was encouraged by the leaders who shared their struggles, never gave up, and became millionaires. They inspired them to keep trying. They knew the road to success was not easy but that it would be all worth it if they kept at it until they succeeded.

In the back of my mind, I started dreaming. I dreamed of making millions so I could be a leader on stage speaking. I wanted that power to inspire thousands to succeed. My success in the classroom began to seem too small. I was only one teacher affecting twenty to thirty students a year. I wanted to make a difference for thousands of people. My perspectives began to widen; I began dreaming bigger. I wanted to motivate thousands, if not millions, to greatness. 

I voluntarily joined the business of selling life insurance and mortgages. That may not sound interesting to some, and it was not particularly alluring to me either. However, it was the structure of the business that pulled me in. It was a network marketing business. I simultaneously loved it and hated it badly. I was an independent contractor or saleslady constantly hunting to make that next sale or business partner. I would have no income if I didn't find a customer to make a sale. If I didn't locate an associate, I would have to depend on my efforts alone, and my income would not multiply. My livelihood depended on results. My income was unpredictable, my daily schedule was variable, and many unexpected things would happen daily. Potential customers or associates would often reschedule or cancel appointments. I'd need to rearrange my schedule quickly and think of how to refill it with more clients or associates.

Who wants an unpredictable income? Why would I want to have to go out each day hunting for people, chasing after people? I felt like a beggar; who wants to be a beggar? I have a choice. Why would I choose to put myself in the situation of being a salesperson where I get more rejections than acceptances? Who likes to get rejected on the job daily?

I started doing it part-time for years and did not make much. I kept thinking that I would need to spend more time and effort on the business to have any chance of making millions. That would mean quitting the career I loved. Another two years would pass before I finally decided to leave teaching and venture into the business that kept nagging me to do something. That decision took so long, but when it did happen, it happened fast. 

It was just another day when I got off from working at school and was driving into my garage. My neighbor saw me across the street and invited me to her house for tea. I sat by her small round table to rest while she put her tea kettle on the stove. I told her I was still struggling to decide if I should quit my career to pursue the business I joined. She said one sentence, and instantly I made up my mind. "If you don't do it, you'll never know," she said. Somehow that statement hit a nerve. I needed to know. Now I was no longer afraid of failure. Needing to know was more important. I didn't want to be one of those people in the rocking chair saying, I wish I did this or that. I didn't want to be old and still wonder what if this or that. I wanted to know; the only way to know was to jump in and do it. Like Nike's motto says, "Just do it!" And just like that, I quit teaching and went into business full-time.

Difficult as it may be, many have gone through network marketing to earn a six to seven-figure income. Doable when you have a large team that helps you multiply your income. Like investing, you put something in and hope to see your income double, triple, or quadruple. But many did not achieve that success, and I was one of them.

Here I was. I gave up a successful and stable career for a risky business to potentially earn millions. And in the end, I was broke. Do I regret what I did? Was I an idiot? Was I another dreamer? I lost so much financially. I felt like a failure. I was ashamed.

While most people joined the business hoping to make millions, my primary reason was not that at all. The allure was to have the opportunity to stand and speak before thousands and move, touch, and inspire them. That picture and that dream were more enticing than being in front of twenty to thirty kids. But to get there, I would have to make money to get there; that was my obstacle and challenge!

If you ask me if I wish I didn't take that risk, I'd say NO. If you ask me if all the failures were worth it? I'd say YES. Since I didn't make much money, was it even worth my time? YES, yes, yes!

The business allowed me to exercise muscles I didn't know I had. When I was at home devising plans to meet prospective customers or associates, I used my creativity to develop many ways to do it. When thinking of how to approach and talk to strangers, I read about it, learned, and practiced connecting with strangers at networking events and on the street. 

Before the business, I was a quiet and shy girl who didn't know how to talk to people and was awkward at social events. During the business, my livelihood was at stake, and I sharpened my social skills, which are invaluable life skills I am now proud to own. Being able to connect with people in conversation and relate to others is a crucial part of happiness and success. I am glad I can learn it. I was not doomed to be stuck in my shell! 

The business helped bring me out of my shell, which I desperately wanted to escape. How would I ever make a difference for thousands of people if I didn't escape my prison? I took flight and now have the confidence to talk to anyone about anything. This result is gold.

Finding different strategies to meet people wasn't easy. Because the rate of rejection from others is high in the sales industry, you can't have enough methods to utilize until you get acceptance. So, your creativity is challenged and stretched to the maximum. Without it, the motivation to keep going and trying would be difficult. Without it, I would not be able to resolve challenges and problems. Stretching the creativity muscle to the maximum has allowed me to face and handle colossal difficulties in life. This ability is invaluable.

Enduring failure or rejection is not enjoyable. The chance to test my tenacity or persistence until I achieve something is no easy feat. I spent countless days on the field talking to people, only to have them reject my offers. It led me to think of more ways to approach people. It led me to keep trying until I could get a yes, which would be all the more treasured. I have used my persistence muscle many times to achieve goals. This strength is priceless.

Through the business, I met people from all walks of life, gained different perspectives, and broadened my views on the world. In my teaching career, I only knew people in that industry, so my world was limited. The business expanded my scope and enriched it with people I may have never met if it weren't for the business. I cherish the experience of connecting with a diverse collection of people who all came together to fulfill their dreams.

Talking to strangers, going to various events, or wherever there was a gathering of people was not in my comfort zone. Going to different places each day for work was not what I was used to doing. Having planned daily schedules and constantly changing and adjusting them was unnerving. All the unpredictability came to be an exciting adventure. Doing things outside of my comfort zone became thrilling. Though the rollercoaster rides were often nerve-racking, they allowed me to exercise another muscle. The ability to quickly change and adapt to survive and thrive is a jewel.

Another muscle tested was the ability to take risks and more risks. Getting outside my comfort zone, doing things I never did, and getting comfortable with instability and unpredictability required accepting risk. You could say life is full of risks, but how many or how big the risks you take could determine the quality of your life. As an independent contractor, my income was never predictable or stable. Perhaps those ingredients kept striving, hope, and dreams alive! I am thankful to exercise my risk muscle much more often; it has brought more joy, freedom, and miracles into my life!

Though I never made millions, I obtained precious pieces of gold that money could not give me. I have the social skills to talk to people and the creative skills to find many ways to do things and solve problems. My tenacity, endurance, and strength have helped me achieve more goals. The ability to adapt quickly and take more risks also aids in meeting challenges and having more fun in life!

Of course, you could say that you could collect all these gems in other ways, but I got to practice using them in one place and have retained them for all of life's adventures. Had I stayed in my stable career, I would not have grown or developed much further. My metamorphosis from a steady job to a risky business was from a cocoon to a butterfly.

That allure, that dream of standing and speaking before thousands of people, did happen. When I became one of the top ten earners in one year, I got the chance to go on stage. It took five years after I was in the business full-time. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Never in my life did I all at once fly, cry, and tremble with joy as I went on stage to get my awards and give my speech. It had been a long struggle, with many twists, turns, and risks, but it was all worth it. I realized my dream.

 Key Takeaways: Though I have much to complain about, I can see other perspectives and have little to complain about.

Though I moved from a stable career to a risky business, I exercised many muscles that are invaluable life skills.

Next week, you will hear two new real-life stories called Returning Home and That’s Not Why I Got A Master’s. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!